Who Told Us How to Dress?
I’m really excited to be invited to write a guest blog post here; everything about Xdress, this brand, this lingerie, makes me happy. The stylish, bold photographs, the stunning designs, the beauty. And it also feels a little “naughty”, a little taboo, a little or a lot different. Yes, even in 2022.
And why should that be? Who created the “norms” of who should wear what? Is what is considered “acceptable” today different from the past? And if we desire something different, how does that get created?
A brief google search reveals what I intuitively knew: the gender distinctions of who wears what are comparatively new, as are ideas such as blue for a boy and pink for a girl. In the past, men have sported skirts, dresses, togas, as well as high heels and make-up.
And then it all changed. It was in the Victorian era that the delineation of clothing by gender became more defined. It went so far that some US cities even made cross dressing illegal, in the nineteenth and early twentieth century.
Thankfully, this seems almost inconceivable now, and we have a new phenomenon where many people desire to free themselves from gender roles, and gender delineations, and this is reflected in the fashion scene where there is a trend towards gender-neutral.
XDress' Eco Ribbed Cami & Panties
There is another interesting dynamic here. It seems that women choosing to wear men’s clothing has always been more socially acceptable than vice versa. Throughout history, there are instances of women dressing as men in order to have the societal freedoms that are afforded to men. Generally, men are “higher” in the social hierarchy, so women choosing to dress as men is somehow seen as an advancement or a betterment. When men dress as women, this can appear the opposite, and cause suspicion and confusion. And of course prejudice.
Beyond this, a woman wearing her husband’s shirt can be sexy. Actually, this reminds me of borrowing my Dad’s shirts when I was a teenager, and this was in fashion – and definitely sexy. There can sometimes be a sense when a man wears a dress it’s something a bit ridiculous, and far from sexy.
Of course, this is not so with Xdress underwear. The way this underwear is presented, the way the men are being as they pose is bold, different, daring, unconventional, unapologetically sexy and actually in a way exciting. These pictures, this “advertising” is so challenging to the “norm” even nowadays that there are several social media platforms that push back against allowing Xdress to advertise.
When something is so different that it is banned, this often comes with a fight against the mainstream, a resistance and reaction to the norms – a bit like a teenage rebellion, or a “F-you” to the establishment - we will have our lacy underwear, we will be different, and you can keep your normal ways of dressing and behaving and die of boredom!
This violence, this force, and antagonism in the expression of the difference can create reaction and violence from the other side, which leads to repression – which of course we are so familiar with.
When I look at the models in XDress photographs, what shines out for me is the models’ enjoyment of the lace, the thong, the tight fit, the bra,………………My sense is they know they look good, and they enjoy that too – and not from a sense of “superiority”, just from a feeling of confidence that their choice in underwear gives them. They know what works, they know who they are, and they actually don’t care what other people think, positive or negative.
And when I say they don’t “care”, this is from the space of so enjoying what they are choosing and being true to themselves that not only are other people’s opinions irrelevant, they don’t have the need to even wonder what they are.
XDress' Purple Valentina Panties & Bra
The underwear is an invitation just to enjoy life. So, wearing clothes to decorate the body while making the body feel happy and alive, does not have to be the sole domain of women. XDress’ gorgeous, sensual fabrics, unique colors, and unusual designs are an invitation to opulence, luxury, hedonism, and enjoyment.
And my point of view - as with everything in life, what’s the point if it’s not fun? What’s the point if it doesn’t feel good? This underwear is an invitation to truly enjoying the feel of the fabric, the luxury of satin on your skin, the decoration of lace. It is somehow saying our bodies are important, enjoyment and hedonism are valuable, our bodies deserve to be given sexy, attractive clothing, whether we are male or female, gay or straight, and whatever the prevailing ideas about clothing are.
And my sense is that through this bold, unapologetic choice to be different with underwear and clothing, with luxury and enjoyment, acceptance will follow. Other people who may secretly desire something different in their clothing will feel enabled and gain the courage to go for it. Even if things don’t change as quickly as we might wish, at least in the meantime, those people who desire something different can have it, even if they are not allowed to share it on social media!
Fiona, Guest Blogger
33 comments
That is really good news Rich. Sounds like you’re home and dry. May you have many more years in the lingerie of your dreams! Ally x
Rich, I love your story, and congratulations on the progress. Glad you decided to take the more subtle approach as suggested by Stevie and Ally, obviously a little less shock factor. I took a little more forward approach with my girlfriend and dropped the bomb on her through a conversation when we first started dating, and fortunately it worked. Our story is in previous blogs. I will say that it is so liberating to just be yourself to be able to dress how you want to dress. It started slower with wearing panties, and progressed to bra’s, garter, stockings, and into doing catwalks for her. She actually requests it. In the mornings after I get out of the shower she has a bra and panty set picked out for me on the bed. We often have matching sets for the day. We go shopping together, and we will surprise each other with lingerie gifts. She buys me satin nighties, and often have coffee in the morning together in our lingerie. She has bought me some dresses, but I don’t wear those often, and only around the house if I am in the mood.
