The definition of double standard is, “a rule or principle that is unfairly applied in different ways to different people or groups.” If you are reading this blog, chances are you are a cross dresser (let’s just refer to CD) or an ally. Assuming that to be correct, you know a great deal about double standards. We present to the word outside as male while at the same time presenting to ourselves and, if truly fortunate, to our significant other, as the blended person we know ourselves to be. Women can dress as men, but the same standard isn’t applied to us; quite the opposite.
One of those double standards is in the advertising industry. Think about it – women’s lingerie is abundantly advertised in television and print media. What might have been once considered shocking, if not downright pornographic is common today – women appearing in television ads in bra and panties; the printed posters in the mall (in the windows facing out to the mall) from women’s lingerie stores showing women in scant lingerie. Do you see any men’s underwear advertised on television or at the mall in such a manner? If you do, let me know, because to date I’ve never seen such a thing.
That makes me wonder – what is the message here? Is it that women’s bodies are more highly prized than men’s or is it the sexualizing of women and the preserving of the superiority of men? In my perfect world, men would be free to explore the wonder of lingerie. When I put on my first pair of panties, I knew I was done with traditional men’s underwear. Let’s see – heavy scratchy and sweaty, or light, tender to the skin and airy? Duh – I’ll go for panties! Let’s not stop there – let’s go with bras and camisoles. Why should a man not enjoy these wonderful tactile delicacies? The only underwear I have seen publicly displayed on men in the media is boxer shorts. Out of curiosity, I tried a pair of boxer shorts many years ago and they immediately went into the donation bag. If you want something like boxer shorts, why not something elegant like tap pants?
Why not have publicized ads for things like the Xdress Glistening Satin & Lace bra and panty set? They are far from pornographic and are quite pretty. Their design very nicely complements the male form without being inappropriate. Or how about the Xdress Satin High Waist Tricot Panty? These are very conservative panties, and anyone who thinks they are pornographic has a serious problem. Just looking at them, you know they have to be comfortable. Why could these not be advertised? Oh, I forgot – only women’s bodies can be displayed in intimate underclothing. While I’m creating my perfect world, let’s also have general public advertising for the Xdress Lace & Satin Whisper Bralette (a personal favorite of mine) and the very pretty Secret Satin Camisole. Why keep it secret – the media should celebrate such an attractive, comfy garment.
I could go on and on, but I want to pose the question to you – what does this difference in advertising say to you? I would love to hear your thoughts.
Angie, Guest Blogger
Men can be asexualized and abused, and sexually abused and raped by women but everyone turns a blind eye to that. Yet if a man says anything sexual to a woman like you sexy then it’s lock him up, sack him
Yes – I have so many thoughts on this – I have always been a very Artsy kind of person and I really hate most men’s fashion. Just not fair that beautiful, colorful, silky and stylish clothing are only a woman’s thing. Yes, I rebel and I daily wear “women’s” wear. Would love to have it change to “peoples wear.” :)
Find Angie’s blog interesting. In the 1970’s sexy men did appear in underwear ads. Find some jockey ads featuring top sports figures of the time wearing different jockey styles in Sports Illustrated no less. At some point, it seemed to me, some women determined boxers were “manly” and bikini briefs were “effeminate”. Most friends have known my preference for skimpy undergear, have had straight friends share they like the look and feel of skimpy designs and slick fabric but their wife/girlfriend find it “effeminate” so they won"t buy any. That trend does seem to be changing. Have never felt what i wear underneath is about being feminine, rather, to me it is about being sensual. And the world does need more sensual. 🐵
Love the post as a man who just likes the comfort and feel of panties, bras and other garments designed for women I wish it was more acceptable to be open about it.
I consider myself as Angelica,not CD,Trans just Angelica. What is normal? Going back a few centries men wear stocking and dress as the norm what is the differents, and many country have the third gender.
HUGGEZ and KISSEZ
I hate the double standard. Why cant men wear something sexy under it all? Or wear whatever they want in public? I think society is getting more accepting on this front but selection in men’s underwear is very boring. It has gotten a little better over the years, XDress and Body Aware offer great products! Xdress is a little more frilly and offers more feminine styling which I love. Body Aware is more masculine but with more sex appeal. Both look great on the male body. Embrace your curves and wear stylish undergarments!
I love being a crossdreser .Hard to find place to shop for things a man shop for feman garment .I have find a place near my home where I am welcome to shop. She likes it sent I am. In her store we can talk about the I like to wear thank you kelp up blog
Thank you so much for your reply. You and I must be sisters under the skin! Like you, my wife was afraid I wanted to either switch sexual preference, or become a woman. The answers were “no” and “no”. I just like the feminine side of who I am. To read further, please refer to Getting the Wife Onboard at https://xdress.com/blogs/news/getting-the-wife-onboard
I’m glad you mentioned the use of traditionally women’s body products – things like moisturizer, body wash, body spray, facial conditioner and foundation makeup. Why can’t men enjoy such luxurious treasures as these? My wife has introduced me to all these sensual and wonderful things, and my shower each morning is an adventure in feminine delights! Next, getting dressed is even more fun, thanks to Xdress and Body Aware – the panties, the bras, the camis! Life is good, dear friend. I’m glad (and very jealous) that you have a guy friend to go shopping with you. What fun that would be. Be sure to do some online shopping together at Xdress and Body Aware. You speak rightly in thanking Xdress for furthering the acceptability of men’s lingerie. About time!
