Finding Your Groove


Greetings, my dear readers. Today I’d like to share a few thoughts with you about the journey that we find ourselves on as we explore the more full sense of who we are. What I mean by that rather wordy sentence is that we all started from a certain point in our sense of who we are and are now, in most likelihood, at a different point.

I’ve read enough accounts on the internet to know that some of us began exploring feminine clothing at a very young age, thanks to moms, sisters, and their panty drawer and closet. Very commonly, I have found that those early explorers typically put off all things feminine when reaching puberty and an interest in girls began, and then putting it off further during the early adult years, with establishing careers, marriages, and children, only to return to the desire to explore their feminine selves as they got older.

Others, like me, didn’t really feel free to embrace their sense of the femme self until later in life. Looking back, I find that Angie was peeking out in ways I didn’t know. When the other guys in grade school and high school were playing the drums, tuba, and trumpet, I was drawn to the flute in the 4th grade and fell in love with it. Other guys wore jeans and tee shirts. I wore color-coordinated designer clothes. Other guys were in to rough sports. I was into the arts. Angie was, indeed, peeking out all those developmental years, although I had yet to make her acquaintance.


I don’t know how it was for you, but when I finally had the courage to start actually wearing feminine lingerie, I pretty much overdid it. My panties were the laciest, pinkest, and most flamboyant. When I started outer dressing, my skirts were the shortest, my blouses the most lacy and flounced. Over the years, my taste has moderated to that of a more sedate style, both in lingerie and outer dress. In other words, over the years, I have found my groove.



In talking with others of the gender fluid persuasion, I find this is a fairly typical pattern. We tend to overcompensate at first as we are discovering this missing part of ourselves and, over time, start finding our comfort zone – that place that feels truly to reflect who we are. We are all, male and female, on a continuum from the extreme male (macho man) to the extreme female (girly girl). All of us, male and female, fall somewhere along that continuum. If you are reading this, chances are about 100% that you are not at the macho man end of the spectrum. So where do you fall in the male –female continuum? Only you can really answer that. There is a survey you can take, the COGIATI (Combined Gender Identity and Transsexuality Inventory) that may give you some idea of where you are on the scale from macho man to girly girl, however I will caution you that there is some question and debate as to the validity of the COGIATI inventory, due to inherent bias.

I am very fortunate to be married to a lady that is gender fluid as well. She can dress up as a beautiful and very feminine woman, but is equally comfortable in a flannel shirt, jeans, and work boots. I call her Andi when she is in butch mode, hailing from the BBC TV show, Handy Andy, in the late 1990’s and early 2000’s. She loves to work on the house and in the yard in her Andi outfits. We both understand each other to be basically male and female, but celebrate that there is so much more to both of us and this understanding has made our relationship so much richer.

So back to the main thread of this blog, have you found your groove? Do you know where you fall on the spectrum from macho man to girly girl, or are you still exploring? If you haven’t found your groove – that place where you belong between male and female, no worries. The exploration is half the fun! And oh the shopping that involves!

So get those keyboards rattling. I would love to hear your thoughts and to hear about your journey. Have you found your groove, or are you still a courageous explorer?

Fond regards,



Finding the groove is such a wave of emotion. Some days feminine, other days masculine. It is great that we do not have to be pigeon holed into one or the other and we can go back and forth whenever our little hearts desire! I enjoy having both options and some days I feel more feminine than masculine but have to be masculine and other days when I feel more masculine but GET to be feminine! Enjoy both sides and embrace the feeling when you can and ride it out! No reason we cant do both on the same day: Panties and bra, business suit. Satin Tanga and golf shorts. Straight out panties and bra and nothing else as you lounge around

Scott September 24, 2020

Hi Angie

Another beautiful post.
It is a fact that from a very young age I discovered my femme side. And from a very early age, I started wearing underwear. I never left. Even at puberty I felt more and more like a woman and when I had my first boyfriend and started my sex life. Later in college I continued to be more and more feminine and I had another boyfriend with whom I lived and in our intimacy was her girl. Today in the world of work I wear suits and ties and always lingerie. When I started wearing lingerie I was 12 years old, they were mainly cotton underwear with bows and dolls, with time and with age I adapted the lingerie to my lifestyle. I really like lingerie and buy the pieces that I like and that make me more sensual. In my drawer there is a normal brief, dental floss or Brazilian and I choose according to my state of mind or what I am going to do that day. I don’t have the habit of having lingerie for the week, weekend or parties. I use what gives me the most pleasure at the moment. Answering your question, I consider myself a woman without a doubt but in a man’s body.
I would like to assume in full but I cannot for various reasons, except in privacy with my “husband” who, like me, cannot assume myself in front of the family as his wife. It is life and we are happy.
Best Regards.

