The Courage to Be Yourself
I, like many others here, began my cross-dressing journey at a young age of approximately 8 or 9 years old. I would take any opportunity I could to dress up in my sister's clothes, starting with panties and eventually progressing into shoes and outerwear. This occurred for the next 10 years, as I remained incognito for fear of judgment from my family.
At age 16, I began a relationship with the woman of my dreams. At this time I repressed my cross-dressing and naively thought it was something I could live without, in order to maintain a "normal" relationship with her. However, my desires often prevailed when I was alone. I would feel so euphoric fully dressed up in my girlfriend's clothes, then massive guilt afterward.
Due to my undying love for this woman, I could no longer keep this part of myself hidden. Prior to revealing my secret, I researched others' experiences online and tried to learn from them. I am vastly grateful for the internet in this regard, as I know that those who are older than me did not have such a privilege when they were my age.
The fear absolutely consumed me when I first told her, as I was sure this was the end of our relationship. It was literally the hardest thing I had ever told anyone since it was the first time I had ever revealed this secret to anyone. Her initial reaction was like many others I have read online. She asked the two standard questions: If I was gay, and if I wanted to be a woman. After quite a long conversation, she initially decided she was accepting but did not want to see it.
This soon changed, however, and I was able to fully dress up around her when I pleased. None of this is to say it suddenly became easier, though. There were many difficult discussions that followed, specifically as my feminine desires blossomed. At first, it was just about the clothes, but as you all know, that progressed into makeup, accessories, nail polish, etc. However, she has remained by my side throughout, offering guidance, support, and assistance with styling.
So here we are today, approximately one year since I first revealed this side of myself, and 8 months since I started cross-dressing daily. During this time, I have adopted a rather unique style choice: Goth. I wear almost exclusively black, and this color dominates all aspects of my wardrobe. My favorite Goth outfit is typically a skater skirt in either leather, velvet, or PVC, with a lace or mesh sleeved blouse, pantyhose, 4" heeled boots, and a chained belt, all in black of course. I have been wanting to add a satin corset to my outfits as well, as they are essential to the Goth wardrobe and the feminine shape they add is gorgeous with any outfit.
Such is the cause of the occasional disapproving glances I receive, groups of individuals lowering their voices when I walk by, and so on. These situations can be very discouraging, as they make me feel very self-conscious. However, I have also received countless compliments on my clothes and style, which can immediately erase any previous negativity I may have encountered.
The most validating experiences however are being able to share experiences with those such as yourselves. I may be an introvert, but being able to share this side of myself with others, and discuss both the positive and negative aspects of this journey is absolutely liberating. The existence of websites such as XD/BA grant this liberation, as we now have outlets for not only feminine attire made for the male physique, but also discussion with those who share our clothing preferences.
This is one of the main reasons I continue to have the courage it takes to be myself, and it's thanks to you all here at XD/BA who run the site, as well as the customers who share their experiences.
So in the name of liberation, I'd love to hear all your personal experiences. What was the hardest part about coming out as a cross-dresser? How has your life improved since then? What is your clothing style? How often do you incorporate feminine attire in your daily life?
Nathan
15 comments
I wish I had a positive comment but my “coming out” hasn’t been so positive. I only like to wear panties. No make up, no heels, no feminine alter ego, no other women’s clothes. I don’t come across as feminine, I grew up on a farm and am used to hard work; I was a professional soldier for 3 decades doing dangerous, physical work, so I am pretty confident I don’t come across as feminine. I told my wife about wearing panties, and at first she said she was ok with it and it appeared fine for a few years. We had some difficult periods and during one of these periods, it came out that the panties weren’t fine and it was a turn off for her, that she wasn’t ok with it.
I got rid of most of the panties, kept a few but have them hidden. I have added a few more over the last few years, but she doesn’t know about them and I certainly don’t tell her if I wear any, which is rarely now. I wish she had told me the truth at first instead of lying about it. I just feel so embarrassed that she saw me in them and that I involved her in what I liked and thought she was ok with it, and the whole time it was a turn off for her. I’m seeing a psychologist to learn how to accept and deal with my wife not liking this, and how to accept this part of me that has caused me such embarrassment and shame over the panties.
If I could go back in time, I would never have told her and kept it a secret. It would be something I could enjoy in private by myself without the judgement and shame. It seems that many of you had positive experiences revealing this, but it’s also possible for it to go the other way and have it be negative.
Always be courageous! Always show your true colors! Always be positive.
Although I still haven’t plucked up the courage to come out fully as a XD guy except to my wife. I have recently got up the nerve to go out dressed in a short skirt, tights and full make up while on holiday and with my wife’s blessing. It felt so liberating to finally be myself and wear the clothes that I love to wear without the fear that someone would recognise me.
I only dress up at home normally and have a collection of outfits and shoes ,as well as lots of underwear and nighties which I wear in bed all the time.
The thought of being able to go out in a skirt and high heels thrills me but I’m just not brave enough at the moment.
