Finding Your Groove


Greetings, my dear readers. Today I’d like to share a few thoughts with you about the journey that we find ourselves on as we explore the more full sense of who we are. What I mean by that rather wordy sentence is that we all started from a certain point in our sense of who we are and are now, in most likelihood, at a different point.

I’ve read enough accounts on the internet to know that some of us began exploring feminine clothing at a very young age, thanks to moms, sisters, and their panty drawer and closet. Very commonly, I have found that those early explorers typically put off all things feminine when reaching puberty and an interest in girls began, and then putting it off further during the early adult years, with establishing careers, marriages, and children, only to return to the desire to explore their feminine selves as they got older.

Others, like me, didn’t really feel free to embrace their sense of the femme self until later in life. Looking back, I find that Angie was peeking out in ways I didn’t know. When the other guys in grade school and high school were playing the drums, tuba, and trumpet, I was drawn to the flute in the 4th grade and fell in love with it. Other guys wore jeans and tee shirts. I wore color-coordinated designer clothes. Other guys were in to rough sports. I was into the arts. Angie was, indeed, peeking out all those developmental years, although I had yet to make her acquaintance.


I don’t know how it was for you, but when I finally had the courage to start actually wearing feminine lingerie, I pretty much overdid it. My panties were the laciest, pinkest, and most flamboyant. When I started outer dressing, my skirts were the shortest, my blouses the most lacy and flounced. Over the years, my taste has moderated to that of a more sedate style, both in lingerie and outer dress. In other words, over the years, I have found my groove.



In talking with others of the gender fluid persuasion, I find this is a fairly typical pattern. We tend to overcompensate at first as we are discovering this missing part of ourselves and, over time, start finding our comfort zone – that place that feels truly to reflect who we are. We are all, male and female, on a continuum from the extreme male (macho man) to the extreme female (girly girl). All of us, male and female, fall somewhere along that continuum. If you are reading this, chances are about 100% that you are not at the macho man end of the spectrum. So where do you fall in the male –female continuum? Only you can really answer that. There is a survey you can take, the COGIATI (Combined Gender Identity and Transsexuality Inventory) that may give you some idea of where you are on the scale from macho man to girly girl, however I will caution you that there is some question and debate as to the validity of the COGIATI inventory, due to inherent bias.

I am very fortunate to be married to a lady that is gender fluid as well. She can dress up as a beautiful and very feminine woman, but is equally comfortable in a flannel shirt, jeans, and work boots. I call her Andi when she is in butch mode, hailing from the BBC TV show, Handy Andy, in the late 1990’s and early 2000’s. She loves to work on the house and in the yard in her Andi outfits. We both understand each other to be basically male and female, but celebrate that there is so much more to both of us and this understanding has made our relationship so much richer.

So back to the main thread of this blog, have you found your groove? Do you know where you fall on the spectrum from macho man to girly girl, or are you still exploring? If you haven’t found your groove – that place where you belong between male and female, no worries. The exploration is half the fun! And oh the shopping that involves!

So get those keyboards rattling. I would love to hear your thoughts and to hear about your journey. Have you found your groove, or are you still a courageous explorer?

Fond regards,



Hi Randy Hi Rachel
Glad we have support from the gay community and glad to hear there are some other guys into heels
I let a friend see me one time in heels and a dress and she said I looked really good-wow a woman accepting my xdressing

Said she could handle it IF she knew ahead of time and wasn’t SURPRISED later in the relationship AND she said around the house I could wear whatever made me happy

So there are some women who can deal with it!



Stevie April 10, 2019

I started with my mom’s and sisters pantyhose at about eleven years old. I haven’t stopped. Addicted, at this point in life, to wearing panties, cute socks, all kinds of hosiery, pantyhose, stockings, thigh highs, tights, and knee highs. Also love leotards, tight fitting women’s clothing like bodycon dresses and leggings. Women’s shoes too!

Thanks for this blog.

Rachel April 09, 2019

Hi Everyone: This is a great blog to share ideas and stories. My groove started when I was in my teens. Started by wearing my mother’s gloves and high heels. Eventually “graduated” to playing with her make-up. When she caught me, she started buying me my own and we would put on make-up together. Discovered that her clothes fit me perfectly and was totally supportive of my crossdressing.
Got out of dressing for a few years and got back in after discovering all the related online resources. I am definitely not alone! I find wearing satin panties and bra comfortable and above all relaxing. Usually on days off I totally cross dress around the house. I find that my posture is better when I wear high heels, I also use a purse—with all the stuff we have to carry around now—wallet, car keys, planner, cell phone, cigarettes(I am a smoker) there is just not enough pocket space to go around. One big difference from some of the other bloggers—I am openly gay.
In all honesty—coming out of the closet was easier than coming out as a crossdresser.
Always interested in hearing other comments!

