Hello again, dear readers!
Instead of talking about fashion or shopping today, I would like to discuss a somewhat more intimidating topic; presenting en femme around others. This includes everyone from your doctor, an old friend and even your mother in-law.
When I first began presenting myself en femme, I had a lot of fear about who would see and judge me for it. I only ever dressed up at home when I wasn't planning on going out, and even then I was nervous to do this around my girlfriend. I had spent the first 20 years of my life living the way society had expected me to. This resulted in an excess amount of fear and anxiety of others, even if they happened to be polite. That is no way to live for anyone.
To begin building confidence, you must continue to step out of your comfort zone and dress feminine as many places as possible. I personally began with places that we all go, the grocery store and any other place I normally frequent when running errands. It's generally good advice to start slow, and wear something subtle such as a pair of jeans with a cute top and a pair of low heels or boots. An outfit that helps you blend in more can definitely ease any anxiety you may have about going out appearing as a woman.
Instead of talking about fashion or shopping today, I would like to discuss a somewhat more intimidating topic; presenting en femme around others. This includes everyone from your doctor, an old friend and even your mother in-law.
When I first began presenting myself en femme, I had a lot of fear about who would see and judge me for it. I only ever dressed up at home when I wasn't planning on going out, and even then I was nervous to do this around my girlfriend. I had spent the first 20 years of my life living the way society had expected me to. This resulted in an excess amount of fear and anxiety of others, even if they happened to be polite. That is no way to live for anyone.
To begin building confidence, you must continue to step out of your comfort zone and dress feminine as many places as possible. I personally began with places that we all go, the grocery store and any other place I normally frequent when running errands. It's generally good advice to start slow, and wear something subtle such as a pair of jeans with a cute top and a pair of low heels or boots. An outfit that helps you blend in more can definitely ease any anxiety you may have about going out appearing as a woman.
For some, being subtle isn't very thrilling especially when you've been wanting to wear skirts and heels your whole life. So for me, I push the envelope and simply wear whatever it is I want, regardless of the stares I may receive. I essentially never wear anything but heels, pantyhose and a nice skirt/top or dress when going out. This has certainly given me my fair share of judgement, however one thing worth mentioning is I have never received any negative comments about my appearance.
That's the beauty of being yourself. Most of the time, others will not go out of their way to ridicule you especially when they are complete strangers. At the time of writing this, I have only ever received compliments for the way I present myself. This is a tremendous confidence booster for all the men that decide to be brave enough and present their feminine side. It was mentioned in the comments of my past blog that being feminine "is the new alpha" and I can agree. It takes a thousand times more courage to step outside wearing a dress as a man, then it does to slip on a pair of pants and t-shirt just to blend in.
Around certain people though, you have to apply some self control. Some people have very old doctors, which probably wouldn't be very comfortable seeing you in a pink lace thong (like the beautiful Turbo Lace Picot Thong) while on their examination table. Others like your mother in-law, may be uncomfortable seeing you in a sequin mini dress with glittery stilettos. It's people like this that you may have to appease in your fashion choices just so the environment isn't uncomfortable. That is something I have found to be completely tolerable, as you only have to repress your femininity temporarily while around these people.
Granted, you should never have to change who you are for anyone. But there has to be a line we as men know when not to cross, for the sake of others comfort. This applies to your significant other as well. Never try to compete with your woman, or try to be more feminine than her. Not only is this inherently impossible, but it can also be a catalyst for some of her resentment towards you because she will always be the woman in the relationship. To put it simply, change it up now and then. Wear something traditionally masculine once in a while to remind her you are still comfortable as a man.
And if you are gay or trans, these things probably won't apply to you. So at that point, make your best judgement simply depending on your own situation. I'm not here to tell anyone how to live, I merely wish to pass on advice based on my own experiences. In the end, presenting en femme is a beautiful and courageous act and I applaud and respect all the men brave enough to do it.