My point being that there are women out there, as you have discovered, that find this attractive. It is such a hard subject to broach as it could end up with a negative result. It is such a game changer to have that support, and will say that it has really enhanced our personal relationship. There is great fun and excitement to go shopping together picking out colors and fabrics and matching sets. Xdress has been such a blessing to find things that fit well, look sexy, and a place where she /we can shop online.
Keep the updates coming, always great to see how this is going for you. I’m happy for you.
Progress report pt2…Success!!! I had been unable think about much else for the last week or so. About what lingerie my wife might buy for me to try since her last comments. Would it be a full outfit (stockings and a garter belt along with panties and matching bra? (I was hoping so!)), what colours, what style, etc. I had been feeling quite impatient but very excited about what might happen and when she might present me with her purchases. Yesterday had been a long day at work and I got home feeling tired, a little stressed and in need of a long shower. As I came out of the bathroom and into the bedroom my wife handed me a small package and said “these are for you. Wear them when you get dressed, eh”. She then went off to get dinner ready.
I opened the parcel with eager curiosity and found a pair of vey sexy panties. I hurriedly put them on. They were of a high waisted, high leg brazillian style made from silk/satin with a lace back and looked/felt amazing instantly. After having a good long look at myself in the mirror I finished dressing and went down for dinner. All through dinner I could feel the sensuous material and couldn’t think about much else. It wasn’t until after we had finished eating that my wife asked if I was wearing her gift and what it felt like. “Yes. And they actually feel quite nice!” I said. She then asked if she could see what they look like on me. We then proceeded to have a memorable evening, of which I won’t elaborate other than to say that my wife found the look and feel of me in my new underwear to be a quite a turn on for her. She also commented that she could tell that I was pretty excited about wearing the panties too! This morning we spoke about the whole experience. We both agreed that it was a successful ‘experiment’ and that we should try it again soon.
My wife said that she’d like us to wear matching/identical panties next time (I agreed to that!) and I said that I’d like to see how it feels to wear stockings with a garter belt too (and she agreed that might be interesting/fun too!). I’m not sure where and how far things might go from here but at the moment it feels like a dream has come true for me. The fact that my wife seemed to genuinely enjoy seeing me dressed in panties, as well as her agreement that I might even try other lingerie items too in the future, is more than I could have ever wished for just a couple of weeks ago.
I’m thinking about subtly introducing her to the Xdress website to see if I/we can include some of the lovely Xdress looks into our experimentation. I’m mindful not to overplay this wonderful hand I have been dealt and will continue to take each step carefully and only occasionally with my wonderful wife.Thanks again for the previous advice (particularly Stevie and Ally). Taking those tentative steps and avoiding a big revelation seems to have worked for me (and more quickly than I could have expected). Rich
Nobody told me how to dress! I choose how I dress (in the main)! I don’t make a decision when I’m working because I wear a uniform and, if I’m completely honest with myself, I probably conform to societal norms in my everyday style more than my ‘true’ self would choose, but I decide how I dress, don’t I? When I’m alone I often dress up in women’s underwear for pleasure. I also occasionally and secretively wear women’s panties under my regular clothes and get a thrill from this. Is this my ‘true’ self? Is this my rejection of being told how to dress and actually deciding for myself outside and beyond accepted ways of dressing? I like to think so but, if I’m completely honest with myself, I haven’t really chosen this either. Although nobody has ‘told’ me that I should dress up in underwear of the opposite sex (I’d probably like it if someone did), and it’s definitely not an adherence to any accepted norms, I don’t think I can actually claim to have ‘decided’ to dress in women’s underwear. It feels more like a compulsion that I can’t resist. It actually feels more like this compulsion has chosen me because, despite many attempts, it’s an urge that I can’t seem to control. When I was younger I thought I was unique and rather odd. I didn’t like this part of myself and felt a large degree of shame, at least when I wasn’t dressed up and attempting to reject this part of myself (when I was dressed up I always felt excited and thrilled with myself in the moment!). More recently, after much soul searching and self analysis, as well as the easy internet availability and access to information on almost any subject (including this one) and connection to others who might share similar ways of living, I have come to a point where I now accept my ‘choice’ to wear women’s underwear, without the feeling of shame. I have chosen to not share this part of me with anyone outside of this forum because I’m not confident that the special people in my life would understand or be accepting of it, after all it took me more than 20 years to accept it myself. I’m definitely going to continue to enjoy the thrill of dressing up in the slinky, sexy, alluring underwear that excites me so much. I’m going to continue to build my collection, particularly my xdress pieces, and I’m definitely going to continue to excitedly plan and choose my outfit when I have the opportunity or when I know won’t be discovered. Nobody told me how to dress, but I haven’t decided either. What I can choose is when I dress… David
Richard! Voila!!! Man I m so happy for you! What an opportunity?!!! I think sometimes our women know something is up. It sounds like she may too! But even if she doesn’t, so what the door is open! Walk thru although i know the urge is to storm thru
What a great day for you and all of us who yearn for the same opportunities
Stevie
Get ur lingerie on!