I find everyone’s stories so inspiring though and hopefully I can truly come out soon.
Thank you XD for providing such beautiful underwear and to everyone who has posted here for sharing their experiences
Hi, I’m Bobbi and I am a 51 year old male to female CD. Since I was around 6, I have been fascinated with women’s clothes. Particularly under garments such as panties, tights, pantyhose, lingerie. My mother used to work at a local bar in the early 1980’s serving drinks on Friday and Saturday nights. While she was at work, I would search through her underwear drawer and found a plastic bag full of pantyhose. I picked out a pair of Sheer Energy pantyhose and tried them on. Instantly, I was hooked on pantyhose. I would walk around the empty house in just her pantyhose.
A couple of weeks later, I got bolder. I put on some of her makeup and applied it exactly how Mom would every morning, I would watch her put on her makeup. Then, I went through her closet and found an old dress that looked about my size, I was 14 years old during this period. When I put her dress on, I looked in the mirror and fell in love with the beautiful girl I was staring at. It amazed me how beautiful I looked. Her heels did not fit me, Mom has small feet as she stands at 5 feet even. Every Friday night, I looked forward to about 3 hours of crossdressing fun. Although, I had not heard of the term crossdressing.
I stopped dressing when Mom quit her weekend job and that made it quite difficult for me to dress up. When I was a senior in high school, my feminine feelings came back strong. I shaved my legs all through my senior year. At 19, I moved out of the house and shared an apartment with another male. I would parade around the apartment wearing just pantyhose when I was alone. I continued shaving my legs daily. Back then, I was too afraid to go out in public dressed. I would wear pantyhose under my pants. I did however, wear shorts during the summer and showed off my shaved legs. Late 80’s, young man with shaved legs was frowned upon where I lived. I continued dressing in secret for the next 20 years.
I came out to some coworkers and friends about 8 years ago. I must say my friends are extremely supportive and encourage me to be who I am and not let anyone say otherwise. Sometimes, we get together and go to a drag show, I love drag shows and dream of one day soon becoming a drag performer. Even if it’s for a year or so. At my age, I’m not sure how long I can perform in drag. I am also married and she does not agree with my alternate lifestyle, I have the freedom to do so away from the home. Thank you to all who have shared a little bit about themselves. Kisses!
I forgot to mention my body is clean of body hair at all times. It is great using body epilator they really work I use it monthly
I love wearing make up such as cover girl eyebrow pencil and moisturizer for my face. I dont wear eye shadow . I enjoy wearing toenail polish only wear xdress panties and xdress nighties I really love being as feminine as possible. I weigh aPPROX 140LBS and I will not gain weight.
Keri: You seem to be quite far along in your journey, and your confidence in yourself and style are very inspiring. I am sure having an understanding and supportive wife is extremely helpful in that regard, and I am very happy that you have found a woman that supports you as well. You and I seem to share a lot of similarities, as I am also naturally slender and wear a woman’s size 9 shoe. My size makes wearing feminine attire feel even more natural.
I certainly agree with your statement of; the longer you do the more something the more comfortable you become. I feel far less inhibited in my desires now opposed to a year ago. This individual you described at the Fashion Center does sound quite similar to me, except I have black hair. I often wonder if there are other men like us, who see me and are inspired to present themselves the way they want.
Anyway, I am glad you enjoyed my story and I have truly enjoyed this discussion with you as well!
Hi Nathan,
I love your story and am so happy that you feel more open about your feminine side. The internet has made things so much more open. Those of us that feel the way we do have found that we are not the only ones. Continue to explore your feeling and desires. You might find as I have that we change over time and may and should discover that you are less inhibited in being you.
I am not sure how to describe my style of expressing my feminine self. I do know it has changed some over time. The core of my feminine side has remained much the same but has become stronger and more comfortable. It has helped to have an understanding wife. It has also helped that society has been more accepting of the various names and phrases society chooses to describe us. My wife has seen this and has realized that so many guys feel the way we do. Web sites to include XDress and BA she knows exist and she realizes there are so many feminine guys. My style has been, I guess, to wear as much as I can that is so called female attire but not give me away. Having said that I have found what I felt was not acceptable ten years or more ago is not okay with me. Tops may be that best example. T Tops, jerseys etc. I began with black & navy and then branched out to pastels. Initially I had to get past the short sleeve women’s jerseys I wear had shorter sleeves than mens tops. My tan line had to move up. It did and I eventually stopped worrying about them. Fortunately I am not a large male. Panties and even women’s sneakers are a no brainer. I wear a woman’s nine shoe. The only thing that was different initially was that I loved the pink and pastel colors in my sneakers. Today mens sneakers are pink and every other rainbow color. I’ve always worn women’s shorts and living in Arizona I wear them most days. Those are easy. I got used to some of my women’s shorts having front pockets, no back pockets, cute belts (covered by my tops) and either no fly opening or opposite side openings which are less common in women’s shorts, slacks etc. Make up may have been my slowest progression. Although it started years ago with mens Clinique. I eventually switched to less expensive women’s makeup and today use CoverGirl minimally and hopefully not noticeably. The only problem is that the longer you do these things the more comfortable you become. I know for example that I use more in amount today than I did early on. It just feels natural. So, what style am I?
