How can I possibly share my passion for wearing women's lingerie with my girlfriend, who doesn't seem at all inclined to think it's normal? I'm afraid of her reaction. And I don't want to jeopardize our relationship. Thank you very much.
Crossdressing itself will not make your relationship easier. There's really no way you can get your partner to understand and embrace your love for lingerie.
But you can be truthful and relationships are easier when both people are honest about everything.
And I feel you should be honest, especially at this stage of your relationship. Your girlfriend deserves to know who you are and what she is, for lack of a better phrase, getting into. For some people, this part of you is a dealbreaker, and it's better they know this about you now then after the two of you have made a significant commitment, such as living together or getting engaged.
People wear what they wear for a LOT of reasons. It could be a t-shirt of your favorite band or an old, ratty baseball cap that should have probably been tossed years ago or a football jersey for a team that hasn't won a game in three years.. Clothes can, and do, have sentimental value, after all. Sometimes we wear things because of comfort, regardless of the gender it's designed for. I mean, I love leggings and nightgowns and I feel that every guy would wear them if they just tried them. Some apparel reinforces our gender identity, some items just feel "right", and some things we wear because, well, they arouse us.
Our partners will likely never really understand why we wear what we wear. But that's okay. I myself don't really understand why I wear what I wear either. The world is so used to gender as a binary and how some clothes, some colors, some jobs, some music is for girls or for boys. Some parents lose their minds when their son wants to wear a pink shirt or their daughter wants to play hockey or whatever. There's no reason or rule that says kids (and adults) can't do these things. We are conditioned by the world to maintain and expect and be comforted by gender roles and upholding these arbitrary rules.
When we come out to our partners and it doesn't go well, it's not a surprise. Sometimes it is a knee-jerk reaction. I mean, look at how crossdressing has been portrayed in movies. A male character who wears panties is usually a comedic role or they are meant to be a sexual deviant or they are gay (or in denial). Crossdressers are never shown in a healthy or realistic way. It's not a surprise that our partners associate this side of us with what they have been shown before. Our brains like to contextualize things so when we see "a man wearing lingerie" our minds race to connect this new experience with something relevant that we have previously experienced. Our minds subconsciously look for patterns and more often than not, the first time someone saw "a man wearing lingerie" was likely in a movie where he was shown to be a pervert or gay.
Of course, there's nothing wrong with being gay, but sometimes people are hesitant to get into a relationship with someone who is questioning their sexuality or gender.
And of course, there's nothing wrong with a fetish or a kink, as long as our partners are consenting and what we're into isn't illegal, unethical, or harmful.
I feel we need to be honest with who we are. I do not feel that crossdressing is a phase and I don't think it's something we can stop doing. After all, it brings us joy and there's nothing wrong with wearing what we wear. You might think you can stop, and you probably can, for a time but I don't think you'll be able to deny this side of yourself for the rest of your life. Because of this, I think it's important to come out.
Yes, your partner might not like it but it's important for you to be true to who you are. I had a few relationships before I met my wife and I always thought I could repress this side of me but I never could, not for very long, anyway. I came out to my wife when we were dating. By this point in my life I knew I couldn't stop, and honestly, I didn't want to. I told her that this is who I was and if we were going to be together we would need to find a way to make it work. It wouldn't have been fair to her if I wasn't honest with her, and it wouldn't be fair to me to live the rest of my life repressing a significant part of myself.
If and when you have 'The Talk', be prepared for the normal questions about your sexuality and gender. She will probably ask if you are gay or bi. She will probably ask about your gender identity and if you think you may want to transition. Be ready for these questions, even if you can't answer them. Telling our partners "I am not sure" or "I am still figuring that out" are honest answers. Don't lie to them. Be gentle and honest with your partner.
I wish you luck and who knows? It could go better than you think it will.
Love, Hannah
The views and opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of XDress
5 comments
I love wearing lingerie, but have kept it hidden from anyone else for pretty much my whole life. That is until very recently when I’ve been able to introduce the subject to my wife. She knows that I like it when she wears lingerie, and I often buy things for her. I particularly like seeing her in stockings and a garter belt, and it’s something I love to wear too (although for me it’s only ever been secretively before). A while back I ‘complained’ to her that she hadn’t worn stockings for me for ages, and joked that as “it’s international stockings day” she should put them on later. I couldn’t believe my luck when she replied, “well, if it’s international stockings day, you should wear them too!”. She fetched one of her garter belts and some stockings and handed them to me. She told me that, if I wanted her to wear them, then I’d better put some on too. I excitedly did as she suggested and we spent a very enjoyable evening together, of which I won’t go into detail here. Afterwards I told her that I found the experience wearing stockings really erotic. She suggested that we do it again, and bought me a garter belt and some stockings of my own. After we’d done this again, I asked her if I should try wearing other lingerie too, to see if I like that as much. That was a few weeks ago now, and since then, we’ve enjoyed quite a few times with us both wearing lingerie. I can’t believe my luck that after all these years I can finally wear lingerie openly. Sharing this with my wife has certainly been good for me, and she doesn’t seem to have any concerns about having a husband who wears lingerie and stockings!
