Hello again, dear readers!
Instead of talking about fashion or shopping today, I would like to discuss a somewhat more intimidating topic; presenting en femme around others. This includes everyone from your doctor, an old friend and even your mother in-law.
When I first began presenting myself en femme, I had a lot of fear about who would see and judge me for it. I only ever dressed up at home when I wasn't planning on going out, and even then I was nervous to do this around my girlfriend. I had spent the first 20 years of my life living the way society had expected me to. This resulted in an excess amount of fear and anxiety of others, even if they happened to be polite. That is no way to live for anyone.
To begin building confidence, you must continue to step out of your comfort zone and dress feminine as many places as possible. I personally began with places that we all go, the grocery store and any other place I normally frequent when running errands. It's generally good advice to start slow, and wear something subtle such as a pair of jeans with a cute top and a pair of low heels or boots. An outfit that helps you blend in more can definitely ease any anxiety you may have about going out appearing as a woman.
Instead of talking about fashion or shopping today, I would like to discuss a somewhat more intimidating topic; presenting en femme around others. This includes everyone from your doctor, an old friend and even your mother in-law.
When I first began presenting myself en femme, I had a lot of fear about who would see and judge me for it. I only ever dressed up at home when I wasn't planning on going out, and even then I was nervous to do this around my girlfriend. I had spent the first 20 years of my life living the way society had expected me to. This resulted in an excess amount of fear and anxiety of others, even if they happened to be polite. That is no way to live for anyone.
To begin building confidence, you must continue to step out of your comfort zone and dress feminine as many places as possible. I personally began with places that we all go, the grocery store and any other place I normally frequent when running errands. It's generally good advice to start slow, and wear something subtle such as a pair of jeans with a cute top and a pair of low heels or boots. An outfit that helps you blend in more can definitely ease any anxiety you may have about going out appearing as a woman.
For some, being subtle isn't very thrilling especially when you've been wanting to wear skirts and heels your whole life. So for me, I push the envelope and simply wear whatever it is I want, regardless of the stares I may receive. I essentially never wear anything but heels, pantyhose and a nice skirt/top or dress when going out. This has certainly given me my fair share of judgement, however one thing worth mentioning is I have never received any negative comments about my appearance.
That's the beauty of being yourself. Most of the time, others will not go out of their way to ridicule you especially when they are complete strangers. At the time of writing this, I have only ever received compliments for the way I present myself. This is a tremendous confidence booster for all the men that decide to be brave enough and present their feminine side. It was mentioned in the comments of my past blog that being feminine "is the new alpha" and I can agree. It takes a thousand times more courage to step outside wearing a dress as a man, then it does to slip on a pair of pants and t-shirt just to blend in.
Around certain people though, you have to apply some self control. Some people have very old doctors, which probably wouldn't be very comfortable seeing you in a pink lace thong (like the beautiful Turbo Lace Picot Thong) while on their examination table. Others like your mother in-law, may be uncomfortable seeing you in a sequin mini dress with glittery stilettos. It's people like this that you may have to appease in your fashion choices just so the environment isn't uncomfortable. That is something I have found to be completely tolerable, as you only have to repress your femininity temporarily while around these people.
Granted, you should never have to change who you are for anyone. But there has to be a line we as men know when not to cross, for the sake of others comfort. This applies to your significant other as well. Never try to compete with your woman, or try to be more feminine than her. Not only is this inherently impossible, but it can also be a catalyst for some of her resentment towards you because she will always be the woman in the relationship. To put it simply, change it up now and then. Wear something traditionally masculine once in a while to remind her you are still comfortable as a man.
And if you are gay or trans, these things probably won't apply to you. So at that point, make your best judgement simply depending on your own situation. I'm not here to tell anyone how to live, I merely wish to pass on advice based on my own experiences. In the end, presenting en femme is a beautiful and courageous act and I applaud and respect all the men brave enough to do it.
So, that will wrap up this blog for now! Tell me all about your experiences; how often do you go out en femme, who you may or may not dress up around and anyone that might have made you feel uncomfortable while you were dressed. It's time for us to get some support in the comments.
