It’s A Man’s World
A friend of mine recently sent me a link to a women’s clothing maker who touts a new design of women’s shirts. Their claim to fame is that the shirt they have designed is a man’s shirt tailored to accommodate the shape of a woman, without feminizing the shirt. Upon deeper thought, it occurred to me that this shirt makes a much broader statement.
When a little girl likes to play football, climb trees, and play typically male games, what is she called? She’s called a tomboy, and this is not a negative label – it’s usually said with a smile, as in “She’s such a little tomboy.” If a little boy likes to play with dolls and play with little girls what is he called? He’s called a sissy, and it is not at all positive – it is pejorative.
If a career woman is decisive and aggressive, she is admired. If a career man is sensitive, prone to tears, and displays emotion, he isn’t going to climb the corporate pyramid very far. Not long ago, I was in a business meeting. One of the ranking executives (male) came into the room wearing a very nice gray pinstripe suit with a light blue turtleneck shirt. Following him was his executive assistant (female) wearing a brown pinstripe suit and orange turtleneck shirt. (I privately labeled them as Thing One and Thing Two – as in Dr. Seuss’s Cat in the Hat). When the lady came in dressed in that suit, no one gasped; no one reacted at all. I thought to myself, “I wonder how they’d react if I came in wearing a skirt and blouse?”
If you are reading this, odds are that you enjoy wearing feminine things. That’s what Xdress and Body Aware are all about. Chances are also that you are very discreet about wearing your lovely lingerie. Being gender fluid, we are painfully aware of the double standard in our society that says women can dress like men, but men absolutely cannot dress like women. It kind of goes back to the childhood scenario of tomboy (good) versus sissy (bad).
What does all this say? Basically, male good, female bad. Gloria Steinem, the patron saint of feminism, apparently didn’t get quite as far as she hoped. Essentially, she managed to get women to emulate men in order to excel in the corporate world and beyond. One thing good that did come out of the feminism movement was equal pay for women, and that is a very good thing. It puzzles me that what Steinem championed was called “feminism”. It is anything but. A more appropriate label would be “masculinism,” as the movement puts down all things feminine, and being a traditional girly girl is not a good thing.
My wife struggled with ascending in the corporate world and finally did what she was destined to do all along – she left it and set up her own business. Happy to say, she is very successful and she is very feminine. In her frustration, she sighed and said, “Honey, it’s a man’s world.” How true those words are.
So what does all this mean to you and me? First of all, we aren’t going to change society. As the saying goes, it is what it is. While we aren’t going to change society, don’t let society change you. As I’ve walked deeper into the feminine side that is a part of me, I’ve never been happier and my marriage is the best it has ever been. When I stepped out of the binary male and embraced those traits that are typically associate with females – patient, kind, nurturing, listening, supportive – our marriage began soaring to new heights. When I embraced who I truly am, my wife said on a number of occasions, “What did you do with my husband?” and she meant this in a very positive way. Because you and I have chosen to be true to who we are, it does put us in a rather precarious position with our society, but for me it has been well worth it. Move on, dear friends, from the constraints of our society and celebrate who you are. Enjoy those panties with all their wonderful fabrics, textures, and designs. Luxuriate in those camisoles (the Xdress Glistening Satin Camisole is my absolute favorite), and enjoy the feel of your beautiful bras with all the lace and bows. Who you are is neither good nor bad – it is unique. Let’s celebrate that uniqueness and be who we know ourselves to be!
Angie, Guest Blogger
It is a man’s world and it is changing very quickly. As a white male, I feel like I cannot say anything without someone saying “You wouldn’t understand.” Yes, I grew up slightly privileged in a suburban neighborhood with above average schools. But I also grew up with this hidden secret of cross dressing which was taboo until recently. I think we should support each other and spend more time building people up and helping people out than tearing them down. This is where society could grow. I also see many women tear each other apart before helping them along. I try to view people from their lens, is it perfect? No and I sometimes slip but often if I am successful it brings a better perspective and clearer understanding of their plight and I understand their issues slightly better. All we can do is try and each generation will be better than the one before. I know my generation is better than my parents were and my kids will be better than me. We will and can build a better world but unfortunately it takes time and cannot be implemented overnight. So help people along in their struggles, smile to people you don’t know and treat everyone with kindness. We don’t know their burdens or struggles or mental health. Especially now a days. Peace, love and happiness! (And a dose of XDress panties from time to time….preferably daily!)
