Greetings dear readers. Some time ago I posted a blog entitled, “Getting the Wife Onboard.” You can read it here. Today, I’d like to take that topic a bit further – coming out to other people. The same principles apply here as those I shared in “Getting the Wife Onboard,” but there is more to consider.
First, if you want to come out as a cross dresser to someone else, examine your motivation. That person probably has no need to have knowledge of your cross dressing. Could it be harmful to them or to your relationship with them? Is it worth the risk? So rule #1 is to always hold the best interest of your friend as paramount in your decision regarding coming out to them. Your coming out is not for their benefit – it is for yours. Be sure you understand your motivation and the possible consequences.
The second rule, if I may be so bold, is “know your territory.” You can get a feel for where the other person is coming from by casual conversation. The topic of cross dressing celebs comes up in conversation. This is an opportunity to get a feel for your friend’s feelings about the topic. Another, and usually safe, way to broach the topic is to mention kilts. Kilts have a long history with a very masculine connotation. Being Irish, it is easy for me to mention the clan tartan and my interest in shelling out the money for a kilt. I’ve never had a negative reaction to that, simply because the Irish heritage is one that commands respect. It is easy to graduate the topic to “I wonder what would happen if men started wearing skirts?”
Let me give you an example of knowing the territory before you come out. We had our house painted this past summer and the painter, a female, told me it would take at least one month. She presents in a very butch manner, even when not working. She has a decal on her truck that has a dark blue background with two horizontal gold bars in the middle. I know what it means, but played dumb and asked her what it means. She explained that it signifies alliance with the LGBTQ community. She’s a very open person and told me she is lesbian and gender fluid. Ah, the perfect opportunity. I told her that I, too, am gender fluid and, given that she would be at our house for at least a month, I would appreciate being able to dress as I desire if it wouldn’t offend her. She was fine with that, as I pretty well knew she would be. Her first day on the job, I greeted her in a skirt and blouse. She complemented me on my choice of color and style. Later in the day she told me my name (male name) just didn’t feel right and asked me if I had a femme name. From that day on, if I was wearing anything feminine, she addressed me as Angie. We now have a very warm relationship. Here is an example of knowing your territory before you reveal your whole self.
I’ve also come out to my esthetician (the person who waxes your body). I go in for a semi-annual waxing and love the results. How did I come out to her? She’s also a beautician. My wife went in for a facial and asked her how she would feel about doing a waxing for a cross dresser. She was fine with it. Problem solved. Every time I go in, I’m wearing panties and my toenails are polished with frost pink (my absolute favorite). I’ve come to know her as a dear sweet person.
The third rule is don’t believe everything you read on the internet. There is some really bad advice out there on how to come out. Let me give you an example of what not to do. A number of years ago I was having coffee with a female friend. She told me about something that had happened the week before. She had a number of friends that liked to go out to eat together and generally just hang out. One of those friends was a large, biker sort of guy. He invited her out for coffee one evening and picked her up. After coffee, when he took her home and parked the car, he told her he wanted to tell her something. He said it would be easier to show her. With that, he pulled down his pants and was wearing a frilly pair of panties. She told me she wanted to laugh, but didn’t want to hurt his feelings. That is NOT the way to come out. From time to time, some celeb comes out and I’m pretty sure they are playing to the shock value. That type of behavior isn’t earning us any points with the general public, and paints us all with a broad paintbrush and makes us all look like a bunch of fruit loops; an image that persists today because of such behavior.
Do you have any experiences, good or bad you would like to share? I think we can all learn from each other. We all want to be accepted for our whole selves, and I do believe that is an attainable goal with select people if we use a bit of common sense. So get that keyboard going – I’d love to hear your stories!