Francisco March 24, 2020
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Michael Gray October 21, 2019

Stevie, you are so welcome, and thank you for your kind words. My thanks also to XD for providing this outlet so we can connect. You are so right, Stevie, and this is a clean, sane place where we can share ideas, thoughts, and questions. It is so nice to have a place that is free of weirdo pornography. That kind of stuff paints us with a brush that we do not need. We are just normal people who marry, have children, pay bills, and live our lives like anyone else. We just have a deeper sense of who we are, and it isn’t confined to the traditional binary male role. As you said, this is also a very accepting place where everyone is welcome. I look forward to more posts from everyone.

Fond regards,

Angie May 14, 2019

My dear friends! Don’t be afraid to show your femininity! It’s beautiful!

Cutie Drew May 14, 2019

My dear friends! Don’t afraid to show your feminine! It is so pretty!

Cutie Drew May 14, 2019

I agree with your last post Stevie. Great to hear all the discussion and comments!

Randy May 14, 2019

Hi everyone
Isn’t this site great? Its so awesome that we accepted Gary and welcomed him! I think its so important that there is a safe outlet for us to come to and express ourselves ask questions and feel accepted
A lot of sites are sex sites and ARE NOT conducive to healthy images of ourselves
Once again thanks to Angie and XD for providing this outlet.

Stevie May 13, 2019

Hi Gary and every cuties!I really like to sleep in my nighty without a pair of panties! It’s so cute! I feel absolutely freedom!

Cutie Drew May 13, 2019

Welcome to our little sorority Gary!

I agree with Stevie and Randy – try anything you like or think you might like. It took me several years to find my groove. We all have our own individual tastes, regarding the lingerie we like. If you would like to experiment without outer dressing, the same principle applies. Find what you are comfortable with. It may take a little bit of time for you to find what you like, but oh what fun it is to explore the possibilities! Like you, I’m a straight guy, but with a feminine side that is a clothes hound! I’m glad that you have found that you are far from alone. If you were all by yourself, do you think wonderful companies like XD and BA would even exist? Hardly. Yes, you are in good company, and we welcome you to our community that lives outside the box!

Fond regards,

Angie May 12, 2019

Hello Gary! Why don’t you try a garter belt and stockings? It will be such a nice outfit! Have a happy day!

Cutie Drew May 09, 2019

Hi Gary:
Let me add a word of welcome. As for what to wear, experiment with everything. If you like the look and feel comfortable then go with it. I have been dressing for years. It took me some time to find the look that I wanted but eventually found the right style, color, look and price. You are definitely not alone and there are plenty of people on this blog who are supporting of you. Again welcome and congratulations on that first step!

Randy May 08, 2019

Welcome aboard Gary! Like Stevie said try it all and see what you like and have fun with it. You’ll have lots of support on this blog.

Kyrstin May 08, 2019

Try everything
Even bras and pantyhose
See what you like
Its all good
So much fun
And soooo sexy

Stevie May 07, 2019

Hey! I’ll be straight up, I am kinda new to all this. I’m a straight male that happens to enjoy wearing panties. I thought I was the only guy that did it lol glad I’m not.

I’m wanting to step it up a notch to make the experience better… Any recommendations on what’s comfy, styles, types of lingerie or just advice. I would appreciate anything

Gary May 06, 2019

Greetings all. Thank you so much for your great stories. It seems we have a lot in common and, as I’ve found time after time at this great blog site, we are far from alone. Thank you XD for giving us a forum where we can connect. BTW, check out the Sleek Satin and Lace panties XD just rolled out. I got two pair and they are gorgeous. If you are into lace, these are for you! Keep those great comments coming.