Xoxo,
Nathan
31 comments
I am 60+ and started enjoying dressing up at about 8-10 with my older sister. in my teen years i shifted to wanting to get into girls pants instead of wearing them. Late teen, i saw a pantsuit my girlfriend had bought a couple sizes too small for her with the intent she would lose weight and fit. It begged to be worn so it was just my size i discovered as i put it on. None of her shoes would fit me but as she came home i grabbed a purse and revealed my femme self in her outfit and purse slung over my shoulder. She was quite amused and insisted on a polaroid. We married and divorced a couple years later. However our daughter mentioned seeing the polaroid just a few years ago. With my current wife of 35+ years i wore her OP ladies running shorts. For our wedding night one of our gifts from a friend was a black teddy for her and some nylon sexy underwear for me. I tried on and wore some of her things and nearly got caught when i put a pair of her sexy white used underwear in the wash. She knew she had not worn them but never asked. Later i went through a time when i was wearing thongs quite frequently as i liked the feel. She was ok with this. I mostly dress when traveling abroad and in my hotel room. I have tried to get a fix on exactly where my wife is if i were to dress around her but have not as of yet gotten a clear indication. working this slowly because i don’t want to jeapordize us. Although for the past several years our love life is very strained and infrequent we are very close as friends. She complains of pain in intercourse. will see where this goes as our saga unfolds. For now i am discreetly fully dressed en femme in my hotel room reading and replying to this blog.
As a non-binary person the shift is a little bit different because I want to be perceived not as a man nor as a woman… but in a more feminine way for sure. Of course for safety reasons and anxiety control we need to be aware of the context we are in and our surroundings, having said that, sometimes it’s important to hold on a little bit and go through the transition in baby steps.
Kirsty
First kudos to u for being so accepting!
Second kudos to him for being upfront and honest
Now just my 2 cents
Please talk to him and tell him exactly what you told us
He should respect ur boundaries
He should respect that you want ur man too
Hopefully he will be as understanding to u as u were to him
He may go into the pink fog and forget that you married a male in male form
Hopefully you two can negotiate when and how often he will present this way
It so encouraging to the rest of us that maybe a similar experience can be had by us
Stevie
I hope it’s ok for a woman to comment on here, as my husband recently presented himself en-femme to me. It was fairly unexpected but wasn’t an entirely big shock. Before we were married my husband experimented with different underwear choices, starting with risqué items from gay underwear stores before progressing to women’s panties. I enjoyed seeing him in these unconventional garment choices and felt that it enhanced our intimacy somewhat. Over time, and following our marriage, he bagan subtly hinting that he’d like to try other items of lingerie (actually his hints weren’t very subtle to my female intuition), and introduced other items, including stockings with garter belts, corsets and even high heeled shoes. I enjoyed seeing him dressed in his outfits, particularly in those moments of intimacy, and this became a regular part of our personal lives
Very recently my husband started shaving his legs and other parts of his body (chest, armpits, etc.), which I wasn’t so keen on. For me the excitement connected to his lingerie choices definitely incuded the juxtaposition of his masculine body dressed in feminine garments. A couple of weeks ago my husband messaged me and told me to expect a surprise when I got back from work. When I got home he was waiting dressed completely en-femme! I hardly recognised him. He was wearing a long, blonde wig and very skilfully applied makeup. He was dressed in a sleek, expensive looking evening dress and very high heels. It even appeared that he had shaped his eyebrows (I later found out that he had been to a salon for eyebrow shaping, false eyelashes and makeup application), and he had shaped his body with breast and hip padding. I was taken aback, he actually looked like a different person and very much as an attractive woman, and not a crossdressed man. I have to admit that a memorable evening ensued that we both enjoyed very much. I guess that I was able to satisfy some deep held lesbian desires of mine because his appearance was so convincing. We talked about the whole event afterwards and he said that this was something he had wanted to try for some time. He tells me that he’d like to incorporate this into our personal lives on an occasional basis in the future. However, as I look at my husband now, with his shaved body and eyebrows that have been clearly shaped (into quite a feminine look), I’m feeling somewhat unsure and uncomfortable about where this could all lead. I guess that I did enjoy seeing my husband en-femme, but I definitely want him to be my man, no matter how he’s dressed.
I have also had a professional makeover, just once, although I’m going to again because the results were amazing and made me feel so feminine. I dress up at home but only on rare occasions when I know for sure that I won’t be disturbed, or caught, but the effect isn’t as exciting or convincing as the professional makeover I had. Nobody else knows that I like dressing en-femme, I’ve never told anyone and have never been out whilst dressed up, and I don’t really understand why I enjoy it so much. That being said, I am planning and have booked another make-over for next week that includes an escorted trip to a crossdressing bar/nightclub. I am quite apprehensive about being out in public completely en-femme for the first time, but also really excited. I’m thinking about what look to go for on the big night and would appreciate any advice from others who might have had similar experiences. Currently I’m imagining myself in an ultra feminine look with heavy make-up, a tight fitting slinky dress and killer heels. I’d also like to shave my legs before the makeover but am not sure how I’d explain this to my wife, who doesn’t know that I like to crossdress.