Getting the Wife Onboard

Getting the Wife Onboard
You might be like a lot of other cross dressers that live a life of secrecy and only wear your favorite panties when your wife/partner is away or you are on a business trip. That secrecy can induce feelings of guilt and frustration. The cardinal rule to a good relationship is no secrets, yet here you are hiding an important part of who you are. To tell or not to tell? That is the question. Let’s suppose you’ve decided it’s time to out yourself to your wife/partner. How to go about it? First, a few things not to do:
  1. Don’t “accidentally” leave a picture on your phone or computer for her to discover.
  2. Don’t surprise her by being fully dressed in skirt and blouse.
  3. Don’t ambush her by taking her to a counselor where you reveal your feminine self.

Your attitude should be one of care and respect. This is going to affect her life as well as yours. The first things you may need to assure her of are that you do not want to switch sexual preferences and that you are still her husband/partner and intend to remain genetically male. These are the most common fears women have when becoming aware of their man’s feminine side. In other words, they are afraid of losing their man. Hopefully you know your wife well enough to have some sense of how she will react. Some women would rather leave the relationship than see her man in a pair of panties. If this is your sense of who she is, you might want to speak to a qualified therapist first. There are those women who will never accept your cross dressing, period. Other women approach it with interest and curiosity. Hopefully your lady is one of these.


Before having “The Talk” be sure you are clear with yourself on what cross dressing means to you. Why do you do it? She’s going to ask, so be prepared. Don’t be defensive – you are simply sharing a part of yourself that she didn’t know existed. Actually, she probably sort of did, but didn’t know where it was coming from – your sensitivity, caring, nurturing. All these things that can make a marriage/relationship so wonderful have been coming from your feminine self. The panties are just an outward expression of these gifts you bring to the relationship. If she wants more information on cross dressing, there are some very good sites on the internet tailored to the spouse of a cross dresser. As with all things, there are also some bad ones. There are also some sites that can be helpful to you in preparing for The Talk.


Importantly, once you have revealed your feminine self, go slow with what you wear. Start conservatively, as you want her to accept you, not be shocked by you. At least initially, avoid the more edgy lingerie. You need to give her time to accept this new you – at least new to her. Xdress has some conservative, but very attractive panties, such as the Satin High Waist Tricot Panty. Also, you might look at the Invisible Pleasure Brief and the Glistening Satin & Lace panty. The Glistening Satin & Lace Panty also has a matching camisole that is very attractive.


Lastly, be sure to show her what fun it can be being married to a cross dresser – the shopping, the chick flicks, the girlfriend nights doing each other’s nails. Help her understand that she isn’t losing her man – she’s gaining a girlfriend!

Angie, Guest Blogger

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I love to wear all womens clothing and i can even walk in highheels for an extended amount of time and i just need to figure out what to use for a breast form


I wish I was doing better. We’ve been together 16 years but married 6. In the beginning I learned he was bi. I few years in he started getting interested in crossdressing. I was ok as each thing came in to play I adjusted. Then it became a constant need and I got left behind. Over time I grew bitter learning he was posting himself online and talking to men and lying to me. I failed to mention as our relationship grew I made I feelings known that I wouldn’t be ok with him being with anyone else. I want to only have a one on one relationship. Time passed us going back and forth him saying he was ok with it but lying the whole time. We have always had an adventurous bedroom life, not to say to much. He’s purged many times. Starting over many times. This last time ( were in now ) he’s been honest about starting up again but I find it hard and hurtful this time as I fear he will go back down the other road. I want to trust and enjoy him and I want both sides of him.

it’s so wonderful to see that there are other people out there just like myself that let us be us and they accept us for the way we are it is so wonderful and I thank you dearly from the bottom of my heart and all the other people out there going and doing the same things we are thank you.
Vanessa Czech

It is all so crazy. My wife was introduced to me as a female and then the next 12 times we met I was presented as a female. It was on the 13th meeting when I felt I could have feelings for her other than a friend that I told her I was actually a male to female cross dresser. She at first did not believe me but finally we went into the ladies room and I raised my skirt just enough after I warned her I was wearing very sheer panties and she was surprised.

We went out several times and she came to my house before she ever saw me not dress in female clothing which is rare since I pretty much live and dress as a woman like maybe 80% of the time. My eye brows are arched and both toe and finger nails shaped as a females I spend 4 years on facial electrolysis to remove my light beard. I am lucky that I am a natural blonde with fine hair never much of a beard or any chest hair and I am only 5’6" tall and slight built so wanting to present as a female is much easier for me.

I began a light regiment of SRS about 5 years ago just enough to help me present more female but not enough to get rid of my sexual arousal. So basically I look like a feminine male not a masculine female. I present better female than male is the bottom line and which is my goal. Any way she knew all this and on rare occasion I would go into my box at the bottom of the closet and pull out a pair of jeans and shirt and with a baseball cap and glasses I pretty much looked gay but passable as a sort of male. enough for her to be happy me meeting her parents and family. She had to bring them in to my life style very slowly. Now from day one she knew my long range goal was to live as a woman 100% and as time went on I became more and more into being a female in my dress and actions and looks. But she did not want me to wear a wedding dress on our wedding day which to me was like crazy. I feel I am sort of a woman and was going to wear a very full traditional wedding gown on my wedding day.


Wayne, you are very fortunate to have the lady you have. It is so freeing to have a significant other that supports you in exploring your feminine self. Having a wife like yours, I consider myself a very lucky gurl. Steff: I love your idea of a National Men’s Salon Day. Now, how do we get that started?

Fond regards,


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