Hi. Was wondering how one finds a place/bar/rest/ where this type of activity is accepted/welcomed? I just moved to a small town in west Tenn and unless u go to Memphis or Nashville ur… Ug Help?;) thx (Tammie);) I’m not passable or full fem just part time lol
There is not a single place on the planet where it's guaranteed that you will be completely welcomed and accepted by everyone there, every time you visit.
The problem with stores, restaurants, cafes, bars, and everywhere else is that they are run and managed and frequented by people. And every person has their own opinions about everything and everyone. Sometimes those opinions will be about transgender and nonbinary people.
Case in point. There used to be a little wig boutique in Minneapolis that I used to visit. The first time I went there I had amazing service. The wig fitter could not have been kinder to me. It was lovely, but I kind of expected that a business where transgender women frequented would be used to, and welcoming to, girls like me. However, the next time I went I had horrible service. The clerk could not have been ruder to me. Of course, I have no idea if they hated transwomen or if they were just unpleasant in general, but it was a reminder that the business itself is just a business. The store itself is just a building. Your experiences are solely shaped by the people IN the building.
Even though someone is a member of the LGBTQ+ community, it doesn't mean that you will only have (likely) positive experiences at LGBTQ+ places. One of my favorite lingerie boutiques in the world could not be nicer to me. The theatre I go to often has the most wonderful staff. The ushers always say hi and always welcome me back. There are coffee shops that know me by my first name because I go there so often.
It's less about the business, but more about finding the right people. And you can only find that out if you actually go there. If you go somewhere and have a terrible experience, then don't go back. If you have the time of your life then visit them again.
Love, Hannah
4 comments
Yes, you can only find out about a place if you actually go there. Several years ago I used to spend my Saturday afternoons in Lincoln (The original Lincoln, in England) At the time I crossdressed openly but carefully when i went out. Nothing blatant just simple, well fitting neutral coloured clothes which anyone could buy in local shops and larger supermarkets. I always wore sensible, genderless shoes, never high heels, wore my own, quite long hair in a pony tail and only eye makeup and unpainted applied fingernails. I carried a small handbag and made no secret of the fact that I was male – my voice gave me away anyway and mostly was accepted for who I was and In a little over two years all I ever got were a few rude remarks, a lot of curious glances and even more smiles and cheerful grins. It was only when I made myself known on “social media” that the nasty, spiteful and downright disgusting verbal abuse started. Now I mostly only Underdress when I go out and have no presence anywhere online. So I would say, choose your friends carefully, choose the places you visit even more carefully and stay off the internet at least in any way which could identify you. And if you are just starting out, be extra careful. It is a big step and there are a lot of very nasty people about. Mick
Hannah, I LOVE your blog! You are so insightful.
Maybe a repeat but
Try subtle things first
Like
Make up
Femme sweater with femme jeans
Pedicure with colored polish
Underdress panties bra
What i do
Because I m not out and not passable and dont try to be but want to push the envelope when I m out in public
I wear women’s jeans and sweaters and underdress
Light makeup
(Foundation concealer lip gloss)
Nail polish
It s not full out but lets me dress a little femme when i m out