Hi Hannah, how long have you dressed and how often do you go out dressed up?
I have been wearing femme clothes for my entire life. I have two sisters and I tried on their clothes every chance I had. This was all done in secret and to this day I can't believe I wasn't caught. When I was old enough to drive and buy my own clothes, I mostly wore panties under my boy clothes. When I had my first apartment, I had the opportunity to dress without the risk of being caught. Lingerie and nightgowns were added to my closet (but the constant cycle of purging and buying new clothes would occur for about ten years). At this time I identified as a crossdresser as I believed that all of *this* was just about clothes. I didn't think about gender identity very much. In fact, gender identity wasn't really something I was aware of. You were either a boy or a girl and your gender was only about what was between your legs, not what was in your heart. I was, simply, a boy who wore girl clothes.
When I was in my early twenties I heard the word 'transgender' and was intrigued by a new (well, new to me) term to describe one's gender identity. All of a sudden gender wasn't binary. There was a third option. At the time, transgender was mostly used to describe someone who had what was referred to as a "sex change". Thankfully this is now called "gender affirming surgery". I didn't know how inclusive "transgender" could be.
I started to add makeup, wigs, and proper clothes when I was in my early thirties and haven't looked back since. I started to identify as transgender (but in a more nuanced way I am bi-gender). The T Word makes some of us a little nervous but again, I feel this is a very inclusive term. Being transgender doesn't necessarily mean someone is taking estrogen or legally changing their name and/or gender. This may be an oversimplification but I feel identifying as transgender can be someone who wears panties under their boy clothes as well as someone who dolls up from head to toe, either every day or on occasion. I think if you are someone who was assigned male at birth but enjoys wearing clothes that some people consider "girl clothes", then you fall under the transgender umbrella but it's your decision as to how you choose to identify (if you choose this at all).
Gender is a spectrum. We are all on the spectrum.
I wear girl clothes ALL THE TIME now. Nightgowns for sleeping, leggings around the house, and panties under my boy clothes when I go to work or when I am around family. I go out two to three times a month completely dressed (wig to stilettos and everything in between).
Love, Hannah
5 comments
I have never been out dressed up, but would really like to try. I’ve learnt to do my makeup pretty well and have invested in some well fitting, beautiful outfits and a good quality wig. I can look quite passable (at least from a distance!) but despite having the intention to go out, sometimes after spending hours getting ready, something always stops me. My wife accepts that I wear panties and lingerie but doesn’t like to see me fully dressed up, so I don’t dress up often, and only do so when I’m on my own. I travel to different places for work and so the opportunity is always there when I’m away working for a night or two. Any advice or other’s experiences would be really welcome.
Thanks for the nice story. I’m still exploring wearing panty’s and bras who are filled last I had a bad commit when wearing the bra they told me publicly not to wear they wanted to see a man and not a trans
This is such an interesting blog. How we identify ourselves clearly has great significance to our self-acceptance, self-confidence and self-expression. I don’t think that labels are ever helpful but we’re all generally guilty of using them, even towards ourselves. Like you, I’ve been wearing femme clothes for what feels like my whole life. Like you, I “borrowed” things from my sisters to feed my compulsion to dress up (I can’t believe I was never discovered too!). I spent most of my teens and twenties trying to figure out what this all meant about my identity. At that time the language and labels connected to men who wear femme clothes was limited, and none of them felt suited to me. At times I wondered if it all meant that deep down I was ‘transexual’ and therefore should actually want to become a girl. This was the main understanding of this label at the time, but the idea of a ‘sex change’ was never a proposition that had any interest to me. Most of the time I’m happy with my identity as a boy, but sometimes I just like to dress up as a girl. None of the other labels seemed to fit me. I wasn’t transexual, I wasn’t a transvestite, I wasn’t gay, and I wasn’t a crossdresser. I’ve stopped trying to understand myself using any of the regular categorisations. I identity as a man, but I’m a man who sometimes wears femme underwear and lingerie under my male clothes. I no longer try to look for a reason why I do this other than it feels good and I like it. Sometimes I get completely dressed up (wig, heels, outfits, makeup, etc.), but again I’ve stopped looking for any explanation. It’s simply just an enjoyable thing to do, and maybe a bit of escapism. Losing the need to define my identity with the fact that I like wearing femme clothes has been liberating. It’s given me the self-understanding and self-confidence to be open about it with my wife and to embrace this aspect of my personality. So far this has been a long journey for me, and one that still has some distance to go. I’ve recently started getting my legs waxed every few weeks (simply because stockings and pantyhose look and feel so much better on smooth skin) and I now under-dress most days (probably because now that my wife knows I wear lingerie, I don’t need to hide it). My next big step regards my confidence to go out when I’m dressed up en-femme. I’ve not been brave enough to do this yet but, if my confidence allows me to try, I hope that it will have no reflection on my identity beyond the idea that I’m a man who enjoys dressing up and having a bit of fun. If other people want to label me that probably says more about them than me, and should have no bearing on my sence of identity.
Great blog Hannah! Love the definition. Wear panties all the time and love it!
excellent summation of where most of us find ourselves