Pillow Talk w/ Hannah: Honey, I Love Panties!

Hey Hannah. I apologize if these questions have been asked prior, but I am looking for advice on how to tell my wife that I have a panty fetish, I want to start wearing panties and start using them and introducing them into our sex life. I don't know how to tell her about it and I don't want to feel stupid. 

Telling someone what arouses you (whether it is wearing panties or bondage or feet) is always an intimidating thing.  You are very vulnerable and absolutely terrified at how they will react.

But this is a communication situation.

You are married.  I presume you have a sexual and/or intimate aspect of your relationship.  I assume you have communicated before, during, and/or after intimacy.  You probably talk about things you enjoyed, and things you wanted to do, things that surprised you (and hopefully liked), and maybe things that you don't want to do ever again.  Communication makes for a better lover.  Of course, communication is also about ACTIVE listening, so don't forget that.  

Anyway, I wouldn't be surprised if during these chats you have told your wife that you love it when she wears *that* nightie or your wife tells you she loves it when you do *that* thing.  These are moments when you are sharing with each other what you like.  I wouldn't be surprised if these conversations led to other things you like.  Other things to try.

If you want to introduce a new element into your intimate life, such as your fetish for panties, it can only be done through communication.  Think about the other conversations you've had that were, well, kind of high risk or conversations where you didn't know how she was going to respond.  

You know your wife better than I do.  I assume you know her better than anyone else on the planet.  YOU know how to talk with her.  YOU know how to have scary conversations.  YOU know if she prefers direct statements (such as "honey, wearing panties turns me on") or perhaps something a little more subtle.

So unfortunately there are no magic words that can help.  Just be honest with her and be gentle.  

I wrote a little about common reactions our partners can have recently and this may be helpful – Sharing Can Be Caring Blog.

Love, Hannah