Love this topic. So spot on. I have worn panties most of my life. I have also worn bras and other lingerie as well as used women’s body products. I am a male but have a strong feminine side which I enjoy. My wife was so sure in the beginning as she thought I wanted to be a woman. Not so. Today she has become much more understanding and at times in fun we joke she has a girlfriend as well as a husband. Back and forth if that makes sense. Call me a crossdresser or what ever the current description is these days but it doesn’t change anything.
As far as society is concerned it has always bothered me that we men can’t be as open about what we wear, how we think, how we act etc etc as women can. It is ridiculous that men are not accepted in magazines, on TV or what ever media your use wearing pretty things in any color without a label. Panties, bras, dresses, skirts and on and on are all just articles of clothing. I have one male friend that is of the same thinking. He wears panties and more. If the subject of men wearing lingerie is taboo try shopping with another guy for panties or bras. Frankly we were both very nervous about the idea initially but after a few times and some awkward stares we sort of have become comfortable. Yet two women shopping for men undies is perfectly acceptable.
Thank you XDress for being there and helping this become more acceptable. I am an older mature male and wish you had been there when I was much younger.
Steve, thank you so much for your thoughtful post. I went to your Tumblr account and read with interest. It is so nice to discover like-minded men who wear lingerie without apology. Thank you also for your kind words on your blog post, regarding my guest-blog posts here at Xdress. The Xdress folks are the best kind of folks!
Hey Paul-Paulena- Well said. I am just me. I want to live with integrity, and authenticity. Comfortable clothes help. Cheers. Matt
I have purchased from XDress and partner BodyAware several times over the years. I ‘transitioned’ from underwear made for men, to those made for women, (including panties and lingerie made for men) about 14 years ago. I encourage Angie to read my blog at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/meninbows
I hope Angie, and other readers of this blog, will find useful information there for men who have a PREFERENCE FOR PANTIES, whether they are made or men, or women.
On the subject of what we call ourselves, CROSS DRESSERS just won’t do. That subject is also addressed in my blog on Tumblr. Men who wear panties (lets just call them panties, whether they are made for a woman, or styled and cut to fit a man’s physique) AND ONLY PANTIES (with the occasional foray into bras, hose, a body suit or other UNDERGARMENTS), and who are not interested in wearing other feminine attire such as dresses, or wearing wigs and make-up, or ‘dressing to pass’ are not, be definition of Tri-Ess, a crossdresser.
We need to coin and promote a new word, acronym or phrase. Maybe MEL (Men Experiencing Lingerie). Experiencing is more neutral than ENJOYING, which sounds too pleasurable, or sexual. If the acronym SPELLS something, and can be spoken as a word, it will receive wider acceptance.
Please read my blog at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/meninbows Contribute to the dialogue. Ask questions. Thanks.
And thanks for starting this conversation. It is important, and has value.
Cross dresser, gender fluid, it’s just a name. I am “ME”, a man who enjoys wearing feminine clothing.
I many feminine attributes and many masculine attributes. Those are the things in my makeup. ME I am ME! Call it what you wish, but I call it “ME”
We all know women have breasts. It accepted that the protrude from the body. And for many women, it seems, the bigger the better. ( just watch a Real Housewives episode)
It is accepted for women to comment on another woman’s breast, even grabbing them. A line from the John Hughes movie 16 Candles, the grandmother looks at Molly Ringeald as says to her husband, " look Fred, she’s got boobies!", and then places her hands on them.
Now, as I said, women have breast, so they can be covered in lovely silk, satin and lace. Of course matching panties are a necessity.
Men, however, are supposed to be content with underwear that is strictly ulitarian hidden. After all ( other than the gay community) it is not acceptable for a man to go up to another man and grab his crotch or and exclaim “nice package!” That might cause excitement, and men are not supposed to have excitement visible in their underwear!
I say “BS”! Men, we deserve soft, sexy, lace, silk underwear . Men, be bold, be excited!
I enjoy wearing panties as matter of fact I no longer have any male panties. One of the benefits of wearing panties it makes you want to be thin and no hair on body at all.
Thank you all for your most interesting thoughts on my blog post.
It seems that the most controversial thing at issue from my blog is what to call ourselves. “Cross dresser” is apparently not a term you appreciate, and I welcome the discourse on that. The great question is, what then shall we call ourselves? All the world is ordered according to labels. Democrat, Republican, male, female, child, youth, adult, black, white, Native American, Hispanic, Asian, Chevrolet, Ford, the list goes on and on. It is our human need to classify things in order to keep them in order. What then shall we call ourselves? The great rock singer, Prince (God rest his soul and I loved how weird he was!) changed his name into a symbol. All we knew was to say, “The former Prince who now has no name.” We lost our label of him – his name.