Progress report! In continuing to follow the advice from Stevie and Ally (and others) I have been alert to any potential conversational springboard that might allow me to continue my previous conversation with my wife about some men (including me!) who wear lingerie. I figured that it would be best if the subject came up ‘naturally’, and not as some sort of declaration or as something that I obviously wanted or needed to talk about, but have been frustrated that not one potential opportunity had arisen since the last conversation. Well, yesterday, my patience paid off! We were watching TV together and on the TV show was an attractive woman who my wife commented about as being transgender. I definitely would not have guessed that this was the case but, as usual, my wife was proven correct by the end of the show. This sparked the following conversation: (Wife) I wonder what you would look like if I dressed you up as a woman (Me) Not very pretty I guess (Wife) I think you might. Maybe we should try sometime (Me) I wouldn’t mind. It would be interesting to find out how it feels to wear a skirt or dress and I’d be really interested to see what it’s like to wear lingerie. (Wife) Lingerie? Really? Why? (Me) Well you know how much I love it when you wear lingerie so I’d quite like to know how it feels to wear it (Wife) Why lingerie particularly? (Me) I don’t know, maybe I’ve always loved the feel of the material when you’re wearing something silky or lacy and would like to experience how that feels on me (Wife) Ok, let’s try it sometime eh. We’d have to buy you something because you’re not going to fit into anything I’ve got. I’ll have a look online and see what I can find (Me) I’ll look forward to it So that’s where things regarding this subject currently are. It looks like I will get an opportunity to dress up in something(?) with my wife pretty soon (depending on how quickly she goes shopping and what she buys!) I’m still pretty nervous about how this will go and if I’ll be able to develop it into an accepted part of our regular lives, but it’s a start and a development I could not have hoped for in my wildest dreams just a few weeks ago. For all those who have been interested in my journey so far – thank you. I will post again when I can update you all Rich
Hi Rich. I have been following your blog and really agree with the comments from Stevie and Ally. Take it in small steps. Find some alone time and always discuss it when you are in a good mood, never depressed, angry or in a bad mood. I have come out as openly gay and also cross dressing and find it is a never ending process. Just take it slow and do it on your terms. Try not to be overwhelming. I would tell her to set aside some quiet alone time free from distractions and say I have something to talk about. That may be the hardest part. I was always surprised at how other people reacted. To my surprise, understanding and very calm. Good Luck and keep us posted. Joanne.
Well that’s a promising start Rich. I’d have thought it a little more promising if she’d said, “It might give the A&E department a bit of a surprise, but that’s their problem” – rather than pointing out the potential embarrassment of the wearer. But there we are, you’ve made a start. I’ll follow your progress with interest. Following up Stevie’s point – yes, I’d love dresses that fit nicely and which I can happily wear outdoors. I have my eye on some nice summer dresses that are shift, pinafore and tunic style – things that don’t have a shaped bust or tight waist. Things that just look natural and will slip over a man’s body – i.e. broad shoulders and no waist. It shouldn’t be much to ask should it? Until later. Good luck Rich Ally x
Richard
Hi
Yes slow dips into the pool will probably work better
As far as the accident goes, the ER workers have seen it all!
Thanks for the support Ally and Stevie, and your interest. I’ve taken on board your advice and comments and have decided to approach any explanation of my lingerie wearing desires to my wife with small tentative steps rather than a full wholehearted disclosure. To that end, I did slip into conversation with my wife just yesterday that I had read something about some men who have a preference for wearing women’s panties instead of boxers and that this is more common than people would expect! Her response? She simply commented that it doesn’t matter what people wear as long as they’re comfortable, but that it could be a bit embarrassing for them if they had an accident and had to go to hospital! I haven’t progressed this conversation any further with her yet but will probably try to over the coming days. Thanks again (I will update you further in due course) Rich
On outerwear
I like the idea of outerwear from xdress, because they make clothes for men in man proportions which target wont have! They cater to us with styles and fabrics we like
So i m for outerwear
On the outerwear
One reason i d like to see xdress do outerwear is that they make clothes for men in our sizes in our shapes and proportions! Target makes dresses in the proportions for women
Just a thought
Be sexy and beautiful in lingerie
Stevie
Please don’t do outerwear. You can buy outerwear literally anywhere! Xdress’s sexy lingerie is one of a kind. Ally try going to Target for outwear. They have cute stuff.
