Greetings dear readers. Some time ago I posted a blog entitled, “Getting the Wife Onboard.” You can read it here. Today, I’d like to take that topic a bit further – coming out to other people. The same principles apply here as those I shared in “Getting the Wife Onboard,” but there is more to consider.
First, if you want to come out as a cross dresser to someone else, examine your motivation. That person probably has no need to have knowledge of your cross dressing. Could it be harmful to them or to your relationship with them? Is it worth the risk? So rule #1 is to always hold the best interest of your friend as paramount in your decision regarding coming out to them. Your coming out is not for their benefit – it is for yours. Be sure you understand your motivation and the possible consequences.
The second rule, if I may be so bold, is “know your territory.” You can get a feel for where the other person is coming from by casual conversation. The topic of cross dressing celebs comes up in conversation. This is an opportunity to get a feel for your friend’s feelings about the topic. Another, and usually safe, way to broach the topic is to mention kilts. Kilts have a long history with a very masculine connotation. Being Irish, it is easy for me to mention the clan tartan and my interest in shelling out the money for a kilt. I’ve never had a negative reaction to that, simply because the Irish heritage is one that commands respect. It is easy to graduate the topic to “I wonder what would happen if men started wearing skirts?”
Let me give you an example of knowing the territory before you come out. We had our house painted this past summer and the painter, a female, told me it would take at least one month. She presents in a very butch manner, even when not working. She has a decal on her truck that has a dark blue background with two horizontal gold bars in the middle. I know what it means, but played dumb and asked her what it means. She explained that it signifies alliance with the LGBTQ community. She’s a very open person and told me she is lesbian and gender fluid. Ah, the perfect opportunity. I told her that I, too, am gender fluid and, given that she would be at our house for at least a month, I would appreciate being able to dress as I desire if it wouldn’t offend her. She was fine with that, as I pretty well knew she would be. Her first day on the job, I greeted her in a skirt and blouse. She complemented me on my choice of color and style. Later in the day she told me my name (male name) just didn’t feel right and asked me if I had a femme name. From that day on, if I was wearing anything feminine, she addressed me as Angie. We now have a very warm relationship. Here is an example of knowing your territory before you reveal your whole self.
I’ve also come out to my esthetician (the person who waxes your body). I go in for a semi-annual waxing and love the results. How did I come out to her? She’s also a beautician. My wife went in for a facial and asked her how she would feel about doing a waxing for a cross dresser. She was fine with it. Problem solved. Every time I go in, I’m wearing panties and my toenails are polished with frost pink (my absolute favorite). I’ve come to know her as a dear sweet person.
The third rule is don’t believe everything you read on the internet. There is some really bad advice out there on how to come out. Let me give you an example of what not to do. A number of years ago I was having coffee with a female friend. She told me about something that had happened the week before. She had a number of friends that liked to go out to eat together and generally just hang out. One of those friends was a large, biker sort of guy. He invited her out for coffee one evening and picked her up. After coffee, when he took her home and parked the car, he told her he wanted to tell her something. He said it would be easier to show her. With that, he pulled down his pants and was wearing a frilly pair of panties. She told me she wanted to laugh, but didn’t want to hurt his feelings. That is NOT the way to come out. From time to time, some celeb comes out and I’m pretty sure they are playing to the shock value. That type of behavior isn’t earning us any points with the general public, and paints us all with a broad paintbrush and makes us all look like a bunch of fruit loops; an image that persists today because of such behavior.
Do you have any experiences, good or bad you would like to share? I think we can all learn from each other. We all want to be accepted for our whole selves, and I do believe that is an attainable goal with select people if we use a bit of common sense. So get that keyboard going – I’d love to hear your stories!
Fond regards,
Angie
27 comments
Quite the coincidence this blog was posted. I recently came out to my girlfriend of 4 years in September. She has been supportive and encouraging after some reassurance that I don’t want to be a woman and am not gay, the standard questions as Angie was saying. I now wear panties and hosiery daily underneath my work clothes with my nails painted. Most days I wear a bra as well. At home I usually am in a skirt and either a blouse or a standard T-shirt depending on the mood. I also have a satin & lace robe that I sleep in.
Things are much different than they were 6 months ago. The time where I was kidding myself into thinking this side of me was repressible. The urge to dress was too strong and at that point I came out. I shouldn’t have waited so long to tell my girlfriend, but the fear of her not approving and leaving me was what kept me from doing so.
Fast forward to today, and my girlfriend not only supports me in what I choose to wear, but encourages me to wear what I want in public. This side of me is not something I have openly displayed ever, so having her to reassure and support me emotionally is more than I could ever ask for.
