Getting the Wife Onboard: Part II

May 14, 2018 9 Comments

Getting the Wife Onboard:  Part II

 

In order to get the context of this article, it would be helpful to you to read the first installment. You can read it here. Go ahead and read it - I’ll wait. (Crickets, crickets.) Okay, so off we go.

So you’ve had The Talk or some version of it with your wife and she knows you like to cross dress. As an aside, I’ll be using the term, “wife” in this article for the sake of brevity. You can substitute whatever word works for you. I don’t mean to exclude anyone from this discourse. So your wife knows you like the finer things of women’s clothing and is onboard with you. Where do you go from here? That is what this article is all about. 

First, “onboard” covers a wide range of acceptance, from accepting your crossdressing only when she or you are away from home to full acceptance of daily crossdressing in full femme attire. Also, your sense of the level of crossdressing that fits you can cover a wide range as well, from the occasional pair of panties, to dressing every day in lingerie, skirts, and blouses. Recognizing the very broad and fascinating range that crossdressing can cover, let’s consider a few things.

First, and foremost, successful crossdressing is about honesty and relationship. That honesty and relationship is two-dimensional. The first dimension is relationship with yourself; what does crossdressing mean to you? Why do you do it? What motivates you to come to Xdress and read this blog, as well as look at the beautiful lingerie here? What drives you? Start with honesty with yourself. 

 

The second dimension is your relationship with your wife. I can’t emphasize enough that being successful in your relationship with your wife is all about communication. This is true of any relationship, be it straight, gay, or Martian. As you become self-aware, you will be much better equipped to communicate with your wife, who has every right to know these things. Remember: what you have chosen affects her life as well. Kindness, respect and honesty are the three golden rules of communication with her (as they are in any civilized society).

As I mentioned in my first article, “Getting the Wife Onboard” (you did read it, didn’t you – Scouts honor?), most wives fear two things: 1) are you gay? and 2) do you want to be a woman? For the great majority of us, the answers, in order, are “no” and “no”. (Don’t get the order of the answers mixed up….sorry, just yanking your chain.) I think the best description I’ve heard of the difference between being gay and being transgender (meaning across genders) is that being gay has to do with who you want to go to bed with. Being transgender (crossdressing) has to do with who you want to go to bed as. I can tell you I go to bed as Angie every night, thanks to my wonderful wife, who has purchased most of my nightgowns. Be sure your wife understands the difference.

Okay, enough of the basics. Let’s assume your wife is onboard with your inner femme. Where do you go, further down the road?

I can tell you that my marriage has never been better than it is now, and I’ve been married to my wonderful wife for over two decades. Our marriage truly took off in a positive direction when I fully owned and she fully accepted my sense of my broader and feminine self. A number of things happened that I want to share with you that may help you in your journey into this fascinating world of the gender fluid.

First, I took on a slogan: “If I’m going to dress like a girl, I’m going to work like a girl.” That means I fully share in the housekeeping and cooking. I’ll tell you that I am a totally incompetent cook, but my wife is a great one. She assigned me the role of sous chef, meaning gofer and dish washer. Hey – I’m fine with that, as long as I’m in dressed en femme. She even hugs me once in a while and, shameless thing that she is, snaps my bra strap. What a hussy!

Secondly, enjoy shopping. Your wife has a new girlfriend. Go for it! You have the perfect partner (and cover) to find all kinds of girly clothing in the brick and mortar shops. My wife will see something and say, “Do you think your Aunt Angie would like this?” if a sales associate is in the vicinity. Otherwise it is “Oh Angie, look at this!” When your wife picks out blouses, skirts, panties, and bras for you? Pure gold! The other really fun thing is to go online and shop together. Xdress and Body Aware are great places to go. Their lingerie is exquisite. They also have his and hers lingerie, which is a total blast. When your wife is willing to have you underdress as she does, you are home free!

Don’t forget to go to the nail salon with your wife and have manicures and pedicures. While you are at it, purchase a gift certificate for her for some nail care and maybe a facial (lady’s love gift certificates in their Christmas stocking).

One thing I want to add. As you go further down the road in this wonderful exploration of who you really are, never, but never forget to celebrate your wife’s femininity. It is the core of who she is, and you should always make sure she knows that, while you love the lingerie of Xdress and Body aware, and the skirts and blouse in the brick and mortar stores, she has not lost the man that will cherish and protect her. As I said in the previous blog (you did read it, didn’t you?) make sure she knows she hasn’t lost her man – she’s gained a girlfriend. Now, get out there and have some fun!

