Greetings dear readers. I hope you had a wonderful holiday season and found some pretties under your Christmas tree. I decided to give the keyboard a vacation and spent time with my wonderful wife. But fair warning – I’m baaack!
This will be the final installment in my “Onboard” series. You can read the others, in order, starting with Getting the Wife Onboard here Getting the Wife Onboard: Part II here and Beyond Getting the Wife Onboard – Coming out to Others here.
Today I’d like to talk about getting yourself onboard. I have read a lot of discussions here at XDress and also on other sites, and I find there is a great variance in the level of acceptance we have of ourselves as crossdressers.
First, let’s take a look at who we are, demographically speaking. It is hard to get reliable statistics on who we are, due to how secretive we are, by necessity. Without a doubt, we are the most private and secretive subgroup in the population, due to the general population’s intolerance of men who like to dress like women. I would say “and also women who like to dress like men” but they already dress like men with full societal acceptance! The most reliable statistics I have found indicate that we represent between 3-5% of the general population, with 50% of all men having tried on female apparel at least once in their lives. We are, in the majority, straight and in a heterosexual relationship, with 3% of us being gay, which is representative of the general population as well.
There is an old joke: Q: What is the difference between crossdressers and transsexuals? A: About 5 years. This is a misnomer, as cross-dressing and transsexualism are very different. When I say “crossdresser” I am talking about men who present as male to the general public, but have an inner sense of also being female, and dressing accordingly when time and circumstance allow.
There is a wide range of self-acceptance, from those who feel a tugging to express inner femininity but are afraid of it, to those who fully accept the inner femme and express it in clothing, jewelry, and makeup when possible. How onboard are you with your inner femme? If you are not fully on board with her, what prevents that? The possible answers to this are so numerous. It can come from your family of origin, where men are men and women are women and nothing in between. It can be from society in general which, while getting a bit more gender-fluid these days, still draws a pretty sharp line between men and women. It can come from your significant other. As a side note, I have a couple of on-line friends who have lost their families because of their desire to crossdress and express that feminine part of who they are. It can also come from a fear of yourself – if I truly embrace my inner femme, what will happen to me? What will I become?
Many of us, in our early exploration of our inner femme, went through cycles of purchasing panties, or hose, or bras, only to purge them when our guilt became too great. The purchase/purge cycle will be familiar to many of you. I personally went through two purge cycles, pronouncing myself a diagnosable pervert, until I realized this has nothing to do with sexuality. It has to do with a sense of who you truly are. True, we are all sexual beings, but the identity of self is a much larger issue. If you enjoy wearing pretty panties under your male outerwear because it makes you feel more in balance with who you are, that isn’t sexuality – its mental health!
I am one of the fortunate ones who have a wife who is fully on board with my feminine side, and our marriage has benefitted greatly from that, as well as my sense of well-being. Others are not so fortunate, and that saddens me. So, where are you in this broad range of self-acceptance; ranging from terrified of your desire to wear a pair of panties to complete acceptance of your inner woman? If you struggle with complete acceptance of yourself, what are the barriers to that acceptance? Get those keyboards warmed up. You know I love to hear your thoughts and stories. Oh, and happy New Year!!!
Fond regards,
Angie
25 comments
Dear Angie
Thank you very much for your post. Yes, I am interested in bras and I have been researching your site. My measure and the L, I will take advantage of your Combo campaign to acquire the bra and panties. At this moment I have many underwear and I have no bras and after seeing them I felt like my husband.
I thank your blog and the possibility of sharing many of our doubts and fears. I live in Portugal and my parents are still very closed when it comes to different people. My husband is from a traditional family like me. He always had the desire to bond with another man. For family reasons, work and friends did not have the courage and only now at the age of 62 did so. To my surprise, he went with me. Although we cannot assume, for family reasons (children and grandchildren) whenever we can we are together. It was always important to me from the beginning not to harm you in any way. He is an intelligent, polite, kind man who gives me great happiness. He loves my femme side and encourages me to develop it. Thank you very much for your kindness.
What a wonderful conversation this is! Nuno, you made the comment about interest in wearing bras. You will find a great selection here at XD. The cool thing is that they are designed for men, so there is no worry about cup size. I don’t know about you, but I’m about a cup size zero (as in nothing to show) and the XD bras are perfect for me. I have a shameful number of bras, thanks to XD, and wear almost daily. Have fun, dear sister, and discover the wonderful world of bras!
Randy, you made the comment that your mother helped you in discovering your feminine self. I am so jealous of you! Like you, I underdress daily, although in these colder months, I wear tights instead of hose for the sake of leg warmth. I keep one pair of men’s underwear for my annual visit to my male doctor for a physical exam. Him being pretty conservative, I don’t think he would understand me wearing a pair of XD satin panties complete with lace and a bow!
Fond regards,
Angie
Hello Rand
Thank you very much for your post. From a very early age I realized my femme side and I love feeling like a woman. Inside me, only my feminine side is exalted. Unfortunately I am from a traditional family and the world in which I move at work would not accept this femme side of me. I don’t think I hid myself, but unfortunately I am forced to do so. I had 2 boyfriends and for a few years I didn’t have anyone. As I already posted I have a relationship with an older person at this moment, which at first seemed strange to me for family reasons, too. Contrary to what I thought at the time, it has been wonderful not being married to him but I consider him a fantastic husband. He encourages me to be more and more a woman on a daily basis even though we can only do it in our privacy. Like Rand, I normally use underwear in everyday life and I will start in the world of bras and socks soon. Thanks!
Welcome to Nuno. I really agree with your comments. I have been “dressing” for years. I started out dressing when I was a teen with the help of my mother. Gradually worked up to wearing light make-up and did take a lot of time before I really had the confidence to go out dressed in public. I just usually wear panties, a bra, and hosiery under my male clothes. I am openly gay and my boyfriend, soon to be husband, approves and has started dressing himself.
Hello Angie
Thank you very much for your post and for welcoming me. I’m glad I found your blog to be able to share my experiences. And above all to have realized that we are many with the same doubts and problems. If I may, I have made a post of my current experience with an older person who often speaks against me and we do not give such an opportunity. I gave and I am very happy, although we cannot assume before our families we are super happy. He already told me to order something for me on your website, which I will do I am curious about bras. Thank you!