Anxious to see your response Richard! Remember this is a safe space to discuss this incredibly volatile topic!
Stevie
To Richard (Thanks Ally) your advice is even more thorough and insightful than mine and on point! The other risk is if she finds out by accident!!!! Oh boy thats even worse! Read Allys carefully and take heed if u can
Stevie
Hi Richard – it’s a big risk. However open minded and adventurous your wife might seem, seeing her husband in lingerie and knowing he is excited (aroused?) by wearing it might be one adventure too far for her. As usual, Stevie has some sage advice. Perhaps even introduce the element specific to you by explaining it was something you felt when you were ten. What you feel now might come after that. Is telling her worth the risk to your relationship? Does her not knowing actually do your relationship any harm? Is the burden of secrecy something you can or cannot bear? More delicate yet, is your sexual relationship suffering because your lingerie and heel wearing is more exciting than unattired sex with her? This latter point may (just may) may be the bigger issue for you and ultimately require a gentle, but difficult conversation – with an unpredictable outcome. Your wife doesn’t have to accept you dressing in lingerie any more or less than she should have to accept you being excited (aroused?) by you dressing as Darth Vader. I think people are entitled to secrets if no harm is being caused. Can you manage your dressing to your satisfaction with no harm to you or her? Or can you gauge her response by gently trying out her views? And is your dressing and her knowing about it more important than the possible consequences for your relationship? Life is rarely straightforward. Ally x
Noooooo
Dont do the surprise thing
First be ready for lots of questions! About ur sexuality, sex changes, trans etc even the gay question .
Figure out y u do it to the best of your ability
Gauge ur wife by discussing trans issues in the news
She may b accepting of others but not her “manly man”
Once u decide to do it
Sit her down tell her how much u live her
That u don’t want to change sexes unless u do
That u cant keep things from her
And the tell her as gently as
Possible
Show her this site and other good blogs that dont give this a perverted slant
Hold is gonna be bumpy
We re here to help
I really enjoyed reading this blog and all of the comments and would welcome any advice. I have been secretively wearing lingerie since the age of 10 or 11 and have been through many cycles of denial, resistance and confusion about my 30+ year secret. I think that I have now come to a point where I have accepted my compulsion to wear lingerie, although I really don’t understand why I feel such excitement when I dress up, particularly anything made from satin. With my acceptance of the lingerie wearing side of me, I have now developed a strong feeling and need to share my secret with my wife (I have been married for 8 years). I would love to be able to feel comfortable being dressed up when I’m with her but really don’t know how to bring the topic up. I’m also really worried about how she might react, even though she is the most open minded and adventurous women I’ve ever known. I’m sitting here wearing satin panties and suspenders with some glossy stockings and 6” heels and am strongly tempted to stay dressed up for when my wife gets home from work, but I just know that I’ll lose the courage to before she returns! Any help or shared experiences would be great. Thanks, Rich
Good call Stevie A knee length cotton summer dress with long puff sleeves, a high neck and in the same pattern as the Xdress Katy underwear sets would be nice. Or maybe one a little sorter in the same pattern or plain black. Ally x
Ally I m with you, xdress, ur next step is outerwear
I would love for Xdress to come out with a bridal collection. I think that would be so much fun to fulfill that fantasy.
XX
Joey
It’s great that Xdress provides such beautiful and sexy lingerie for men. All the styles and materials I’ve always dreamed of – and it fits my male body. I just wish I could get everyday outerwear that did the same thing. Buying women’s sizes is so hit and miss. What fits in one place doesn’t fit in another. Xdress does some really sexy skirts and dresses and I have a few. Something I can wear out during the day would be nice though. Ally x
I am a Gay submissive genetic male who loves dressing en feme and my male partners love me to be feminine and to perform the girl’s role and we are very happy to have Exdress as my habituary
Thanks Stevie, I know how lucky I am to have my wife on board, in fact she loves me to dress up as much as, if not more, than I do. I’d encourage anyone to try and share their love of wearing lingerie with their SO because, if they’re accepting of it or, even better, if they enjoy it too, it helps create or enhance the most intimate and loving relationship. I have found the whole experience with my wife liberating because I no longer feel the need to hide this part of me or feel embarrassed or ashamed of it as I have in the past. The benefits for her? She tells me that she loves the definite increase in passion when we’re intimate whilst I’m dressed up and, even though I definitely don’t have a feminine body, she tells me that she finds the whole effect of me wearing lingerie incredibly sexy to see and touch.
John
I feel ya
Cudos to u and ur wife
Especially her
I too can’t really explain my proclivity for dressing feminine but oh how i love it
Cant say my wife is on board but glad urs is
Get ur lingerie on
I did
Stevie