Getting the Wife Onboard

Getting the Wife Onboard
You might be like a lot of other cross dressers that live a life of secrecy and only wear your favorite panties when your wife/partner is away or you are on a business trip. That secrecy can induce feelings of guilt and frustration. The cardinal rule to a good relationship is no secrets, yet here you are hiding an important part of who you are. To tell or not to tell? That is the question. Let’s suppose you’ve decided it’s time to out yourself to your wife/partner. How to go about it? First, a few things not to do:
  1. Don’t “accidentally” leave a picture on your phone or computer for her to discover.
  2. Don’t surprise her by being fully dressed in skirt and blouse.
  3. Don’t ambush her by taking her to a counselor where you reveal your feminine self.

Your attitude should be one of care and respect. This is going to affect her life as well as yours. The first things you may need to assure her of are that you do not want to switch sexual preferences and that you are still her husband/partner and intend to remain genetically male. These are the most common fears women have when becoming aware of their man’s feminine side. In other words, they are afraid of losing their man. Hopefully you know your wife well enough to have some sense of how she will react. Some women would rather leave the relationship than see her man in a pair of panties. If this is your sense of who she is, you might want to speak to a qualified therapist first. There are those women who will never accept your cross dressing, period. Other women approach it with interest and curiosity. Hopefully your lady is one of these.


Before having “The Talk” be sure you are clear with yourself on what cross dressing means to you. Why do you do it? She’s going to ask, so be prepared. Don’t be defensive – you are simply sharing a part of yourself that she didn’t know existed. Actually, she probably sort of did, but didn’t know where it was coming from – your sensitivity, caring, nurturing. All these things that can make a marriage/relationship so wonderful have been coming from your feminine self. The panties are just an outward expression of these gifts you bring to the relationship. If she wants more information on cross dressing, there are some very good sites on the internet tailored to the spouse of a cross dresser. As with all things, there are also some bad ones. There are also some sites that can be helpful to you in preparing for The Talk.


Importantly, once you have revealed your feminine self, go slow with what you wear. Start conservatively, as you want her to accept you, not be shocked by you. At least initially, avoid the more edgy lingerie. You need to give her time to accept this new you – at least new to her. Xdress has some conservative, but very attractive panties, such as the Satin High Waist Tricot Panty. Also, you might look at the Invisible Pleasure Brief and the Glistening Satin & Lace panty. The Glistening Satin & Lace Panty also has a matching camisole that is very attractive.


Lastly, be sure to show her what fun it can be being married to a cross dresser – the shopping, the chick flicks, the girlfriend nights doing each other’s nails. Help her understand that she isn’t losing her man – she’s gaining a girlfriend!

Angie, Guest Blogger

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My wife was ok with me cross dressing and told her prior to marriage I am 32 she is 28)married 10 years now and it progressed very well until I was dressing daily for several hours and all weekends from Friday night to Monday morning including full makeup, full lingerie including silicone breasts inserts, dresses and high heels. After I started my home business I began dressing basically full time and she seemed to be ok with it and since we have no kids it is easier. I have shoulder length very light brown hair or dark blonde hair and am 5ft.7in a women’s size 9 so I am not the most manly looking guy around which early in my life was a problem but was great for my cross dressing and to pass as a female. Because I have been dressing and passing as a female since my early teens and with her help I can go any where and am accepted as a female without question. I have gone into lingerie stores and tried on lingerie with the help of sales girls and they know nothing than I am a female. No excessive body hair, I keep shaved as any woman and have my eyebrows waxed and maintain long nails; basically for the last like 6 months I have lived fulltime as a female and have no plans to change that. Even my wife has said I seem happier and calmer living as a woman and only once in a while at night when making love she does ask me to not wear one of my silky nightgowns to bed until after we make love. She used be not like it during the day to kiss me when we are both wearing lipstick but she has even accepted that. We use the same deodorant and share makeup and almost live as girlfriends or sisters except we have sex. So I was so surprised when she completely freaked out when I came home with a garterbelt and a couple pair of stockings with matching bra and sheer see through panties with lace around the leg opening very feminine and sexy I loved them and thought she would. Now I always wear a dress or skirt and usually wear either pantyhose or usually thigh high stockings because I like the feel of my nylon slip sliding against my nylon panties (I do become aroused by crossdressing and always have and she knows it, I stay erect all day and wear fuller dresses so as to not show it) Unlike others I stay aroused even after satisfaction; the arousal from crossdressing never goes away. I thought when I went full time I would eventually get used to it and it would become normal and my arousal would subside; actually it get more and more intense as the day goes on and as I have orgasms. Seems like the more I have the more I want to have. Anyway I wear very silky sexy panties and bra, beautiful full slips or half slips; unbelievably feminine sheer 1960’s style nightgowns with matching robes and panties to bed. I sound look and act like a female 24/7 and have even worn a corset (with0ut garter straps and stockings) I have gone with y wife to a square dance wearing several real crinolines the silky sexy type girls wore in the 1950’s and had the most sexual feminine experience of my life and on occasion dress in that square dance dress with the petticoats just because it is so arousing and she knows it. But when I put on the garterbelt and attached the stockings and came out of the bedroom wearing the garterbelt matching very sheer panties and bra she looked at me and said “what is this a matching garter belt, bra and panties and stockings and you have an erection what the hell is the matter with you are you gay wearing a garterbelt with stocking that is so gay enough of this nonsense you will not wear a garterbelt”. What the heck was that I dress and look like a woman completely and wear the most sexy silky female lingerie bras sheer panties beautiful satin slips and have long nails and even had permanent eyelashes done and my eyebrows waxed and several of her coworkers think I am her sister and she thinks I am gay because I wear a garter belt and stockings. Any ideas on this it makes no sense that her “line” is a garterbelt or the see through panties I do not get it and she is staying mad at me and forbids me to wear them. Of course because of that it really turns me on to wear them.

Aubry (real name)

I told my wife four months after we met. She was only 20 and we were also four months from the altar (no pregnancy- just love!). She participated, and seemingly enthusiastically, for years until her asking me to “go put something on” simply faded away. She is alright with me dressing in private when she is not around- she simply doesn’t want to participate.

Why? All she has ever said is that it was a lot easier to take when she was still drinking (she has been in AA for 20 years and it saved her life- the trade-off is worth it).


Scott, thank you so much for your reply. You are doing exactly what I would suggest anyone discovering their emerging feminine side would do. As I said in my blog, take it slow. You have to let your wife catch up with you, and never run ahead of her, as this may be threatening to her. Like you, my wife and I have found the joy of the lingerie counter and visits together to the nail salon. In fact, we had pedicures yesterday. Oh, btw, my nail tech told me yesterday that you shouldn’t wear toenail polish during the winter, as it invites nail fungus. Only wear toenail polish in the warm months. Didn’t know that, did you? Neither did I. Anyway, I appreciate your thoughtful reply and encouragement of others who have discovered this wonderful side of themselves that allows us such freedom. My best wishes for you as you journey on in this exciting life still to be discovered.


I want to say that my wife try to get it but could not. So I had to cross dress in secret she found my hiding spot and dispose of my lingerie I just got back in bying again I will love for her to understand.

Angel Ortiz

Michelle, good on you! I’m so happy for you that it worked out the way it did. Have you had that first shopping trip yet? It is such fun to go shopping as girlfriends and pick out lingerie for each other. Don’t forget to take her to Xdress and Body Aware and go shopping electronically!


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