The Courage to Be Yourself

The Courage to Be Yourself

Hello, honorable readers. Today I would like to discuss the more personal aspects of dressing in a feminine style, and specifically the courage involved in doing so. Before we begin, I would like to thank David for allowing me to be a guest writer for this blog.

I, like many others here, began my cross-dressing journey at a young age of approximately 8 or 9 years old. I would take any opportunity I could to dress up in my sister's clothes, starting with panties and eventually progressing into shoes and outerwear. This occurred for the next 10 years, as I remained incognito for fear of judgment from my family.

At age 16, I began a relationship with the woman of my dreams. At this time I repressed my cross-dressing and naively thought it was something I could live without, in order to maintain a "normal" relationship with her. However, my desires often prevailed when I was alone. I would feel so euphoric fully dressed up in my girlfriend's clothes, then massive guilt afterward.

Due to my undying love for this woman, I could no longer keep this part of myself hidden. Prior to revealing my secret, I researched others' experiences online and tried to learn from them. I am vastly grateful for the internet in this regard, as I know that those who are older than me did not have such a privilege when they were my age.  

The fear absolutely consumed me when I first told her, as I was sure this was the end of our relationship. It was literally the hardest thing I had ever told anyone since it was the first time I had ever revealed this secret to anyone. Her initial reaction was like many others I have read online. She asked the two standard questions: If I was gay, and if I wanted to be a woman. After quite a long conversation, she initially decided she was accepting but did not want to see it.

This soon changed, however, and I was able to fully dress up around her when I pleased. None of this is to say it suddenly became easier, though. There were many difficult discussions that followed, specifically as my feminine desires blossomed. At first, it was just about the clothes, but as you all know, that progressed into makeup, accessories, nail polish, etc. However, she has remained by my side throughout, offering guidance, support, and assistance with styling.

So here we are today, approximately one year since I first revealed this side of myself, and 8 months since I started cross-dressing daily. During this time, I have adopted a rather unique style choice: Goth. I wear almost exclusively black, and this color dominates all aspects of my wardrobe. My favorite Goth outfit is typically a skater skirt in either leather, velvet, or PVC, with a lace or mesh sleeved blouse, pantyhose, 4" heeled boots, and a chained belt, all in black of course. I have been wanting to add a satin corset to my outfits as well, as they are essential to the Goth wardrobe and the feminine shape they add is gorgeous with any outfit.

Black satin lingerie was also my first purchase from XD/BA, as black satin is so astonishingly alluring. I chose the style as it is befitting of my personality since I am a pure introvert and typically spend most of my time alone with my GF. I also simply love black, which is another one of the main reasons for my choice. Black just looks so good on leather, lace, and mesh materials too!

To me, being a Goth is about being fearless. The color black itself is one of the boldest, and to be a daily cross-dresser requires the same qualities. To present oneself femininely every day, everywhere you go, brings a lot of new challenges that take courage to overcome. We live in a world of absolutes, where we are stigmatized by those who are closed minded if we do not conform to the societal norm.

Such is the cause of the occasional disapproving glances I receive, groups of individuals lowering their voices when I walk by, and so on. These situations can be very discouraging, as they make me feel very self-conscious. However, I have also received countless compliments on my clothes and style, which can immediately erase any previous negativity I may have encountered.

The most validating experiences however are being able to share experiences with those such as yourselves. I may be an introvert, but being able to share this side of myself with others, and discuss both the positive and negative aspects of this journey is absolutely liberating. The existence of websites such as XD/BA grant this liberation, as we now have outlets for not only feminine attire made for the male physique, but also discussion with those who share our clothing preferences.

This is one of the main reasons I continue to have the courage it takes to be myself, and it's thanks to you all here at XD/BA who run the site, as well as the customers who share their experiences.

So in the name of liberation, I'd love to hear all your personal experiences. What was the hardest part about coming out as a cross-dresser? How has your life improved since then? What is your clothing style? How often do you incorporate feminine attire in your daily life?

Kind regards,


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Great topic! AGAIN!
Hardest thing about coming out (well I m out to only a few). The hardest thing is fear of reaction by your loved ones friends and coworkers as well as fear of rejection for your true self

Life has improved in that i can be authentic with the person that knows and acceptance is liberating and feels so freeing.

My style: girl next doorish: skinny jeans pretty toes, high heels nice lingerie and light make up.

I wear something feminine everyday at least panties and nail polish.

I d like to say that some of us are guys that dont want to be women but we like to indulge femininity! I feel so bad that some of us have tried to transition because society said as a man you cant have any feminine traits or wear any feminine things. So we transitioned only to find that we regret our transition

So thankful for this site to allow all expressions of femininity by men no matter how little or how much
YES we can be men and express and indulge in femininity without pressure to be a woman to do so.

Thank you for this site



Hi Nathan, and welcome to the blogger family! I’m not at all surprised that XD/BA invited you to post a blog – your comments are always well developed. Good on you that your gf supports the feminine side of who you are.


I enjoy the freedom that the internet has brought us into. So that I myself may explore, experience and express as I choose. Thank you for being you and sharing some photos and you life. I love that your girlfriend can deal with it that you are who you and share her many many makeup skills with you. Thanks for posting



Great post! Thank you for sharing your story, I know that I find it supportive to know that others are going through the same types of situations and conversations. I’d say the toughest thing about coming out to my wife about wearing panties and bras is the fear of rejection and loss. I was so afraid that she would decide to move on or leave me. Things have drastically improved since we talked everything out and she is accepting of what I choose to wear. Recently she even taught me the best way to remove a sports bra.. lol. I mostly stick to under clothes wear, as that was always what I wore when I was younger. Life has slowly gotten better with that conversation, the stream of positive thoughts I try to maintain, and the support on here, I’ve gotten so much better. I try to wear at least a bra, limited to sports bras for now, or panties each day when I am not at work.

Thank you again,


Nathan I was so touched by your blog and have found a lot of strength within myself and I have had similar experiences similar to yours and now find myself a lot stronger thank you to yourself and Xdress for being there.


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