 

Fondest wishes,

Angie, XD Guest Blogger 


9 Responses

Steff
Steff

May 19, 2018

Brandy
What an awesome thing to be able to share
It builds intimacy
The first step is the hardest
Are there any local support groups where u coukd start dressing

Brandy
Brandy

May 17, 2018

My wife discovered my dressing and was very enthusiastic about it. She loves being my GF when we do nails and such. Now that I am retired I spend about 80% of my time as a woman. If I come out wearing men’s clothes she wonders if I am not feeling well.. She says I am very passable and encourages me that we should go out with me dressed. How do I find the courage?

Keri
Keri

May 17, 2018

Hi Angie, you are right it is a rush. The first time a lady besides my wife asked me I was quite excited by the request. Every time I have been asked I was excited to be honest. Obviously she had to now tell me her bra size and show me a few examples of what she liked. My wife had no objections and probably liked seeing her hubby as one of the gurls knowing full well I loved it.

Steff
Steff

May 15, 2018

Ahhh! Going further! I think I am as far as she is willing to go with this and I’m fine with where I am. Well maybe not. I d like to be at least able to wear my heels in the house and some of my lingerie to bed. But overall she knows and at least I dont have to hide my clothes
I recommend all read crossdressing with dignity
Again Angie great blog

Angie
Angie

May 15, 2018

Thank you all for such kind and helpful comments. Keri and Michelle, we have some great wives, don’t we? Both of you understand very well the idea of letting the wife lead the way, in terms of what is acceptable. I really think that is a matter of proper respect for her. Keri, I would love to have ladies seek out my consultation on the right bra. What a rush that would be! Bruce, thanks for your kind wishes. You all are the best kind of sisters to have!

Fondly,
Angie

Bruce
Bruce

May 15, 2018

HONESTY and faithfulness are very important in our relationship also .Happy birthday,you old doll.

Michelle
Michelle

May 15, 2018

Hello Angie,
I have a similar relationship with my wife as Keri does. She is happy for me to wear lingerie hidden under my clothes to work or out to dinner etc. However, a skirt and blouse or a dress is only for “us” time. She does however allow me to wear nice nighties as long as they are not too girly. I have some very pretty summer ones and some long warm winter ones ( one with small pink flowers on it. very daring).
When we are having sex i can dress up to my hearts content in lingerie. My current favourite is a lacy purple g-string and a purple bra to match with DD cups and inserts to match. Some 6 inch heels and thigh high stockings complete the ensemble. It drives the wife wild! I hope we can get a bit more adventurous when we go away this October on a cruise. No-one will know her or me so she can relax and let me dress the way I want to I hope.
I love your Blog Angie.

sidney.
sidney.

May 15, 2018

Iike the story my gf wants me to dress the way I want.to when I want. Thank you

Keri (Scottsdale)
Keri (Scottsdale)

May 14, 2018

Hi Angie,

You mentioned your wife has a new girlfriend aka husband. That struck a cord with me as that is exactly what I believe my wife realizes she has. I can’t say exactly when that realization came to be but it has been at least several years. It began long after her acceptance of my wearing panties and some other feminine attire. One day while shopping at a Dillard’s semi annual bra sale she asked me to help find her a bra in the exploding pile of bras they had out on tables. She said, “you like bras so why not”. She didn’t have to ask twice. I immediately was in the bra bins looking for what she likes and her size. It doesn’t happen often but I have been asked by other ladies to help them as well. With my wife’s approval of course. All of a sudden I am one of the girls. We have done this several times over the years. I love it. I love shopping in lingerie anyway. What gurl doesn’t? I also love shopping for dresses, skirts, blouses, makeup and anything feminine. Having a wife bring you along is such a bonus. Now so as not to mislead. My wife does not want me crossdressing. She has to more or less initiate and approve of anything fem that I buy and wear. Hence the shorts, tops, peds, sneakers, jackets, and even purses are all approved firsthand. All of these things look unisex enough so as not to cause alarm. As I may have mentioned before she loves me in pastels as I have white hair so pinks, purples and other typically feminine colors are all okay under the rules. I don’t think I could ever get away with bras or wearing skirts and dresses. BUT, I do get the girlfriend thing.

I may have also previously mentioned how nice it is to have a girlfriend. Like in a gurl like us let’s say. We have shopped and actually bought panties, bras, slips and nightgowns for ourselves and where applicable each other. Very exciting I must say and really gurly fun. Yes, there is a certain awkwardness but it is fading. Why shouldn’t it. Girls shop for men’s things all the time. Why not the other way around.

Great Blog Angie.

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