So, that will wrap up this blog for now! Tell me all about your experiences; how often do you go out en femme, who you may or may not dress up around and anyone that might have made you feel uncomfortable while you were dressed. It's time for us to get some support in the comments.
Xoxo,
Nathan
31 comments
Great post! I follow the same path, start out easy and comfortable and then try and take it up a notch. I’ve been wearing men’s lingerie for a while now and probably own more bras than the average woman does. Got all kinds of styles from teddies to garters. Of course I wear those under my pants and shirts so it’s pretty safe.
My next step up was to wear heels out in public. First I was wearing them to the store and while I may get some weird glares from people waiting for the traffic light while I cross the street, most people kinda ignore it anyway. No snickers no comments. After all, people are there shopping and don’t really care what anyone is wearing.
I work as an usher at a performing arts theater and I started wearing the heels there while I was working. For the most part, the comments were very positive and any negative comments were more out of ignorance than anything else. People are becoming more acceptable of my heels and are beginning to realize that is what I am all about. Older people probably roll their eyes and keep quiet. Of course, most of the compliments I get are from other women and I get a lot of smiles from women too.
My next step is to wear heels, tights/pantyhose and tie it together with some skirts/skorts I’ve been buying lately (yes I even have a Victoria Secrets credit card). I’ve been wearing skirts to the store but I’ve been covering them up with longer shirts so it looks more like shorts than a skirt. So I’ll see how that turns out.
I may eventually want to do the entire transformation through crossdressing but right now I’m taking the baby steps and enjoying the adventure as it unfolds.
I like the advice to start slow. There’s no pressure/expectation on appearance if you’re not ready (if it ever comes at all). Go at your own your pace. Thank you for that! :)
From an early age have wondered why woman got to have the “sexy” lingerie, why not lingerie for men as well.? My preference would be plan design bras, merrywidows, bikinis, etc with no bows or lace (generally) but made of nylon, silk, polyester, etc fabrics……to me men deserve lingerie designed for men. No problem with the little bows and lace trim, the fem mode is just not what I ultimately prefer though wear it due to lack of lingerie designed for men who embrace their masculinity. I do not wear lingerie to embrace my fem side, rather I wear it to embrace my sensual side. Another way to put it, let lingerie be gender neutral.
I love this topic. I’m a straight man who has been very happily married for 26+ years and have a decades-long history of crossdressing and I have a very feminine side with all of my tastes. I also have masculine traits. This is an issue I’ve struggled with my entire life. I’m 57 years old, and I’ve been very blessed with a wife who is accepting of my feminine side, though I’ve never had the nerve to be seen publicly en femme, and she would likely be mortified if I were to be seen. In fact, though she sees me in panties on a daily basis, and has seen my toenails done French style, with white tips, she has never seen me wearing any of my two-dozen-plus mini skirts, heels, stockings, or makeup. There’s one exception – I have worn a very subtle color of lipstick quite regularly to church. It’s amazing how non-observant people can be, haha! Anyway, I applaud your bravery; it’s not my strong suit, that’s for sure.
All true. I live in a rural, conservative county, but situated in a naturally beautiful countryside with walking trails as well as small shops. I have met no challenges in skirts and tops (always over Xdress undies) anywhere, including the grocery. This weekend, I was walking along a rail trail enjoying the Fall colors, in a searsucker top over a denim mini and sandals. At the end, a woman approached me to ask about my license plate (NOW WATT, it’s an electric car), but she really wanted to start a conversation about my clothes and went there directly. She asked me if I were trans or gay or straight, and I explained that I am happily straight and married and simply prefer a skirt to any kind of pants or shorts, especially for a walk on a nice day. She was quite pleased and told me I had “made her day.” I think she too often has to deal with toxic masculinity in her daily work life. The conversation drifted into a wide range of other topics and a new friend was made!
The moral of this story: Own it! The world appreciates that, whatever the basis.