Fond regards,

Angie May 01, 2019

Dear Angie.
My history is along the lines of most.
I am bi and have enjoyed the company of a couple of other men. Initially in the context of a 3-way which seemed to excuse the guy-guy thing with a wife present.
Eventually I got over that and my latest “friends” have been a two xdressers who can pass, so we go to dinner from time to time for an evening out.
I have underdressed a couple of times.
I did again today, going to Costco for shopping and to fill up the car.
My bra does show thru a little, but as others have mentioned no comments, at least so far.

George April 27, 2019

Grady: that was a good way to test the waters and look what a reward that was waiting
one person i knew was on board and it made for greater bonding as we would wear matching panties and she let me wear dresses and heels at home, painted my toes and we d share complimentary colors
We both agreed it would have been different if she walked in one day and found me in full dress
‘Wear something pretty today’

Stevie April 24, 2019

Hi guys! Let me tell you my story! I often visited to women’s lingerie store when I was young. I would buy all the panties and bras lf I were a woman! …
Nowadays, I wear my nice lingerie every day! What about my wife? She makes fun of me! So I told myself – Take it easy! Do wear your panties and be happy!
Kind regards
Cutie Drew (ex Andrew)

Cutie Drew April 18, 2019

@ Stevie: My introduction to her was, originally, wearing satin thongs that, if I was undressing in front of her, didn’t shock the conscious too bad. Of course, conversations were had, and slowly I began regaling the fact that I enjoyed other elements of underwear that I didn’t want to shock her with immediately. That lead to her stepping into my closet and looking at my collection. Personal preview nights were also fun, that lead to her matching my undies with whatever I was wearing for the day. Dinner excursions lead to us sitting next to one another, and her sometimes sneaking her hand through my zipper to touch the silkiness underneath! Now, we take part in another lifestyle pursuit, and this has added to the enormity of that! All in all, I’m fortunate to have someone that now buys, lays out, and supports my xdressing! By the way, she has great taste as it comes to garters, thigh highs, bustier’s and heels!

Grady April 17, 2019

Ally i feel u
I too like expressing the feminine make in me with really no attempt to facially transform into a woman. There are all types of US so do you
Wear something pretty today!

Stevie April 13, 2019

Hi there everyone
My groove started relatively late. I think that at some point I realized I didn’t have to exaggerate to express the feminine me. That feminine didn’t always mean exaggerated. I enjoy being comfortable in feminine clothes so I wear lower rather than higher heels. I don’t like strapping myself into body shapers either. There is an aesthetic to achieve that is feminine male as distinct from feminine female. We are built and textured differently. I love expressing the feminine male me that is comfortable and not struggling to fit illusory female stereotypes.

Ally April 13, 2019

I’m new to XD, but wow does all this silkiness bring back memories. I must have been about 10 or 11 when my Darth Vader toy ‘lost’ his satin cape when it became a loin cloth I would wear in my room when I was supposed to be getting ready for bed. Flash forward 15 years to when I was swimming everyday and had 10 silky-smooth speedos in every hue filling my drawers… Now at 40, I’ve just received my first shipment from BA/XD and I am hooked. I keep changing my underwear because I want to try it all! Feel like a giddy 11 year old getting away with something naughty again.

Kix April 12, 2019

Nathan—you are absolutely correct about being relaxed when dressed. I really notice the difference just lounging around while dressed. Also, I just dress around people who are comfortable with it. Wearing high heels does take a lot of practice and getting used to. It is a good thing I had a mother who “tutored” me in wearing them!

Randy April 11, 2019

Angie, I definitely understand where you’re coming from with heels. I wear them possibly 2-3 times a week and walking around in them for any more than 5 minutes is indeed a daunting task. I do try to exercise daily however, and this helps strengthen my legs to better withstand a day of wearing high heels, as well as simply maintain confidence wearing the clothes that I do, which is very important I think.

A lot of others have commented on how relaxing it is to dress, and I wholeheartedly agree. Since I started dressing practically all the time, I feel far more comfortable and relaxed throughout the day. I think these feelings are just because we are getting to present who we truly are, with no shame. What an amazing thing that is.

My amazing girlfriend also supports my dressing and I feel very lucky to have a companion who does so. We have our own groove, picking each other’s clothes and going shopping together. I couldn’t ask for anything better. Have a great day all, and never stop being yourself.

Nathan April 10, 2019

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