Getting the Wife Onboard

Getting the Wife Onboard
You might be like a lot of other cross dressers that live a life of secrecy and only wear your favorite panties when your wife/partner is away or you are on a business trip. That secrecy can induce feelings of guilt and frustration. The cardinal rule to a good relationship is no secrets, yet here you are hiding an important part of who you are. To tell or not to tell? That is the question. Let’s suppose you’ve decided it’s time to out yourself to your wife/partner. How to go about it? First, a few things not to do:
  1. Don’t “accidentally” leave a picture on your phone or computer for her to discover.
  2. Don’t surprise her by being fully dressed in skirt and blouse.
  3. Don’t ambush her by taking her to a counselor where you reveal your feminine self.

Your attitude should be one of care and respect. This is going to affect her life as well as yours. The first things you may need to assure her of are that you do not want to switch sexual preferences and that you are still her husband/partner and intend to remain genetically male. These are the most common fears women have when becoming aware of their man’s feminine side. In other words, they are afraid of losing their man. Hopefully you know your wife well enough to have some sense of how she will react. Some women would rather leave the relationship than see her man in a pair of panties. If this is your sense of who she is, you might want to speak to a qualified therapist first. There are those women who will never accept your cross dressing, period. Other women approach it with interest and curiosity. Hopefully your lady is one of these.


Before having “The Talk” be sure you are clear with yourself on what cross dressing means to you. Why do you do it? She’s going to ask, so be prepared. Don’t be defensive – you are simply sharing a part of yourself that she didn’t know existed. Actually, she probably sort of did, but didn’t know where it was coming from – your sensitivity, caring, nurturing. All these things that can make a marriage/relationship so wonderful have been coming from your feminine self. The panties are just an outward expression of these gifts you bring to the relationship. If she wants more information on cross dressing, there are some very good sites on the internet tailored to the spouse of a cross dresser. As with all things, there are also some bad ones. There are also some sites that can be helpful to you in preparing for The Talk.


Importantly, once you have revealed your feminine self, go slow with what you wear. Start conservatively, as you want her to accept you, not be shocked by you. At least initially, avoid the more edgy lingerie. You need to give her time to accept this new you – at least new to her. Xdress has some conservative, but very attractive panties, such as the Satin High Waist Tricot Panty. Also, you might look at the Invisible Pleasure Brief and the Glistening Satin & Lace panty. The Glistening Satin & Lace Panty also has a matching camisole that is very attractive.


Lastly, be sure to show her what fun it can be being married to a cross dresser – the shopping, the chick flicks, the girlfriend nights doing each other’s nails. Help her understand that she isn’t losing her man – she’s gaining a girlfriend!

Angie, Guest Blogger

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Nicky, I am so happy for you. You had the courage to come out to your wife, and she had the courage to accept you as you are. Like you, my marriage is much closer now than it has ever been. Why? Because I’m able to express my feminine self, which I have discovered is every woman’s best wish in her husband. Have fun, dear sister, and I wish the best for you and your dear lady. Be sure and take her on a virtual shopping trip at Xdress and Body Aware. Have fun, and spend some money!

Kindest regards,


It is difficult to talk with your wife about this…
I had to “come out” 5 weeks ago after being with my wife for 17 yrs. Ofcourse she was in shock and thought she lost her “man”, but after like 48 hours of talking she tried to understand me. And guess what… she does!
Never dared dreaming she would though but now im asking myself why i did not tell her earlier. My “hobby” (that’s how she calls it) is only with women underwear… and yes… i prefer pink, lace, silk, satin and everything that makes a pantie more girly. That is not her thing to be honest… she likes how i look in a thong but prefers black. She does let me wear my girly stuff but dont want to see that. Last weekend she asked me to show all my lingerie and even let me try it on to show her… and even after she said she dont want to see stockings or garthers, she did let me put them on. Her reaction: damn… you do wear it like it should. Fyi, we had awesome sex ?.
Now i have my own place in the closet with my panties and she let me wear them daily so… i do.
In short… please guys, talk to your wifes because this is one of the best things that ever happened in my marriage and we are closer to eachother then we ever were before!


Dear D,
I cannot recommend websites to you. Sorry, but the liability is not something I wish to shoulder. Just go to Google and type in something like “talking to your wife about your crossdressing” or some such. You will get many websites. If the website doesn’t feel right, it isn’t right. If it resonates with what you think is right, go for it. I wish you great success in your journey, and am always here to discuss this with you.

Best wishes,


You mentioned some good sites out there, after the talk. Do you have any recommendations you will share?


Hi Aubry,

Obviously, you are well down the road into your feminine self, and congratulations that you have a willing partner to share in this. That is truly a blessing. Apparently you have hit the limit with your sweetie with the garter belt, stockings, bra, and see-through panties. Please refer back to my original post, where I say that you need to not run ahead of her in your dressing, but take it slowly and let her set the pace. You have made some serious inroads in her accepting your inner femme, but don’t jeopardize that by running too far ahead of her in your enthusiasm. I well understand that you want more, in terms of expressing your inner feminine self, but your relationship is important too. Show her respect and kindness. Be patient, my dear sister.

Kindest regards,


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