Getting the Wife Onboard

Getting the Wife Onboard
You might be like a lot of other cross dressers that live a life of secrecy and only wear your favorite panties when your wife/partner is away or you are on a business trip. That secrecy can induce feelings of guilt and frustration. The cardinal rule to a good relationship is no secrets, yet here you are hiding an important part of who you are. To tell or not to tell? That is the question. Let’s suppose you’ve decided it’s time to out yourself to your wife/partner. How to go about it? First, a few things not to do:
  1. Don’t “accidentally” leave a picture on your phone or computer for her to discover.
  2. Don’t surprise her by being fully dressed in skirt and blouse.
  3. Don’t ambush her by taking her to a counselor where you reveal your feminine self.

Your attitude should be one of care and respect. This is going to affect her life as well as yours. The first things you may need to assure her of are that you do not want to switch sexual preferences and that you are still her husband/partner and intend to remain genetically male. These are the most common fears women have when becoming aware of their man’s feminine side. In other words, they are afraid of losing their man. Hopefully you know your wife well enough to have some sense of how she will react. Some women would rather leave the relationship than see her man in a pair of panties. If this is your sense of who she is, you might want to speak to a qualified therapist first. There are those women who will never accept your cross dressing, period. Other women approach it with interest and curiosity. Hopefully your lady is one of these.


Before having “The Talk” be sure you are clear with yourself on what cross dressing means to you. Why do you do it? She’s going to ask, so be prepared. Don’t be defensive – you are simply sharing a part of yourself that she didn’t know existed. Actually, she probably sort of did, but didn’t know where it was coming from – your sensitivity, caring, nurturing. All these things that can make a marriage/relationship so wonderful have been coming from your feminine self. The panties are just an outward expression of these gifts you bring to the relationship. If she wants more information on cross dressing, there are some very good sites on the internet tailored to the spouse of a cross dresser. As with all things, there are also some bad ones. There are also some sites that can be helpful to you in preparing for The Talk.


Importantly, once you have revealed your feminine self, go slow with what you wear. Start conservatively, as you want her to accept you, not be shocked by you. At least initially, avoid the more edgy lingerie. You need to give her time to accept this new you – at least new to her. Xdress has some conservative, but very attractive panties, such as the Satin High Waist Tricot Panty. Also, you might look at the Invisible Pleasure Brief and the Glistening Satin & Lace panty. The Glistening Satin & Lace Panty also has a matching camisole that is very attractive.


Lastly, be sure to show her what fun it can be being married to a cross dresser – the shopping, the chick flicks, the girlfriend nights doing each other’s nails. Help her understand that she isn’t losing her man – she’s gaining a girlfriend!

Angie, Guest Blogger

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I have been cross dressing since I was seven I have always kept it to myself yes I have been discovered and lost girlfriends because of my fetish.. well I met a lady in the internant after a month I told her about my fetish.. she is so into my crossdressing.shevis. Back east taking care of her grandma and she has sent me a package with two sexy dresses and sexy panties and a dirty parody panties.we BOTH into roleplay and dominate and submission.she tells me to put the lingerie on and model it for her than the dresses.. she is truly the QUEEN OF ALL MY DREAMS AND DESIRES AND FANTASYS


Hi all. I have been dressing since before puberty. As a child of around 7 ? I was called a girls name by my peers, this was hurtful and confusing. My parents were old fashion & hard. If I cried as a young boy they would tell me to stop being a sissy or they would put a skirt on me if I didn’t stop crying. Later in life now 52 I see that was quite abusive ? Or did they see I was feminine? Anyways I’m now married with a wonderful family whom I love more than my crossdressing. However I’d love for my wife to accept ALL of me. She has seen my dressed as she found pics on my computer. But she sends mixed signals, for example she once joked about me looking better than her in a pencil skirt .. I saw this as an invite , so I went to bedroom and tried it on along with pantyhose & one of her blouses. She saw me and look amazed and said “ told ya “ and then she laughed. She has also joked about getting me a pink dress years ago. I think she knows I’m more feminine than masculine . I cry watching tele more than her, I worry about our kids more than her . My sense of fashion is way more adventurous and totally more feminine than hers. In fact she has only recently started to dress more feminine, but likes to cut her hair like a tom boy lesbian ? Anyways I’d love her to accept my femme side & enjoy me being dressed and girlie with her. How can I do this ? Oops one more thing regards the “ bedroom “. She has always like controlled this area . I can only have Fun pretty much on her terms when she wants . I’ve often attempted to be the alpha male and take her like many women want and she doesn’t allow me to be like this . I’m confused . Please help Sylvia


Love your courage! It took me a while and a few SO’s to accept but it is better to be honest up front than to repress. Life is too short to wear men’s underwear ALL the time! XDress panties offer a fun a flirty alternative!


I started crossdressing about a month ago. I really enjoy it. I am not ashamed of it. It gives me a sense of rebellion I have never had, breaking such a Taboo. I also find it an escape from the divisiveness and dysfunctionality the United States is in.

I am married, and straight as an arrow. I do not believe in keeping secrets from one’s spouse, so I told my wife, who went from initial acceptance to being quite upset about it. I respected her wishes and told her I was done with it, and have not dressed up in my outfit since. I do not resent her for that. Let’s face it: probably 99% of women do not want their husbands dressed as women. On the flip side, can you imagine your wife dressed as US Marine Corps Drill Sergeant? LOL

I still wish to do it though. I only told her recently, and expecting my high-heel shoes in the mail. To change her mind, I was thinking of saying to her: “My high heels have arrived.” I guess I should return them?

Any thoughts or comments?


I really wish my spouse was more understanding. It took quite a bit for to reveal myself to her and she basically told me if I wanted crossdress to leave! I was devastated and humiliated. At loss for any words!


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