I’m really excited to be invited to write a guest blog post here; everything about Xdress, this brand, this lingerie, makes me happy. The stylish, bold photographs, the stunning designs, the beauty. And it also feels a little “naughty”, a little taboo, a little or a lot different. Yes, even in 2022.
And why should that be? Who created the “norms” of who should wear what? Is what is considered “acceptable” today different from the past? And if we desire something different, how does that get created?
A brief google search reveals what I intuitively knew: the gender distinctions of who wears what are comparatively new, as are ideas such as blue for a boy and pink for a girl. In the past, men have sported skirts, dresses, togas, as well as high heels and make-up.
And then it all changed. It was in the Victorian era that the delineation of clothing by gender became more defined. It went so far that some US cities even made cross dressing illegal, in the nineteenth and early twentieth century.
Thankfully, this seems almost inconceivable now, and we have a new phenomenon where many people desire to free themselves from gender roles, and gender delineations, and this is reflected in the fashion scene where there is a trend towards gender-neutral.
XDress' Eco Ribbed Cami & Panties
There is another interesting dynamic here. It seems that women choosing to wear men’s clothing has always been more socially acceptable than vice versa. Throughout history, there are instances of women dressing as men in order to have the societal freedoms that are afforded to men. Generally, men are “higher” in the social hierarchy, so women choosing to dress as men is somehow seen as an advancement or a betterment. When men dress as women, this can appear the opposite, and cause suspicion and confusion. And of course prejudice.
Beyond this, a woman wearing her husband’s shirt can be sexy. Actually, this reminds me of borrowing my Dad’s shirts when I was a teenager, and this was in fashion – and definitely sexy. There can sometimes be a sense when a man wears a dress it’s something a bit ridiculous, and far from sexy.
Of course, this is not so with Xdress underwear. The way this underwear is presented, the way the men are being as they pose is bold, different, daring, unconventional, unapologetically sexy and actually in a way exciting. These pictures, this “advertising” is so challenging to the “norm” even nowadays that there are several social media platforms that push back against allowing Xdress to advertise.
When something is so different that it is banned, this often comes with a fight against the mainstream, a resistance and reaction to the norms – a bit like a teenage rebellion, or a “F-you” to the establishment - we will have our lacy underwear, we will be different, and you can keep your normal ways of dressing and behaving and die of boredom!
This violence, this force, and antagonism in the expression of the difference can create reaction and violence from the other side, which leads to repression – which of course we are so familiar with.
When I look at the models in XDress photographs, what shines out for me is the models’ enjoyment of the lace, the thong, the tight fit, the bra,………………My sense is they know they look good, and they enjoy that too – and not from a sense of “superiority”, just from a feeling of confidence that their choice in underwear gives them. They know what works, they know who they are, and they actually don’t care what other people think, positive or negative.
And when I say they don’t “care”, this is from the space of so enjoying what they are choosing and being true to themselves that not only are other people’s opinions irrelevant, they don’t have the need to even wonder what they are.
XDress' Purple Valentina Panties & Bra
The underwear is an invitation just to enjoy life. So, wearing clothes to decorate the body while making the body feel happy and alive, does not have to be the sole domain of women. XDress’ gorgeous, sensual fabrics, unique colors, and unusual designs are an invitation to opulence, luxury, hedonism, and enjoyment.
And my point of view - as with everything in life, what’s the point if it’s not fun? What’s the point if it doesn’t feel good? This underwear is an invitation to truly enjoying the feel of the fabric, the luxury of satin on your skin, the decoration of lace. It is somehow saying our bodies are important, enjoyment and hedonism are valuable, our bodies deserve to be given sexy, attractive clothing, whether we are male or female, gay or straight, and whatever the prevailing ideas about clothing are.
And my sense is that through this bold, unapologetic choice to be different with underwear and clothing, with luxury and enjoyment, acceptance will follow. Other people who may secretly desire something different in their clothing will feel enabled and gain the courage to go for it. Even if things don’t change as quickly as we might wish, at least in the meantime, those people who desire something different can have it, even if they are not allowed to share it on social media!