Randy April 08, 2019

Pray tell how did you introduce her to this side of you?

Stevie April 08, 2019

Grady, thanks so much for your response. I’m glad you got beyond black, white, and gray in the colors of your panties. There are so many amazing colors and fabrics to enjoy! I’m so glad to hear that your lady embraces you feminine side. Like you, I am blessed with a lady that celebrates my feminine side with me. We are so fortunate! Wear something pretty, my dear.


Angie April 08, 2019

Another great topic! I was a late arrival to this facet of my personality. But, i wear daily, and depending on what I’m doing at work, rivals the color I may select. My Miss supports this, and loves laying out my panties for the day, if she’s so inspired to do so. But, she always does a once over before I get dressed. Like many here, I love the thigh highs, panties, garters, and bras I wear while going about my daily routine. I used to stick to the sedate colors, black, whites and grays, but now find that I love color! Almost like the louder the color, the bigger the satisfaction while wearing them. And like many here, just a heterosexual male that appreciates his feminine connection!

Grady April 08, 2019

My dear readers, you are amazing! Thank you for your responses to this blog. So well thought out, and so sharing in your experiences. Stevie, you are far from alone, and you aren’t a freak by any measure – you are beautifully you. I’m glad you have found your groove! Nathan, if Goth is your thing, more power to you. I’ve got to tell you that the only place where we part company is in the wearing of high heels. I’m such a klutz I would surely break both ankles! Robyn, I’m sorry your wife isn’t accepting, but give her some time. Wives eventually come around if handled gently and slowly. I’m glad you have a female bestie you can share with. That is absolutely solid gold. You might want to refer to my blog, “Getting the Wife Onboard” for some tips on coming out to your wife. Best of luck, my dear sister. Andrew, I’ll just bet your panties are prettier than your female coworkers. As Stevie would say, “Wear something pretty”. Enjoy! Pauley, I’m glad you found that special lady to share in this wonderful experience with you. I share your passion for panties, bras, and sleepwear. The pantyhose you can keep – I find them really uncomfortable. Perhaps someone will come up with pantyhose designed for the male physique? Dean, thanks for your post. I think it is always reassuring to most of us of the gender fluid persuasion to know that there are men out there in such trades as construction that have a love for feminine lingerie. I have corresponded with men in the military, police force, fire fighters, and many professions which only goes to reaffirm the notion that 1) we aren’t a bunch of weirdos, and 2) are far from alone in our embracing of our feminine selves. Thank goodness for XD and BA to provide a community for us, and lovely lingerie!

Fond regards,

Angie April 06, 2019

This blog is much like how my life has gone, moms, sisters things and now wifes, MILs or my things. I am a str8 man, worked construction but still loved to wear sexy feminine lingerie, and still do. There are many mens lingerie things out there that are sexy but wearing womens things is a whole different experience for me anyway.

Dean April 06, 2019

Pauley I feel you
The clothes do something to us; they make us feel something; relaxed, complete, sexy, whole. For those that don’t understand Its hard to explain why a man Genetically would wear lace and satin or silk
Oh well!
Rock on
Wear something pretty today I did
Lace panties

Stevie April 05, 2019

Once again great blog Angie.

From my start at a young age, for which has been posted before, started with a mixed up Christmas gift not meant for me originally but probably a gift of fate. From the moment trying on girls panties I was hooked. The feeling, look, comfort, and excitement brought out the fem side of me. Since than I wore panty type male briefs or vanity fairs all through high school and college. Telling my family and friends that this is what I preferred in undergarments and it was not weird or anything else. I have always had to explain my choice to others and girlfriends but never stopped wearing panties. As I got older, I started to wear other fem lingerie at night and under my male clothes. As Stevie said this helped me in many ways with stress and connecting more with this side of me. I am a heterosexual male that feels complete in panties, bras, pantyhose, and sexy sleep wear. I embrace everyone’s free choice to be who they are without any judgement. I cannot imagine being any other way. I have found that special woman who enjoys this side of me and shares in my choice. I wear only panties, many of them from XD, I sleep in nighties, wear an occasional bra and garters now, and enjoy this side of me with those I love. I found my groove, maybe not as others or even as fashionable outwear, but it works for me. I love shopping for lingerie in public and online and enjoy trying on new sexy items to this day. So groove on and as Stevie says … wear something pretty today … I am.

Pauley April 05, 2019

Hi guys! Today I am at work! I’m wearing my ivory lace panties and bra!I think…Probably, my panties are more beautiful than panties of my female colleagues!It makes me laugh!It is so cute!It is cool!