As for telling anyone else, there would not really be any benefit on either sides in doing so. I am not very close to any of my current friends, and that information certainly isn’t something that they need to know. My mom and sister are the only family that live in the same state as I, and the former already knows of my dressing. I don’t feel need to be fully dressed around my family at this point (I only really see them on holidays, anyway) and am perfectly satisfied wearing lingerie under my clothes when around them.
While I don’t have any experience telling anyone outside of my girlfriend, I wouldn’t mind someone in a professional environment knowing as most of you told of. I would not be so naïve as to think that someone specifically in the medical practice had never seen a man in panties before. And even if I was the first, I am not ashamed of who I am.
Expanding on my previous comments:
I long for the day when I as a man can wear some skinny jeans sillettos a white shirt with panties and a bra my manicured fingers and toes light makeup (eyeliner, lip gloss and concealer) as a man like women wear jeans and a flannel shirt… I dont think people go around saying what kind of undies do you have on so inthat aspect we dont have to say to others. Now if you crossdress to full transformation it may at some point become necessary for you to come out but otherwise for the Panties and bras no need to tell unless its a SO
Then as early as reasonably possible otherwise as mine said : you didn’t give me the chance to say yes or no now i have a very difficult choice ; “I accept this about u or leave”
Stevie
Thanks for your responses, Steve and Stevie. Stevie, you are absolutely right, that coming out to others should be on a need-to-know basis. That was one of the main points I was trying to make and I’m glad you got it. Steve, you mentioned wearing panties to your chiropractor. I hadn’t thought of that when I wrote the blog, but I too came out quite unintentionally to my chiropractor. I wear women’s jeans, and they are low slung. I know good and well that my panties were exposed over the top of my jeans. He didn’t say a word about them. Cross dress or not, the money is still green, so all is good between my chiropractor and me. Thank you both for your thoughtful responses.
Fondly,
Angie
Hi Angie
Once again great topic glad so many responded
I came out to my wife she accepted after lots of questions about being gay
I told a GF once. We started out our relationship with a trial of lets see if we can be totally honest ? Well we were about so many things that as the relationship grew i trusted her and she me . So thru a convert about liking tonpsint my toes i told her about my xdress stash showed her some pictures of them in the drawer and she accepted. We brought matching panties allthe time.
But I think I dont discuss my male undies with friends so why panties
Its just my preference so they dont talk about theirs and i donr either
Its on a need to know basis
Love the responses great blog
Stevie
Thanks for the blog article. My wife knows I wear nothing other than panties, and is fine with my predilection. My elder brother and I share an underwear fetish. Both he and his wife know I wear panties. He does too, but his fetish manifests itself more in very small bathing suits. While not ‘coming out’ per se, I disclose — or rather don’t hide — my preference for panties by wearing them during my annual, full body dermatology exam, or to other medical and chiropractic treatments. My chiropractor could not have missed my pretty, blue striped panties during yesterday’s adjustment. No one has ever commented or asked a question about my choice of underwear.
My masseuse, who is gay, knows of my fetish for panties, and compliments me on my selection as I undress for a massage session; sometimes leaving my panties on for the massage. I even wore my panties during a couples massage he gave to my wife and I! I came out to a former girlfriend who knew of my affinity for fashion men’s underwear, and more feminine men’s styles when we were dating. We have remained in touch, and while I don’t remember the details of how I opened the topic for discussion, my preference for panties came as no surprise to her. I’ve since shared photos of me, and me with my wife in matching panties, and she has been complimentary too.
One of my most open displays of wearing panties is at a hot springs pool near our home. The pool is clothing optional every day but one designated family day. Rather than go nude as most do, I wear panties rather than a bathing suit. They aren’t the most feminine-looking in my wardrobe mind you, but I am sure it is obvious to some that I am not wearing men’s underwear — or at least something pretty unconventional.
I don’t cross dress into other attire which is obviously feminine, but in addition to panties underneath by ‘gender appropriate’ attire, I do wear women’s leggings and shorts to work out in in public, and have recently started wearing camisoles rather than t-shirts; and with an extra button left open, allow the top edge to be visible across my chest. I just purchased a cami with lace trim across the top edge, and am eager to find the attire to match it with that may offer just a little peek of the pretty edge detail.
I’ve also met a couple other married men online who wear panties, and have gotten together with both of them for drinks; enjoying the opportunity to openly talk about our mutual fascination with panties. Other than with these guys, who I remain friends with, my personal choice in underwear is not something I have ever discussed with another friend. Online forums like this provide some ‘relief’, and an opportunity to share what is, unfortunately, a mostly private choice.