Fiona, Guest Blogger
33 comments
Progress report! In continuing to follow the advice from Stevie and Ally (and others) I have been alert to any potential conversational springboard that might allow me to continue my previous conversation with my wife about some men (including me!) who wear lingerie. I figured that it would be best if the subject came up ‘naturally’, and not as some sort of declaration or as something that I obviously wanted or needed to talk about, but have been frustrated that not one potential opportunity had arisen since the last conversation. Well, yesterday, my patience paid off! We were watching TV together and on the TV show was an attractive woman who my wife commented about as being transgender. I definitely would not have guessed that this was the case but, as usual, my wife was proven correct by the end of the show. This sparked the following conversation: (Wife) I wonder what you would look like if I dressed you up as a woman (Me) Not very pretty I guess (Wife) I think you might. Maybe we should try sometime (Me) I wouldn’t mind. It would be interesting to find out how it feels to wear a skirt or dress and I’d be really interested to see what it’s like to wear lingerie. (Wife) Lingerie? Really? Why? (Me) Well you know how much I love it when you wear lingerie so I’d quite like to know how it feels to wear it (Wife) Why lingerie particularly? (Me) I don’t know, maybe I’ve always loved the feel of the material when you’re wearing something silky or lacy and would like to experience how that feels on me (Wife) Ok, let’s try it sometime eh. We’d have to buy you something because you’re not going to fit into anything I’ve got. I’ll have a look online and see what I can find (Me) I’ll look forward to it So that’s where things regarding this subject currently are. It looks like I will get an opportunity to dress up in something(?) with my wife pretty soon (depending on how quickly she goes shopping and what she buys!) I’m still pretty nervous about how this will go and if I’ll be able to develop it into an accepted part of our regular lives, but it’s a start and a development I could not have hoped for in my wildest dreams just a few weeks ago. For all those who have been interested in my journey so far – thank you. I will post again when I can update you all Rich
Hi Rich. I have been following your blog and really agree with the comments from Stevie and Ally. Take it in small steps. Find some alone time and always discuss it when you are in a good mood, never depressed, angry or in a bad mood. I have come out as openly gay and also cross dressing and find it is a never ending process. Just take it slow and do it on your terms. Try not to be overwhelming. I would tell her to set aside some quiet alone time free from distractions and say I have something to talk about. That may be the hardest part. I was always surprised at how other people reacted. To my surprise, understanding and very calm. Good Luck and keep us posted. Joanne.
Well that’s a promising start Rich. I’d have thought it a little more promising if she’d said, “It might give the A&E department a bit of a surprise, but that’s their problem” – rather than pointing out the potential embarrassment of the wearer. But there we are, you’ve made a start. I’ll follow your progress with interest. Following up Stevie’s point – yes, I’d love dresses that fit nicely and which I can happily wear outdoors. I have my eye on some nice summer dresses that are shift, pinafore and tunic style – things that don’t have a shaped bust or tight waist. Things that just look natural and will slip over a man’s body – i.e. broad shoulders and no waist. It shouldn’t be much to ask should it? Until later. Good luck Rich Ally x
Richard
Hi
Yes slow dips into the pool will probably work better
As far as the accident goes, the ER workers have seen it all!
Thanks for the support Ally and Stevie, and your interest. I’ve taken on board your advice and comments and have decided to approach any explanation of my lingerie wearing desires to my wife with small tentative steps rather than a full wholehearted disclosure. To that end, I did slip into conversation with my wife just yesterday that I had read something about some men who have a preference for wearing women’s panties instead of boxers and that this is more common than people would expect! Her response? She simply commented that it doesn’t matter what people wear as long as they’re comfortable, but that it could be a bit embarrassing for them if they had an accident and had to go to hospital! I haven’t progressed this conversation any further with her yet but will probably try to over the coming days. Thanks again (I will update you further in due course) Rich