Fond regards,
Angie
27 comments
My SO knows of my panty/bra/feminine side and embraces it. Often buying matching sets of panties at least from local brick and mortar shops. As for others, it is a mixed bag. My waxologist knows because I want my man hairs trimmed nicely to look good in my XDress panties. My dermatologist knows too and likes the panties I wear and comments annually on them. The ladies at the gentleman’s club I used to frequent (Pre-COVID) also loved the XDress panties I wore. My family does not know, nor should they in my opinion. Co-workers also don’t need to know. Doctors and other medical professionals, no problem as HIPPA keeps them from sharing that information…..The way you inform them varies by relationship. Professionals just see it in their closed offices.I was dating my SO for a few months before wearing them one night and she discovered them when we undressed. She was a bit taken back at first but we were developing our relationship and she overcame or accepted it quickly which, I think, showed her developing love for me.
My Mom wanted a girl, so as it turned out, (I also have a micro-penis) I became her girl!!! I embraced it as a child and could even pass until I was in my mid 30’s!!! My Ex-Wife had told my Dr about me, and he has seen me many times in pink lace panties and such, but the most fun was my skin Dr, she got a big kick out of it and invited most of the nurses that work there to see my panties as well as my tiny penis!! Once all her private rooms were full so she took me to a chair in a big open office filled with Women at ten desks. She needed to look over my whole body for this trip, so i stripped naked from my painted toenails to my hot pink lace panties. She knew about me before this visit and knew i would Love the exposure….she was SO right!!! If it was possible for me to get hard, ii would have been the entire time!! During this visit no less than 7 nurses came by to consult and visit me!!! i was just Loving it!!! i have only been out dressed 4 times, (as i have facial hair & it is so obvious that i am a male) and i made sure i was seen by as many folks as possible, but i agree that exposing my secret to my friends would probably be counter-productive!!! my Ex made sure almost ALL her girlfriends knew about me, and many had even seen me cleaning house in my French maid’s outfit, or came early and saw me in one of my pink nighties and pink fuzzy socks!!! They would often have a “girl’s party or poker” or “girl’s night out”, and have me prepare food for them and serve them drinks and snacks while dressed!!! i enjoy “accidentally” bending over and showing my pink thong or other obviously female panties to women and men when out in public to folks i don’t know!!! i have met several CD’s and we still get together once or twice a year to model new “sissy” clothes for each other and i often take pictures for them!!! i bought a lovely black lace hose and top combo from y’all over a decade ago, and i still get so many compliments when i wear it!!! Thanks for all you do for us!!! Love, Glen (sissy-glenda)
I’ve always been absolutely paranoid about coming out to anybody. It’s scary enough that I’ll always error on the side of discretion before I’m absolutely sure that I’m not over exposing or ever stepping the boundaries of a friendship that I think I might have with someone.
Hello Angie
I am new here on Xdress and on the blog and I have read it with all the attention and interest.
I absolutely agree with you, it is not easy in such a stereotyped society to assume our femininity. From an early age I realized my feminine side and never ran away from it. I always tried to be a girl with some description and, over the years, a woman. I always used briefs at the beginning with great care because I lived in my parents’ house, when I started living alone I started to be free to give rise to my wife. I cannot say that I have had any bad experience, nor have I ever been exposed to what was reasonable. I had two boyfriends, but I would like to talk about my current experience. It never crossed my mind to have a relationship with a person older than me 19 years old. I met him at a book signing session was empathy at first sight. After several conversations, some dinners for two he confided to me from an early age that he was interested in men but that he never had the courage to assume it because of family, friends and profession. Now that he was alone, he would like to try his side. I saw so much sincerity in him that I took on my feminine side and explained to him that I felt like a woman from an early age and as such I wore panties on a daily basis and had no relationship at the moment. That day we went to his house and he asked me to see him in shorts, he loved it. From that day we have an excellent relationship, we cannot assume because his children would not accept it. But we are happy whenever we can we are together and I am your wife in every way and I have all your support and affection. I love it like never before !!!!
Dear Angie
We r not alone
And i agree we love being en femme
The Q is Why?
Oh it doesn’t matter it feels so good
Stevie