The Courage to Be Yourself

The Courage to Be Yourself

Hello, honorable readers. Today I would like to discuss the more personal aspects of dressing in a feminine style, and specifically the courage involved in doing so. Before we begin, I would like to thank David for allowing me to be a guest writer for this blog.

I, like many others here, began my cross-dressing journey at a young age of approximately 8 or 9 years old. I would take any opportunity I could to dress up in my sister's clothes, starting with panties and eventually progressing into shoes and outerwear. This occurred for the next 10 years, as I remained incognito for fear of judgment from my family.

At age 16, I began a relationship with the woman of my dreams. At this time I repressed my cross-dressing and naively thought it was something I could live without, in order to maintain a "normal" relationship with her. However, my desires often prevailed when I was alone. I would feel so euphoric fully dressed up in my girlfriend's clothes, then massive guilt afterward.

Due to my undying love for this woman, I could no longer keep this part of myself hidden. Prior to revealing my secret, I researched others' experiences online and tried to learn from them. I am vastly grateful for the internet in this regard, as I know that those who are older than me did not have such a privilege when they were my age.  

The fear absolutely consumed me when I first told her, as I was sure this was the end of our relationship. It was literally the hardest thing I had ever told anyone since it was the first time I had ever revealed this secret to anyone. Her initial reaction was like many others I have read online. She asked the two standard questions: If I was gay, and if I wanted to be a woman. After quite a long conversation, she initially decided she was accepting but did not want to see it.

This soon changed, however, and I was able to fully dress up around her when I pleased. None of this is to say it suddenly became easier, though. There were many difficult discussions that followed, specifically as my feminine desires blossomed. At first, it was just about the clothes, but as you all know, that progressed into makeup, accessories, nail polish, etc. However, she has remained by my side throughout, offering guidance, support, and assistance with styling.

So here we are today, approximately one year since I first revealed this side of myself, and 8 months since I started cross-dressing daily. During this time, I have adopted a rather unique style choice: Goth. I wear almost exclusively black, and this color dominates all aspects of my wardrobe. My favorite Goth outfit is typically a skater skirt in either leather, velvet, or PVC, with a lace or mesh sleeved blouse, pantyhose, 4" heeled boots, and a chained belt, all in black of course. I have been wanting to add a satin corset to my outfits as well, as they are essential to the Goth wardrobe and the feminine shape they add is gorgeous with any outfit.

Black satin lingerie was also my first purchase from XD/BA, as black satin is so astonishingly alluring. I chose the style as it is befitting of my personality since I am a pure introvert and typically spend most of my time alone with my GF. I also simply love black, which is another one of the main reasons for my choice. Black just looks so good on leather, lace, and mesh materials too!

To me, being a Goth is about being fearless. The color black itself is one of the boldest, and to be a daily cross-dresser requires the same qualities. To present oneself femininely every day, everywhere you go, brings a lot of new challenges that take courage to overcome. We live in a world of absolutes, where we are stigmatized by those who are closed minded if we do not conform to the societal norm.

Such is the cause of the occasional disapproving glances I receive, groups of individuals lowering their voices when I walk by, and so on. These situations can be very discouraging, as they make me feel very self-conscious. However, I have also received countless compliments on my clothes and style, which can immediately erase any previous negativity I may have encountered.

The most validating experiences however are being able to share experiences with those such as yourselves. I may be an introvert, but being able to share this side of myself with others, and discuss both the positive and negative aspects of this journey is absolutely liberating. The existence of websites such as XD/BA grant this liberation, as we now have outlets for not only feminine attire made for the male physique, but also discussion with those who share our clothing preferences.

This is one of the main reasons I continue to have the courage it takes to be myself, and it's thanks to you all here at XD/BA who run the site, as well as the customers who share their experiences.

So in the name of liberation, I'd love to hear all your personal experiences. What was the hardest part about coming out as a cross-dresser? How has your life improved since then? What is your clothing style? How often do you incorporate feminine attire in your daily life?

Kind regards,


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I love wearing make up such as cover girl eyebrow pencil and moisturizer for my face. I dont wear eye shadow . I enjoy wearing toenail polish only wear xdress panties and xdress nighties I really love being as feminine as possible. I weigh aPPROX 140LBS and I will not gain weight.


Keri: You seem to be quite far along in your journey, and your confidence in yourself and style are very inspiring. I am sure having an understanding and supportive wife is extremely helpful in that regard, and I am very happy that you have found a woman that supports you as well. You and I seem to share a lot of similarities, as I am also naturally slender and wear a woman’s size 9 shoe. My size makes wearing feminine attire feel even more natural.

