The Courage to Be Yourself

The Courage to Be Yourself

Hello, honorable readers. Today I would like to discuss the more personal aspects of dressing in a feminine style, and specifically the courage involved in doing so. Before we begin, I would like to thank David for allowing me to be a guest writer for this blog.

I, like many others here, began my cross-dressing journey at a young age of approximately 8 or 9 years old. I would take any opportunity I could to dress up in my sister's clothes, starting with panties and eventually progressing into shoes and outerwear. This occurred for the next 10 years, as I remained incognito for fear of judgment from my family.

At age 16, I began a relationship with the woman of my dreams. At this time I repressed my cross-dressing and naively thought it was something I could live without, in order to maintain a "normal" relationship with her. However, my desires often prevailed when I was alone. I would feel so euphoric fully dressed up in my girlfriend's clothes, then massive guilt afterward.

Due to my undying love for this woman, I could no longer keep this part of myself hidden. Prior to revealing my secret, I researched others' experiences online and tried to learn from them. I am vastly grateful for the internet in this regard, as I know that those who are older than me did not have such a privilege when they were my age.  

The fear absolutely consumed me when I first told her, as I was sure this was the end of our relationship. It was literally the hardest thing I had ever told anyone since it was the first time I had ever revealed this secret to anyone. Her initial reaction was like many others I have read online. She asked the two standard questions: If I was gay, and if I wanted to be a woman. After quite a long conversation, she initially decided she was accepting but did not want to see it.

This soon changed, however, and I was able to fully dress up around her when I pleased. None of this is to say it suddenly became easier, though. There were many difficult discussions that followed, specifically as my feminine desires blossomed. At first, it was just about the clothes, but as you all know, that progressed into makeup, accessories, nail polish, etc. However, she has remained by my side throughout, offering guidance, support, and assistance with styling.

So here we are today, approximately one year since I first revealed this side of myself, and 8 months since I started cross-dressing daily. During this time, I have adopted a rather unique style choice: Goth. I wear almost exclusively black, and this color dominates all aspects of my wardrobe. My favorite Goth outfit is typically a skater skirt in either leather, velvet, or PVC, with a lace or mesh sleeved blouse, pantyhose, 4" heeled boots, and a chained belt, all in black of course. I have been wanting to add a satin corset to my outfits as well, as they are essential to the Goth wardrobe and the feminine shape they add is gorgeous with any outfit.

Black satin lingerie was also my first purchase from XD/BA, as black satin is so astonishingly alluring. I chose the style as it is befitting of my personality since I am a pure introvert and typically spend most of my time alone with my GF. I also simply love black, which is another one of the main reasons for my choice. Black just looks so good on leather, lace, and mesh materials too!

To me, being a Goth is about being fearless. The color black itself is one of the boldest, and to be a daily cross-dresser requires the same qualities. To present oneself femininely every day, everywhere you go, brings a lot of new challenges that take courage to overcome. We live in a world of absolutes, where we are stigmatized by those who are closed minded if we do not conform to the societal norm.

Such is the cause of the occasional disapproving glances I receive, groups of individuals lowering their voices when I walk by, and so on. These situations can be very discouraging, as they make me feel very self-conscious. However, I have also received countless compliments on my clothes and style, which can immediately erase any previous negativity I may have encountered.

The most validating experiences however are being able to share experiences with those such as yourselves. I may be an introvert, but being able to share this side of myself with others, and discuss both the positive and negative aspects of this journey is absolutely liberating. The existence of websites such as XD/BA grant this liberation, as we now have outlets for not only feminine attire made for the male physique, but also discussion with those who share our clothing preferences.

This is one of the main reasons I continue to have the courage it takes to be myself, and it's thanks to you all here at XD/BA who run the site, as well as the customers who share their experiences.

So in the name of liberation, I'd love to hear all your personal experiences. What was the hardest part about coming out as a cross-dresser? How has your life improved since then? What is your clothing style? How often do you incorporate feminine attire in your daily life?

Kind regards,


Like What You're Reading?

Share it with your friends!