I have been extremely fortunate. I opened up to my partner very early in our relationship. After being married previously to someone who would have shamed me for my love and appreciation of wearing sexy lingerie, I wasn’t going to go through that again.
Early in our relationship, I was away and we FaceTimed, and I told her what I was wearing, and she wanted to see it. That was the beginning. Then she was curious, and wanted to see in person. I must admit that there was a bit of a “break in” period as she knew she liked this aspect, but didn’t want to “lose her man”, her protector as it were. Over time, she got to appreciate both. Now, she will buy me panties and lingerie, I get surprise gifts from x-dress, she surprised me with a new skirt a couple weeks ago. We pick out each others bra and panty sets every day, often matching. I’m so happy that I shared this with her from the very beginning. She often paints my toenails too, or go out together for pedicures. Hiding it from her, or her not accepting it, would never have worked. This has really enriched our lives on so many levels. I get to be me, she accepts me for who I am. She gets the softer, sexy feminine side, and the jeans, dirty hands, rugged masculine side too. Best of both worlds for both of us. I often wonder, as men, we struggle with accepting our own love of lingerie. I wonder how many women struggle with accepting the fact that their man does? If we shared this, and were truly open, would that sharing lead to acceptance and understanding, and thus happiness for both sides. Sure worked well for me. X-dress and this forum was also a big part of this, to know that I was not alone. Men sharing their thoughts helped build my confidence, and shift my shame into acceptance. Thanks for sharing.
I am super lucky! As I grew into my love for wearing sexy lingerie my wife went right along with me. Of course I would always by her fancy bras, panties, and bikinis. And then I was buying matching things for me. Now we wear matching lingerie all the time. We match our panties when we go shopping, to lunch, and everywhere. Every evening our bras and panties match as well. So fun! We wear matching XDress bras and she compliments hers with sexy tiny panties! Right now I’m wearing my Lovestruck bra and sexy thong. She is wearing her small Lovestuck bra with lacy red panties. Grateful!!!
I introduced my gf at the time, now my wife to that side of me during a week we actually spent apart on vacation. Before I left I told her to pick some panties of hers out for me to take with me so I could use them to "clean up with " after I had alone time on my trip. She loved the idea and picked a couple for me to take. Of course they were a little small and skimpy for me and didn’t quite contain all of my parts, but she didn’t know what I had planned.
So one night before we FT each other I slid them on. When she answered my FT video chat that night I had them on and was at full “display” , telling her I wanted her as close to me as possible while I thought of her, we then began our FT session and both of us greatly enjoyed it. She expressed how much Iof a turn on it was seeing me like that , so that was an extremely easy way for me to tell her …. well if you really enjoyed it and wanted to see more that I would let her buy some additional panties that she wanted to see me in , even matching ones ( but in my size of course) that we could wear at the same time, going out or just during our intimate time. She had absolutely no hesitation with that at all since now she had seen a nice visual of what to already expect. So needless to say since then she and I have bought many panties for me to wear. Date nights are fun when you and your partner know your little secret of what’s underneath. And as time has gone by there has been bra and panty sets purchased for me as well as some cute little outfits for her to dress me in. I am extremely fortunate to have a wife that fully supports this side of me. She loves being the only girl I have ever shared this secret with , and I love not having to hide it and only enjoying it alone and in secret.
One time she had a matching bra and panty set laying on her bed , while she was out I got undressed, laid down on the bed and place her bra over my chest and her panties over my lower half , took a pic, sent it to her , and said ….. I think this set would good on me as well, what do you think ? So I think when you can incorporate a little surprise visual of you enjoying theirs first , and then getting that slight intial arousement from it can really help it “take off” from there. If not you can just both laugh it off and you can then kinda know how well anything further would be accepted. If it’s a deal breaker for you , you will then have some important decisions to make for your future. It is way more pleasurable having the supportive partner than enjoying alone. Some ladies just cannot tolerate it, so trying to force it will probably never work. Some people are just more open to the idea than others and that is ok. But as adults, our intimate desires typically never leave. You either find someone on the same page, keep it a secret, or make some moves until you find someone more open to your likes.
You could also start by just buying yourself a sexy, sporty jock or thong, letting her see you in that and then possibly go from there. You know your partner better then we do so just think on it and maybe get a little creative. Tell them it’s like food …. sometimes you don’t like it until you try it ! Hahaha!! Good luck to everyone still looking to expose this side of yourself to you significant other.
Everyone in this article is spot on. I was asked all the questions when I came out to my wife. We are now at a healthy point that I wear lingerie every night around the house and underdress whenever possible. She also helps me shop and picks out pretty things! At first she wasn’t thrilled. It took time and lots of conversations to get to the point with it that we are now. If she really wants to be with you it will work out.