Thanks Angie you have been such a great addition to this site
I loved your reply – it was so positive! Definitely we need to support any of our sorority that gets outed. You mentioned skinny jeans, pretty bras, and panties. I wear those every day, and no one is the wiser. Even as I type this, I’m sitting here in a woman’s top, pink camisole, Xdress bra, Xdress panties and women’s skinny jeans. The top is androgynous enough not to call attentions. Oh, and I’m wearing CZ stud earrings and a woman’s watch. The trick is to know how to dress with stealth. As long as your wife is onboard, you’d be amazed at the things you can wear. And, of coarse, the underdressing in Xdress and Body Aware lingerie is incredible. For now, the 4" pumps would probably be a bit controversial. You won’t see me in them because I’d likely break an ankle! Thanks again for your reply, and keep that sunny disposition shining!
I love this site, not only for the clothing but because it lets me know that there are other people like me.
This blog is fantastic!
Its a non pornographic place for us to be comfortable with ourselves our sexuality and our love of lingerie.
Some of us ate just men who love lingerie and feeling sexy; our male clothes just dint allow us to do that. We’re not all gay we just like feeling good and looking good.
Some are gay, Good! Some are fluid good
We are just human beings
We love lingerie and we live feeling good looking pretty
I cant wait till that day when I can put on some skinny jeans my 4 inch red suede pumps a nice top and pretty matching bra ans panties and go out like I want to
Stay strong my friends and push the envelope as much as your situation allows
And when one of us is outed against our will lets support each other
Keri and Christopher, thanks for your replies. Obviously, both of you share the enjoyment I have of wearing satiny, pretty things underneath while presenting as male to the outside world. I have always loved sitting in a meeting with alpha males and feeling the soft caress of a camisole, panties, and bra under my power suit. Keri, if are concerned about wearing a bra in public, look at the Xdress and Body Aware bras. Under a heavier thread dress shirt, you can’t tell, but they feel oh so good!
Like the last post I also enjoy my feminine side. In the last few years I have begun to enjoy it even more. There is something about having that secret of what is worn under my male clothing. When I walk I can sometimes feel the silkiness of my panties and it is wonderful. I don’t wear bras but I can only imagine that feeling the bra hug you has to be equally as enjoyable. For those of us that wear garter belts now and then I can only say to me they are a total distraction. Of the best kind of course. I wish that XDRESS existed when I was young. You are doing a great job liberating males. Long overdue. Thank you.
Thanks for your comment, Paul. No, you are far from the only one that loves pretty lingerie. How else could great stores like Xdress and Body Aware exist? We must be pretty close in age, because I remember all the clothes you mentioned and, like you, I loved them! I also remember how excited my mom was about the revolution in men’s dress, and she encouraged me to go for it. She’s been gone for a long time now, but I think she would flow with the gender fluid person I have become. Paul, you are no freak, but I’ll be sissies with you!
I was delighted In the 60’s when mens fashion began to change. Yes, and I was called a “sissy” , among other names. Despite that, I wore men’s shirts that had ruffled cuffs, shirts that we’re see-thru, shirts that had puffy sleeves, scarves around my neck, pants and jackets made of velvet. I wore granny glasses, and it was becoming fashionable for men ( other than pirates) to wear earrings. And color- color in men’s wear! Mens fashion was becoming softer and feminine, though the justification was " look what Louis XIV wore". It was just a fad, sadly not enough to revolutionize the clothing world or folks view point that is is acceptable for men to wear skirts, dresses, stilettos in public , to shop or work. Thank goodness for Xdress, their fabulous team, amazing products, allowing us to have beautiful lingerie, and an amazing Blog, where we can share, connect, and where you can still call me a sissy— and some of those other name, but you can no longer call me a freak because I know I am not the only guy who loves wearing lingerie.
Thank you for your response, and I appreciate your thinking. I think our views may be driven by our locations. I am in a very conservative area of the country, and to dress as I would choose would invite criticism at best and assault at the worst. I hope your very optimistic view is what will prove to be the reality. I would truly love to walk out to a restaurant with my beautiful lady, dressed in a nice skirt and blouse (both of us). Create that norm and that change, dear sister!
While I agree with ’don’t let society change you’ I do not agree with ’ First of all, we aren’t going to change society. As the saying goes, it is what it is.’
Society everyday is changing and to say it won’t is a pretty narrow view. Society changes as more exposure and understanding is given to something. We create the norm and we create change.