I wish I had a positive comment but my “coming out” hasn’t been so positive. I only like to wear panties. No make up, no heels, no feminine alter ego, no other women’s clothes. I don’t come across as feminine, I grew up on a farm and am used to hard work; I was a professional soldier for 3 decades doing dangerous, physical work, so I am pretty confident I don’t come across as feminine. I told my wife about wearing panties, and at first she said she was ok with it and it appeared fine for a few years. We had some difficult periods and during one of these periods, it came out that the panties weren’t fine and it was a turn off for her, that she wasn’t ok with it.

I got rid of most of the panties, kept a few but have them hidden. I have added a few more over the last few years, but she doesn’t know about them and I certainly don’t tell her if I wear any, which is rarely now. I wish she had told me the truth at first instead of lying about it. I just feel so embarrassed that she saw me in them and that I involved her in what I liked and thought she was ok with it, and the whole time it was a turn off for her. I’m seeing a psychologist to learn how to accept and deal with my wife not liking this, and how to accept this part of me that has caused me such embarrassment and shame over the panties.

If I could go back in time, I would never have told her and kept it a secret. It would be something I could enjoy in private by myself without the judgement and shame. It seems that many of you had positive experiences revealing this, but it’s also possible for it to go the other way and have it be negative.


Always be courageous! Always show your true colors! Always be positive.


Although I still haven’t plucked up the courage to come out fully as a XD guy except to my wife. I have recently got up the nerve to go out dressed in a short skirt, tights and full make up while on holiday and with my wife’s blessing. It felt so liberating to finally be myself and wear the clothes that I love to wear without the fear that someone would recognise me.
I only dress up at home normally and have a collection of outfits and shoes ,as well as lots of underwear and nighties which I wear in bed all the time.
The thought of being able to go out in a skirt and high heels thrills me but I’m just not brave enough at the moment.
I find everyone’s stories so inspiring though and hopefully I can truly come out soon.
Thank you XD for providing such beautiful underwear and to everyone who has posted here for sharing their experiences


Hi, I’m Bobbi and I am a 51 year old male to female CD. Since I was around 6, I have been fascinated with women’s clothes. Particularly under garments such as panties, tights, pantyhose, lingerie. My mother used to work at a local bar in the early 1980’s serving drinks on Friday and Saturday nights. While she was at work, I would search through her underwear drawer and found a plastic bag full of pantyhose. I picked out a pair of Sheer Energy pantyhose and tried them on. Instantly, I was hooked on pantyhose. I would walk around the empty house in just her pantyhose.

A couple of weeks later, I got bolder. I put on some of her makeup and applied it exactly how Mom would every morning, I would watch her put on her makeup. Then, I went through her closet and found an old dress that looked about my size, I was 14 years old during this period. When I put her dress on, I looked in the mirror and fell in love with the beautiful girl I was staring at. It amazed me how beautiful I looked. Her heels did not fit me, Mom has small feet as she stands at 5 feet even. Every Friday night, I looked forward to about 3 hours of crossdressing fun. Although, I had not heard of the term crossdressing.

I stopped dressing when Mom quit her weekend job and that made it quite difficult for me to dress up. When I was a senior in high school, my feminine feelings came back strong. I shaved my legs all through my senior year. At 19, I moved out of the house and shared an apartment with another male. I would parade around the apartment wearing just pantyhose when I was alone. I continued shaving my legs daily. Back then, I was too afraid to go out in public dressed. I would wear pantyhose under my pants. I did however, wear shorts during the summer and showed off my shaved legs. Late 80’s, young man with shaved legs was frowned upon where I lived. I continued dressing in secret for the next 20 years.

I came out to some coworkers and friends about 8 years ago. I must say my friends are extremely supportive and encourage me to be who I am and not let anyone say otherwise. Sometimes, we get together and go to a drag show, I love drag shows and dream of one day soon becoming a drag performer. Even if it’s for a year or so. At my age, I’m not sure how long I can perform in drag. I am also married and she does not agree with my alternate lifestyle, I have the freedom to do so away from the home. Thank you to all who have shared a little bit about themselves. Kisses!


I forgot to mention my body is clean of body hair at all times. It is great using body epilator they really work I use it monthly


Leave a comment

Please note, comments need to be approved before they are published.