Greetings dear readers. I hope you had a wonderful holiday season and found some pretties under your Christmas tree. I decided to give the keyboard a vacation and spent time with my wonderful wife. But fair warning – I’m baaack!
This will be the final installment in my “Onboard” series. You can read the others, in order, starting with Getting the Wife Onboard here Getting the Wife Onboard: Part II here and Beyond Getting the Wife Onboard – Coming out to Others here.
Today I’d like to talk about getting yourself onboard. I have read a lot of discussions here at XDress and also on other sites, and I find there is a great variance in the level of acceptance we have of ourselves as crossdressers.
First, let’s take a look at who we are, demographically speaking. It is hard to get reliable statistics on who we are, due to how secretive we are, by necessity. Without a doubt, we are the most private and secretive subgroup in the population, due to the general population’s intolerance of men who like to dress like women. I would say “and also women who like to dress like men” but they already dress like men with full societal acceptance! The most reliable statistics I have found indicate that we represent between 3-5% of the general population, with 50% of all men having tried on female apparel at least once in their lives. We are, in the majority, straight and in a heterosexual relationship, with 3% of us being gay, which is representative of the general population as well.
There is an old joke: Q: What is the difference between crossdressers and transsexuals? A: About 5 years. This is a misnomer, as cross-dressing and transsexualism are very different. When I say “crossdresser” I am talking about men who present as male to the general public, but have an inner sense of also being female, and dressing accordingly when time and circumstance allow.
There is a wide range of self-acceptance, from those who feel a tugging to express inner femininity but are afraid of it, to those who fully accept the inner femme and express it in clothing, jewelry, and makeup when possible. How onboard are you with your inner femme? If you are not fully on board with her, what prevents that? The possible answers to this are so numerous. It can come from your family of origin, where men are men and women are women and nothing in between. It can be from society in general which, while getting a bit more gender-fluid these days, still draws a pretty sharp line between men and women. It can come from your significant other. As a side note, I have a couple of on-line friends who have lost their families because of their desire to crossdress and express that feminine part of who they are. It can also come from a fear of yourself – if I truly embrace my inner femme, what will happen to me? What will I become?
Many of us, in our early exploration of our inner femme, went through cycles of purchasing panties, or hose, or bras, only to purge them when our guilt became too great. The purchase/purge cycle will be familiar to many of you. I personally went through two purge cycles, pronouncing myself a diagnosable pervert, until I realized this has nothing to do with sexuality. It has to do with a sense of who you truly are. True, we are all sexual beings, but the identity of self is a much larger issue. If you enjoy wearing pretty panties under your male outerwear because it makes you feel more in balance with who you are, that isn’t sexuality – its mental health!
I am one of the fortunate ones who have a wife who is fully on board with my feminine side, and our marriage has benefitted greatly from that, as well as my sense of well-being. Others are not so fortunate, and that saddens me. So, where are you in this broad range of self-acceptance; ranging from terrified of your desire to wear a pair of panties to complete acceptance of your inner woman? If you struggle with complete acceptance of yourself, what are the barriers to that acceptance? Get those keyboards warmed up. You know I love to hear your thoughts and stories. Oh, and happy New Year!!!
Fond regards,
Angie
25 comments
I have just found this site Xdress and I have purchased some products.But I have found you Angie and reading your comments being on board.I have been wearing sexy clothes for years.I have a very beautiful wife that loves to see me wear my sexy clothing and I do feel nice wearing it.As I said I like reading your stories that our guys do have understanding wife’s as well.Cheers Adam
Ally i feel u i like my make up and outerwear and underwear femme but my masculinity has to be forefront so like you i do me in mixed mode but mainly masculine
Xdress has totally helped me to accept, embrace and explore my feminine side. That’s thanks to Xdress and thanks to all those guys, girls and otherwise identified people who post on here too. Since I’ve discovered Xdress I’ve not only expanded my range of lovely and comfortable ubderwear but I’ve really felt so happy to be able to express the way I feel with others in this community. I’ve also grown much more confident so as to wear outerwear and make-up outdoors and in public. For me, the trick is to be feminine but not try to be female. But that’s me. If someone else wants to go female that’s fine by me – but not for me. I feel so much closer to you too though. And I feel so much happier to be giving myself permission to wear what I like to wear.
Thank you everyone.
Ally x
Dear Angie welcome back, we missed you! Thank you to all the people who filled in for you.
As others have noted it took me a long while to get on board with myself. It took a long time to understand what was going on inside.
I too went through purges guilt self doubt and questioning my sexuality. I know that society’s rules have pushed many men who enjoy crossdressing into thinking they are perverts gay bisexual transsexual etc. It takes good information self introspection and blogs like this one to help us figure out which one we are. I d like to add another take on it though.
For me I m just a heterosexual man who enjoys crossdressing for sexual reasons for kinky reasons for challenging social norms for style for relaxing for feeling sexy and feeling good. I dont feel I m in the wrong body or want to transition. I wear make up to enhance my male face not look feminine. So, some of you out there you dont have to be a woman or feel like you are a woman to wear lingerie or make up or heels. There is a place for you too. All of us have a place and can be true to ourselves!
My favorite outfit is skinny jeans with stillettos a white shirt and a matching bra and panty set with light foundation and lip balm.
My wife is not fully onboard but she doesn’t prevent me from wearing panties (actually likes some of the styles), womens jeans or getting my toes done (often with her).
I love her and thank her for that.
I ve toyed around with the labels of gender fluid non binary and fetish cd, none of them quite fit.
I m just me!
Thank you xdress for this great opportunity to discuss with fellow like minded people
Wear something pretty today I am
Stevie
Hi Angie,
I am dating a guy with which we decided to be very opened about who we are sexually and not sexually.
One of the things he shared with me is that he likes to cross dress. I am very open minded person but still it took me 5 mins to process what you brilliantly explained in your post. Passed that, the fact that he shared that with me brought us even closer as we shop together for lingerie both his and mine and I adore the connection that we have when I do his make up.
Cross dressing should not be a monster in the relationship but a way to enhance intimacy and trust.