Greetings dear readers. I hope you had a wonderful holiday season and found some pretties under your Christmas tree. I decided to give the keyboard a vacation and spent time with my wonderful wife. But fair warning – I’m baaack!
This will be the final installment in my “Onboard” series. You can read the others, in order, starting with Getting the Wife Onboard here Getting the Wife Onboard: Part II here and Beyond Getting the Wife Onboard – Coming out to Others here.
Today I’d like to talk about getting yourself onboard. I have read a lot of discussions here at XDress and also on other sites, and I find there is a great variance in the level of acceptance we have of ourselves as crossdressers.
First, let’s take a look at who we are, demographically speaking. It is hard to get reliable statistics on who we are, due to how secretive we are, by necessity. Without a doubt, we are the most private and secretive subgroup in the population, due to the general population’s intolerance of men who like to dress like women. I would say “and also women who like to dress like men” but they already dress like men with full societal acceptance! The most reliable statistics I have found indicate that we represent between 3-5% of the general population, with 50% of all men having tried on female apparel at least once in their lives. We are, in the majority, straight and in a heterosexual relationship, with 3% of us being gay, which is representative of the general population as well.
There is an old joke: Q: What is the difference between crossdressers and transsexuals? A: About 5 years. This is a misnomer, as cross-dressing and transsexualism are very different. When I say “crossdresser” I am talking about men who present as male to the general public, but have an inner sense of also being female, and dressing accordingly when time and circumstance allow.
There is a wide range of self-acceptance, from those who feel a tugging to express inner femininity but are afraid of it, to those who fully accept the inner femme and express it in clothing, jewelry, and makeup when possible. How onboard are you with your inner femme? If you are not fully on board with her, what prevents that? The possible answers to this are so numerous. It can come from your family of origin, where men are men and women are women and nothing in between. It can be from society in general which, while getting a bit more gender-fluid these days, still draws a pretty sharp line between men and women. It can come from your significant other. As a side note, I have a couple of on-line friends who have lost their families because of their desire to crossdress and express that feminine part of who they are. It can also come from a fear of yourself – if I truly embrace my inner femme, what will happen to me? What will I become?
Many of us, in our early exploration of our inner femme, went through cycles of purchasing panties, or hose, or bras, only to purge them when our guilt became too great. The purchase/purge cycle will be familiar to many of you. I personally went through two purge cycles, pronouncing myself a diagnosable pervert, until I realized this has nothing to do with sexuality. It has to do with a sense of who you truly are. True, we are all sexual beings, but the identity of self is a much larger issue. If you enjoy wearing pretty panties under your male outerwear because it makes you feel more in balance with who you are, that isn’t sexuality – its mental health!
I am one of the fortunate ones who have a wife who is fully on board with my feminine side, and our marriage has benefitted greatly from that, as well as my sense of well-being. Others are not so fortunate, and that saddens me. So, where are you in this broad range of self-acceptance; ranging from terrified of your desire to wear a pair of panties to complete acceptance of your inner woman? If you struggle with complete acceptance of yourself, what are the barriers to that acceptance? Get those keyboards warmed up. You know I love to hear your thoughts and stories. Oh, and happy New Year!!!
Fond regards,
Angie
25 comments
Hello !
Once again I congratulate Xdress for this blog. As I mentioned in some previous posts, I discovered Xdress by chance. I thought it was important to share my current experience with you and I hope to somehow demystify possibly a question that may arise “age difference”. As I already posted here I discovered my femme as a teenager. In all these years I have had two boyfriends and a one-night stand. After a few years, in a book signing session, I met a man older than me 19 years old. I’m 43 he 62! A distinguished person, aviation pilot, cultured, intelligent, an excellent conversation and very friendly. Widowed with 2 children and 3 grandchildren. There was empathy between us, we talked a lot, we had dinner a few times, he alone and me too, until one day he confided his interest in men to me. But that in the world in which it lived it was impossible to assume. It baffled me and I confided that I liked men and wore lingerie. We both didn’t know what to do, I thought it was strange at the time a person much older than me! I confess it was not easy, quite the contrary. At the same time he was a wonderful man. He told me I don’t have much time and I would like to try it. One day I said why not! Despite the differences in age, we are happy, although not assumed for family reasons. He has been a wonderful “husband” and loves to see me in lingerie and he himself offers it to me. In short, let’s not have problems with age and break this stigma. thanks!
Nuno, you are absolutely welcome for the blog. I am glad that it was helpful to you. You are right – we live in a society where stereotypes prevail – including attitudes towards us who like to shop on the “other side of the store.” Don’t let that discourage you from being who you are. If there weren’t a lot us us, wonderful boutiques like Xdress and Body Aware wouldn’t exist!
Fond regards,
Angie
Hello
First of all thanks for the post. I loved reading and realizing that some of the fears that torment me are common to many others. From a very early age my feminine side was latent in me. I loved playing house with my cousins and taking on the role of a girl. And I loved to see their pants and I never felt any desire other than to be like them. Later in adolescence, playing with a friend at home, he kissed me on the mouth and what seemed strange to me at first got even deeper. It was with him that I started my sex life and started crossdressing with underwear that he asked me to use. At the beginning of this month I started to buy my own. I am from a traditional family and I have an executive job and it is difficult to fully assume my femininity except when I am with my boyfriend or alone. Unfortunately, we are in a very stereotyped society in terms of behavior, but I feel happy.
Thanks for your blog.
Thank you all for your kind words. Gosh, if I’m feeling down, I’ll just come here and read your comments! It is interesting to me that we have so much in common, regarding our experience in this fascinating voyage into a fuller sense of self. I admire everyone’s intelligence in insightfulness in sharing your stories. A personal note to Rose: for some suggestions on how to approach your wife, see my blog “Getting the Wife Onboard”. There is a link to it in this blog. Good luck sis!
Finally, to all of you wonderful readers, may 2020 be the best year yet!
Fond regards,
Angie
Getting myself onboard was certainly difficult, as it took the first 21 years of my life to do so. However, my acceptance of myself was rapidily accelerated through various supportive outlets, namely my beautiful girlfriend and forums such as these. The first few months of dressing androgynously was the most difficult, as I had not found my groove with both makeup and clothing, and surely stood out as an oddball.
Once I gained confidence in my newfound appearance, it showed. My makeup is subtle: I wear foundation / eyeliner daily, and lipstick / eyeshadow occasionally. My girlfriend helped me apply all these initially, but I have started doing some things on my own with her guidance. My style suits my body type, and my outfits are much better put together.
My confidence in who I am has also extended into the people I have chosen to reveal this side of me to. I now have presented myself in my raw form to my mom, sister and her boyfriend, and my other sister. I do not plan on hiding who I am from any other family members in the future as well.
It’s insane to fathom that I once was a scared and insecure person who never wanted anybody to know about this side of me. Now I wear it like armor, and do so proudly. This journey could not have been possible without all the support from my GF, as well as all of you here.
Thank you all for your indirect support, as well as Angie for writing this great blog!
-Nathan