I certainly agree with your statement of; the longer you do the more something the more comfortable you become. I feel far less inhibited in my desires now opposed to a year ago. This individual you described at the Fashion Center does sound quite similar to me, except I have black hair. I often wonder if there are other men like us, who see me and are inspired to present themselves the way they want.

Anyway, I am glad you enjoyed my story and I have truly enjoyed this discussion with you as well!


Hi Nathan,

I love your story and am so happy that you feel more open about your feminine side. The internet has made things so much more open. Those of us that feel the way we do have found that we are not the only ones. Continue to explore your feeling and desires. You might find as I have that we change over time and may and should discover that you are less inhibited in being you.

I am not sure how to describe my style of expressing my feminine self. I do know it has changed some over time. The core of my feminine side has remained much the same but has become stronger and more comfortable. It has helped to have an understanding wife. It has also helped that society has been more accepting of the various names and phrases society chooses to describe us. My wife has seen this and has realized that so many guys feel the way we do. Web sites to include XDress and BA she knows exist and she realizes there are so many feminine guys. My style has been, I guess, to wear as much as I can that is so called female attire but not give me away. Having said that I have found what I felt was not acceptable ten years or more ago is not okay with me. Tops may be that best example. T Tops, jerseys etc. I began with black & navy and then branched out to pastels. Initially I had to get past the short sleeve women’s jerseys I wear had shorter sleeves than mens tops. My tan line had to move up. It did and I eventually stopped worrying about them. Fortunately I am not a large male. Panties and even women’s sneakers are a no brainer. I wear a woman’s nine shoe. The only thing that was different initially was that I loved the pink and pastel colors in my sneakers. Today mens sneakers are pink and every other rainbow color. I’ve always worn women’s shorts and living in Arizona I wear them most days. Those are easy. I got used to some of my women’s shorts having front pockets, no back pockets, cute belts (covered by my tops) and either no fly opening or opposite side openings which are less common in women’s shorts, slacks etc. Make up may have been my slowest progression. Although it started years ago with mens Clinique. I eventually switched to less expensive women’s makeup and today use CoverGirl minimally and hopefully not noticeably. The only problem is that the longer you do these things the more comfortable you become. I know for example that I use more in amount today than I did early on. It just feels natural. So, what style am I?

I would like to also say that you see out and about more men expressing their feminine side. I think it is wonderful. I go to the Scottsdale Fashion Center a lot. I see at least two men dressing in what I would consider very feminine attire. They are gorgeous really. Go for it. Thinking of you Nathan there is a male that is very Goth if that is the right word. He catches my eye every time I go by a certain makeup store in the mall. Tall, blonde, all black attire, makeup, hair in a feminine style, footwear and more. Definitely an eye catcher. I have never had the nerve to tell him that I love his style even though I am not a big Goth fan.

Thanks again Nathan for you story and to XDress and Angie.

Hugs, Gurls and Guys


Hey there everyone, thank you for your moving responses!

Justin: I am so glad that I could contribute to you feeling accepted, that is all any of us deserve. Stay strong and be courageous!

G: That fear of rejection is brutal, but once you overcome that, anything seems possible. I am glad that you too have a significant other who is supportive of you. It is such a freeing feeling!

Charles: Freedom in self expression is absolutely vital! Continue exploring this side of yourself, and don’t let anyone stop you!

Angie: Thank you! I certainly am grateful for such a supportive girlfriend, and I hope all of us here can find that special someone.

Stevie: Being our most authentic self is so amazing! I too share your pity for those who felt forced to transition, because they didn’t feel comfortable embracing their femininity as a man. Sites like XD/BA are proof that there are many men who are comfortable being men but love embracing femininity, and how wonderful that is!

Ally: Thank you so much! I also don’t consider myself a cross-dresser, rather just a man who expresses himself with a feminine style. Women are no longer considered cross-dressers, and neither should we! It’s great you have found your groove in your style too!


Hi Nathan
How wonderful to read your story. I’m so pleased for you and it must feel so good for you to be able to be yourself and supported by your girlfriend.
I can totally empathize with your story of early years dressing in your sister’s clothes and the secrecy surrounding that. It stayed in the background much longer for me and it is only in recent years that I have been able to dress in the more feminine way that I like. I don’t think of myself as a crossdresser or trans anything. I just enjoy dressing in more feminine styles that you see women more commonly wearing. I don’t have the body shape to be able to carry off skater skirts and fishnet tops. I enjoy a variety of things including trousers and tops. My skirts are normally down to the knee or below and my heels, two inch max.
It’s lovely to read your story Nathan and so good to know you feel supported by the community here. I wish you and your girlfriend every happiness.
With love x


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