I would like to also say that you see out and about more men expressing their feminine side. I think it is wonderful. I go to the Scottsdale Fashion Center a lot. I see at least two men dressing in what I would consider very feminine attire. They are gorgeous really. Go for it. Thinking of you Nathan there is a male that is very Goth if that is the right word. He catches my eye every time I go by a certain makeup store in the mall. Tall, blonde, all black attire, makeup, hair in a feminine style, footwear and more. Definitely an eye catcher. I have never had the nerve to tell him that I love his style even though I am not a big Goth fan.
Thanks again Nathan for you story and to XDress and Angie.
Hugs, Gurls and Guys
Hey there everyone, thank you for your moving responses!
Justin: I am so glad that I could contribute to you feeling accepted, that is all any of us deserve. Stay strong and be courageous!
G: That fear of rejection is brutal, but once you overcome that, anything seems possible. I am glad that you too have a significant other who is supportive of you. It is such a freeing feeling!
Charles: Freedom in self expression is absolutely vital! Continue exploring this side of yourself, and don’t let anyone stop you!
Angie: Thank you! I certainly am grateful for such a supportive girlfriend, and I hope all of us here can find that special someone.
Stevie: Being our most authentic self is so amazing! I too share your pity for those who felt forced to transition, because they didn’t feel comfortable embracing their femininity as a man. Sites like XD/BA are proof that there are many men who are comfortable being men but love embracing femininity, and how wonderful that is!
Ally: Thank you so much! I also don’t consider myself a cross-dresser, rather just a man who expresses himself with a feminine style. Women are no longer considered cross-dressers, and neither should we! It’s great you have found your groove in your style too!
Hi Nathan
How wonderful to read your story. I’m so pleased for you and it must feel so good for you to be able to be yourself and supported by your girlfriend.
I can totally empathize with your story of early years dressing in your sister’s clothes and the secrecy surrounding that. It stayed in the background much longer for me and it is only in recent years that I have been able to dress in the more feminine way that I like. I don’t think of myself as a crossdresser or trans anything. I just enjoy dressing in more feminine styles that you see women more commonly wearing. I don’t have the body shape to be able to carry off skater skirts and fishnet tops. I enjoy a variety of things including trousers and tops. My skirts are normally down to the knee or below and my heels, two inch max.
It’s lovely to read your story Nathan and so good to know you feel supported by the community here. I wish you and your girlfriend every happiness.
With love x
Ally
Great topic! AGAIN!
Hardest thing about coming out (well I m out to only a few). The hardest thing is fear of reaction by your loved ones friends and coworkers as well as fear of rejection for your true self
Life has improved in that i can be authentic with the person that knows and acceptance is liberating and feels so freeing.
My style: girl next doorish: skinny jeans pretty toes, high heels nice lingerie and light make up.
I wear something feminine everyday at least panties and nail polish.
I d like to say that some of us are guys that dont want to be women but we like to indulge femininity! I feel so bad that some of us have tried to transition because society said as a man you cant have any feminine traits or wear any feminine things. So we transitioned only to find that we regret our transition
So thankful for this site to allow all expressions of femininity by men no matter how little or how much
YES we can be men and express and indulge in femininity without pressure to be a woman to do so.
Thank you for this site
Stevie
Hi Nathan, and welcome to the blogger family! I’m not at all surprised that XD/BA invited you to post a blog – your comments are always well developed. Good on you that your gf supports the feminine side of who you are.
Angie
I enjoy the freedom that the internet has brought us into. So that I myself may explore, experience and express as I choose. Thank you for being you and sharing some photos and you life. I love that your girlfriend can deal with it that you are who you and share her many many makeup skills with you. Thanks for posting
Nathan,
Great post! Thank you for sharing your story, I know that I find it supportive to know that others are going through the same types of situations and conversations. I’d say the toughest thing about coming out to my wife about wearing panties and bras is the fear of rejection and loss. I was so afraid that she would decide to move on or leave me. Things have drastically improved since we talked everything out and she is accepting of what I choose to wear. Recently she even taught me the best way to remove a sports bra.. lol. I mostly stick to under clothes wear, as that was always what I wore when I was younger. Life has slowly gotten better with that conversation, the stream of positive thoughts I try to maintain, and the support on here, I’ve gotten so much better. I try to wear at least a bra, limited to sports bras for now, or panties each day when I am not at work.
Thank you again,
G
Nathan I was so touched by your blog and have found a lot of strength within myself and I have had similar experiences similar to yours and now find myself a lot stronger thank you to yourself and Xdress for being there.