What then shall we call ourselves? Shall we be referred to as “Those who were previously called cross dressers”? Seems kind of awkward to me. I’ve heard the term “gender fluid” which seems to fit – we are (well most of us) a bit of male and a bit of female – across a very broad spectrum. We understand that we are more than just one binary designation, but where does that put us? What then shall we call ourselves? Beyond that question, how do we want to be seen? What I’ve seen through the posts I’ve read so far is that all of you want to be seen as normal, even though your clothing is not traditional. I so agree with you, and would love the freedom to freely dress as I choose. I so agree with Chris that to have a store for XDress in the same manner as Vicki’s Secret at the mall that shows men in beautiful lingerie would be the leading edge of where we want to go. And no, Harry, we do not want to be seen “in the corner of porn and weird.” (Nicely said, by the way.)
So all this said, I would love to hear your thoughts on the question: “What then do we call ourselves?” As a side note, I would appreciate holding your political thoughts to yourself. This is not the forum for that, and opinions vary widely. This blog is not a place for a political debate. Thank you so much.
I would agree with Chris …. men wearing panties or lingerie is not a conservative or liberal thing and whoever the leaders are has nothing to do with expressing yourself or just wearing sexy comfortable underwear. So bringing politics into this is just absurd. That being said, society norms are changing and hopefully one day soon I can go into a department store with my wife and shop for men made panties or bras or teddies that are displayed on the mannequins, hanging on racks, and/or laying out on tables. This would allow us to feel the material and check the sizes and styles before buying.
Whoever made the Pence comment is ridiculous. Him being in office has nothing to do with it. You want to force your beliefs on someone but, you don’t want to listen to others. Panties, lingerie, whatever it’s clothes. It’s 2018 and regardless of your sex, religious beliefs, you should feel comfortable in your clothes. Labeling this still as cross dressing is a problem. It should be normal and eventually it will gain momentum. Its normal to see half naked women in advertising, store fronts, TV (if you still watch that mess) the world is changing and soon whenever a brand like XDress steps out, I think it’ll become main stream overtime. Just needs to be labeled as normal. Plenty of everyday men, like the feel of something sexy. Regardless of their background. Nowadays everyone want their own label, everyone wants a group. You’re either man or woman. Make it mainstream for every man to wear not just men who are into Cross Dressing. Do we call Ellen a cross dresser for wearing a suit everyday? No we don’t. So let’s stop callin men who wear panties, lingerie or a skirt cross dressers. We are normal dudes.
If you keep using the expression "cross dressing " then it will always be in the corner of porn and weird.
I dress myself with cloths made for men. Designs and concepts that are certainly not common in a mans closet. And yes, they look more like what was used exclusively by women in that few hundred years.
But my dresses and skirts that I use everyday and always do have their history as clothes for men. Kilts, sulu’s and the túnica for working in the rice fields…
My other comment is about putting on somebody else’s skin to learn more about the person.
During and around the world wars , women were necessary for all kinds of jobs and here started the feminism period. As you look close you could also say the period of becoming more man, or, may be, more balanced in masculine and feminine. Women are more man and better prepared for the lives we’re living now. I am convinced that men need such a period as well in order to be able to change this madhouse world in a better one.
Giving up putting everything in etiqueted boxes will help, or is part of, our evolution.
Men must become more woman and only for that it is interesting to cross the line of "typically for women "
All of us would love to see this in our stores and shops. The attitudes of the employees are changing and we are now treated better by most. Now all we need to do is get rid of the so called leaders of our country. As long as Pence is in office we will never move toward
Advertising is run by sexist companies who know that a cute woman is better to sell anything over men.
Sex sells. Plain and simple.
Lingerie is a thing that has made many designers very rich and from catalogues to web sites.
Men have been left out of the equation as they don’t have the same cute and cuddly bodies and society has deemed us as background noise to women.
Clothing for men is not fashion. It’s just a practical approach to covering us up. The suit is a great example as to how boring and conforming you can make men look.
Casual clothing is not fashionable like women nor the practicality of the light fresh dresses and skirts.
Lingerie for men is a wonderful way to ditch the dullness of the black and blues of the cotton and lycra blends of boxers and briefs. I actually think panties offer more room than mens undies ( they should be renamed as Blandies) and a hell of a lot more inviting.
We do see mens undies in the store front at the Bonds stores but they are always boxer style and singlets.
I would love to see store front for XDress and store male dummies dressed in lingerie. I would love to do it in stores like Macy’s as well. I also often look at the clothing stores when ever I go to a mall.
Men’s clothing is just so dull. I would love to see pantyhose added to the shorts looks and an open shirt with a cute bra on show.
It’s hard to be a man.
Now so far as seeing guys underwear in full view