Andrew April 05, 2019

Angie this blog really hit the spot with me. I also discovered my inside woman late in life, although in retrospect approaches by gay/bi men happened when I was younger and I regret not recognizing and possibly acting on them before I married. Like you, I started off thinking I wanted to go out en femme but now it’s mostly for private moments.Satin/lace panties and camisole for just feeling good and relaxing, stockings and garters for an intense feminine feeling. My wife could not handle knowing about the crossdressing so I have to keep that from her, but I have a woman bestie who I can discuss everything with, and several other women who know about it, which helps me feel less alone. I come out 150/4 on the test: I just have to accept what I am and deal with it/enjoy it, no point taking hormones at this age> Thanks for this blog, It really made me feel less alone.

Robyn April 05, 2019

Love your comments,,,,,,,,,,,,wish I had been as fortunate.

Jack April 05, 2019

Great blog, Angie. It is not often we get to share our fashion tastes outside of the few individuals in our life that know of our dressing.

When I first started, I would just wear anything I could get my hands on. This ranged from panties, pantyhose, high heels, and skirts primarily. It didnt matter the color or the style, if I could wear it I would put it on.

Now that I dress daily and can buy my own clothes, I wear clothing of the gothic nature. I love black for just about everything. As such, I wear black eyeliner and nail polish, and lipstick occasionally.

When it comes to tops, it’s all about lace, mesh, and velvet. I have several blouses with mesh or lace sleeves, as well as some plain mesh tops primarily used for layering underneath short sleeve tops.

Dresses are the same story. Right now I only have plain asymmetric dresses, as well as a satin skater dress. I definitely plan to get more with mesh, lace, and velvet in the future.

For skirts, I typically prefer skater and maxi styles as they are able to be worn without tucking.

I also love leggings with studs or straps, although I also enjoy plain black or designed patterns as well.

I love my heels to be at least 4" or higher, and currently have 3 pairs of high heels within that category. I also have satin thigh high boots, leather knee highs, and some leather booties with a shorter heel for when I am doing a lot of walking.

My lingerie is almost exclusively black, again with lace and satin being the primary style for my panties and robes.

I do enjoy rich, deep colors however. This includes burgundy, purple, and dark browns. I have these colors for several lingerie items and plan to buy makeup and outerwear of the same colors.

Anyway, that is my groove. I have only been dressing/buying clothes for 6 months, so my wardrobe isn’t the most extensive. That will certainly change in the future.

Thank you for giving me and others the opportunity to share our style with others.

Oh how lovely it is to be fully dressed in a lace top, maxi skirt, black hosiery, and high heels.

Nathan April 05, 2019

Ok here goes…
My journey started at about 8 yrs old and it started with high heels
I was fascinated by them and my mom wore lots of them with open toe vamps
So i put them on and I was hooked. It progressed to nail polish pantyhose then panties then full dress
But by 12-18 it lessened resurfacing here and there and lets be honest: it had a sexual connotation to it.

Fast forward to college and almost nothing except when i came home; then a quick dabble with as much as I could get away with.

Very little xdressing until i got married and dressing became a stress reliever. I discovered the internet and i was hooked. I explored and researched to finally find out what was going on with me. Oh the guilt and the shame !
Well I figured some things out
1 i m not alone
2 i m not a freak ( well sort of)
3 i m not gay or bi (nothing wrong with that)
4 its ok to do what i do and not be forced to be a woman i can do it as a man and be heterosexual

So i have found my groove
And what is that?

I m a heterosexual male that loves lingerie on me or on a woman
I like wearing pretty things sexy lingerie
Including panties bras camis baby dolls etc
I like my toes pretty with polish and wearing high heels skinny jeans

Thanks to xd and BA for the lingerie and the blog
Thanks Angie

Thats my groove!
Wear something pretty today

Stevie April 04, 2019

Stevie, as always, I’ll look very forward to reading your more developed post. You always have great responses. Paulena, so good to hear from you, my dear. As I said in my blog, the COGOATI is a bit controversial, regarding validity, so I wouldn’t give it a second thought. You are who you are, and who you are is wonderful, in my humble opinion!

Fond regards,

Angie April 03, 2019

I scored 165 on the COGIATI Test. According to the test, I am transgender and should seek a counselor. I know myself, and do not consider myself transgender. I do not, nor am I interested in becoming a woman. I am me. I am happy. I am sad. I am a male. I am a female. And it is all excellent to me!

Paulena April 02, 2019

Dear Angie
I anticipate these oosts from you like a man needing water in the desert
I ll need some time to fully express my answer to tjis topic but i have found my groove and I’ll elaborate when i have more time

Stevie April 01, 2019

Leave a comment

All comments are moderated before being published