Getting the Wife Onboard: Part II

Getting the Wife Onboard:  Part II


In order to get the context of this article, it would be helpful to you to read the first installment. You can read it here.  Go ahead and read it - I’ll wait. (Crickets, crickets.) Okay, so off we go.

So you’ve had The Talk or some version of it with your wife and she knows you like to cross dress. As an aside, I’ll be using the term, “wife” in this article for the sake of brevity. You can substitute whatever word works for you. I don’t mean to exclude anyone from this discourse. So your wife knows you like the finer things of women’s clothing and is onboard with you. Where do you go from here? That is what this article is all about. 

First, “onboard” covers a wide range of acceptance, from accepting your crossdressing only when she or you are away from home to full acceptance of daily crossdressing in full femme attire. Also, your sense of the level of crossdressing that fits you can cover a wide range as well, from the occasional pair of panties, to dressing every day in lingerie, skirts, and blouses. Recognizing the very broad and fascinating range that crossdressing can cover, let’s consider a few things.

First, and foremost, successful crossdressing is about honesty and relationship. That honesty and relationship is two-dimensional. The first dimension is relationship with yourself; what does crossdressing mean to you? Why do you do it? What motivates you to come to Xdress and read this blog, as well as look at the beautiful lingerie here? What drives you? Start with honesty with yourself. 


The second dimension is your relationship with your wife. I can’t emphasize enough that being successful in your relationship with your wife is all about communication. This is true of any relationship, be it straight, gay, or Martian. As you become self-aware, you will be much better equipped to communicate with your wife, who has every right to know these things. Remember: what you have chosen affects her life as well. Kindness, respect and honesty are the three golden rules of communication with her (as they are in any civilized society).

As I mentioned in my first article, “Getting the Wife Onboard” (you did read it, didn’t you – Scouts honor?), most wives fear two things: 1) are you gay? and 2) do you want to be a woman? For the great majority of us, the answers, in order, are “no” and “no”. (Don’t get the order of the answers mixed up….sorry, just yanking your chain.) I think the best description I’ve heard of the difference between being gay and being transgender (meaning across genders) is that being gay has to do with who you want to go to bed with. Being transgender (crossdressing) has to do with who you want to go to bed as. I can tell you I go to bed as Angie every night, thanks to my wonderful wife, who has purchased most of my nightgowns. Be sure your wife understands the difference.

Okay, enough of the basics. Let’s assume your wife is onboard with your inner femme. Where do you go, further down the road?

I can tell you that my marriage has never been better than it is now, and I’ve been married to my wonderful wife for over two decades. Our marriage truly took off in a positive direction when I fully owned and she fully accepted my sense of my broader and feminine self. A number of things happened that I want to share with you that may help you in your journey into this fascinating world of the gender fluid.

First, I took on a slogan: “If I’m going to dress like a girl, I’m going to work like a girl.” That means I fully share in the housekeeping and cooking. I’ll tell you that I am a totally incompetent cook, but my wife is a great one. She assigned me the role of sous chef, meaning gofer and dish washer. Hey – I’m fine with that, as long as I’m in dressed en femme. She even hugs me once in a while and, shameless thing that she is, snaps my bra strap. What a hussy!

Secondly, enjoy shopping. Your wife has a new girlfriend. Go for it! You have the perfect partner (and cover) to find all kinds of girly clothing in the brick and mortar shops. My wife will see something and say, “Do you think your Aunt Angie would like this?” if a sales associate is in the vicinity. Otherwise it is “Oh Angie, look at this!” When your wife picks out blouses, skirts, panties, and bras for you? Pure gold!  The other really fun thing is to go online and shop together. Xdress and Body Aware are great places to go. Their lingerie is exquisite. They also have his and hers lingerie, which is a total blast. When your wife is willing to have you underdress as she does, you are home free!

Don’t forget to go to the nail salon with your wife and have manicures and pedicures. While you are at it, purchase a gift certificate for her for some nail care and maybe a facial (lady’s love gift certificates in their Christmas stocking).

One thing I want to add. As you go further down the road in this wonderful exploration of who you really are, never, but never forget to celebrate your wife’s femininity. It is the core of who she is, and you should always make sure she knows that, while you love the lingerie of Xdress and Body aware, and the skirts and blouse in the brick and mortar stores, she has not lost the man that will cherish and protect her. As I said in the previous blog (you did read it, didn’t you?) make sure she knows she hasn’t lost her man – she’s gained a girlfriend. Now, get out there and have some fun!


Fondest wishes,

Angie, XD Guest Blogger 

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Hi Dean,

The fact that your wife has bought you panties is a hopeful sign. In this blog, I mentioned that one of the fears that wives might have is that they will lose their man if he crossdresses. I’ve heard this from a number of men in other forums, so I suspect it is a common concern for wives. There are some wives that absolutely will not accept any crossdressing by their husbands. Your wife doesn’t seem to fit this role, as she has given you panties in the past. Be patient with her and don’t push too hard. Also, assure her in whatever ways you can that you are as much a man in panties as you are in boxers (if you can stand to wear the dreadful things).

Fond regards,


My wife is not on board or too excited about my love for wearing lingerie. I have showed her, she has bought me panties, I now wear in private in the bedroom but she says she wants a man. I can’t stop now, too many years of having my fun. I have tried to get her to change, I won’t stop trying but not too sure.


Hi again Steff,

I’m so glad you don’t have to hide your panties and bras. That is a really big graduation. I remember well the first day I was able to wear a bra openly in front of my wife. That was a really freeing experience.She picked out my second bra in a brick and mortar store. Good day, to say the least. I’m now in panties and bra every day. I’m glad your wife is onboard with you. As we’ve chatted before, give her time, and let her adjust. You have a great wife, and things will only get better with her onboard with you!

Fondest regards,


Thanks Angie
No worries hope it eas a great trip
I dont push the heels
I m happy I could tell her and she didn’t divorce
I m happy where we are and I m not going to be greedy about it
My lingerie is now in my regular dresser and i dint have to hide my panties and bras anymore


Hi Steff, sorry for the belated response. My wife and I were on vacation, but I’m baaack!

Your recommendation of Peggy Rudd’s book, “Crossdressing With Dignity” is an excellent suggestion. It is basically a book for newby crossdressers and can be very helpful to their spouses as well. She has a number of other books as well, and I can fully recommend them. She is particularly helpful to the spouses of CD’s. As far as your heels and nightgowns, give your dear lady a little time. Our wives need to have time and space to adjust to this “new husband” they have.

Brandy, I agree with Steff that a support group might be helpful to you, as far as going out in public. I don’t know where you live, or the culture of your area. This figures in greatly, as far as outing yourself. Also, your comportment en femme is very important. If you just look like a linebacker in a dress, it likely won’t go well for you. Be careful, dear sister, and the best of luck to you!



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