Let's Talk Confidence!
Where does it come from? Is it a gradual process of accumulated experiences, or can a single thought or event trigger it? How do you build up enough confidence-or courage-to actually do something that you've always wanted to do but wouldn't have thought yourself capable of or brave enough to- to go over the edge, jump off the cliff? Especially when that something goes completely against the culture/conventions you were brought up with.
In my case the something was wanting to wear full female clothing in public, but for me it was-still is!-a really scary thought, and there’s a constant fear or doubt lurking. However thanks in no small way to XDress and you guys in the XD community, sufficient confidence has overcome the fear, and I thought it was worth sharing my journey with you; you've helped me jump off the cliff and I’m flying, so hopefully my experience might encourage some others amongst you to gain that confidence, unshackle yourselves and feel free! I really do hope so.
XDress has been a very recent discovery for me, and boy has it changed my life!
I'll come to the products later, notably the pink satin panties, but the various blogs ring so true and I can identify with so many comments too. You guys are so brave even just talking about this, quite apart from those of you who are also venturing out! Just reading through the comments made me realize that I'm not alone, and that on its own has been a huge confidence builder-you’re inspirational!
Brief background - I'm a straight male, I've never wanted to be a female, but all my life I've wanted to wear lingerie, and there have been periods where it was more or less easy to do so, but it was always in secret. Initially it was a fascination with suspenders and stockings, and the feel of the nylon against my legs. Then the wonderful discovery of pretty silky panties and how lovely and sexy they look and feel.
But that was as far as it went for many years as life took its course. Wearing lingerie with a girl or lady was a dream, but sadly I've never had an understanding girlfriend or SO, and that's probably my fault as much as theirs. I was married for several years, but we drifted apart.
Those years went by with the lingerie desire rumbling in the background, but there was no obvious opportunity to break out-far less the confidence to do so. I did wear panties to work and felt great, but it wasn't going anywhere. I suppose you get comfortable where you are-we all do, don't we?
So what got me out of my comfort zone?
I'm still working it all out, but it's been a mixture of an ongoing process-the “rumble”- and several more recent and specific things, some of which probably seem obvious from the outside although difficult to see yourself at the time, some very surprising- certainly to me-coming completely from left field, but they've all conspired to make me jump off that cliff, and I'm so happy I have finally done it.
After my wife and I split up, I've had more time and opportunity to dress, and that’s been important. My adult daughter is living in, but even so there's been a lot more freedom to slip into bra, panties, stockings and suspenders on a more regular basis and it started to feel more comfortable and natural; I became more relaxed, even when wearing them outside under male clothing.
I added a pink PVC maid's dress from a local seamstress-just gorgeous with white glossy stockings and lingerie-must be a submissive in me trying to get out! Also a wig and shoes-so I was getting there, but still all in secret.
The key catalyst, in my pre-XDress life-was buying silicone breast forms! Having a full bra just makes me really comfortable, I just feel complete. Such a lovely feeling when they warm to your body, and a gorgeous subtle bounce as you move. But what really surprised me was that rather than wanting to hide the breasts from view-the fear factor, counterintuitively I wanted people to know I was wearing them, to see me wearing them. It was a strange sensation, but it probably took me to the cliff edge. It just felt right. So confidence came out winner in this battle!
The lady who supplied them has been so patient, supportive and encouraging ("be yourself!") -advising on the right bra style and fit-wonderful customer service.
Everything was making me feel more free, being the me that I wanted to be, it was wonderful but still largely in secret, or disguised when I wore them outside.
I should say at this point that I have been to a fetish event in Birmingham (UK), wearing my maid's outfit-a terrific experience and in public, but a very restricted and totally sympathetic public, so there was no real chance of embarrassment to others, therefore I don't really count it! Embarrassing other people is really my biggest fear-what might/must they be thinking? But I'm sure it helped me just being there.
So having got myself to the cliff edge, what made me jump?
Well it was XDress and you guys-yes! It's all your fault-and thank you from the bottom of my heart! I chanced on the website when googling-more in hope than expectation- "men's pink satin panties" to match my maid's dress, and XDress popped up.
And there were the panties I had to have! What a wonderful product range, and all made for men! Gorgeous panties in lovely styles and shades. I ordered 2 pink pairs +the matching Merry Widow, and while waiting for delivery started reading your blogs-it was as if they had been written for me.
That enthused me, then the panties arrived! As soon as I put them on, that was it! -so pretty, smooth and soft, fit like a dream-it must sound daft, but wearing them felt and looked so good that I knew I was about to go over the edge. That very same evening, shaking like a leaf, I walked up to a new local store, not too far away, for some groceries, wearing my pink satin panties, best lingerie-swopped to black stockings to at least be slightly less conspicuous! - and breast forms, a white top, short black skirt and cardigan, wig and shoes-small heels! The panties just felt drop dead gorgeous-would recommend them to absolutely everyone.
Talk about being scared, but there weren't many people around and it worked out- it was so lovely just to be me, and no longer caring what other people might think. And those I had to speak to, mainly in the store-were so polite! Having walked up there, I floated back home!
So there you are-physically a small step for Georgina but psychologically a huge one-and still coming to terms with it, but so happy and excited to have done it, and will be going up there again soon. Need to tread carefully, so small steps for the time being, but wow!
Next step may be make-up, not sure. I've never used it, preferring to be me as I am-what do you all feel about make-up? Does it add or detract? I know I’ll never look pretty or female, and I’m not too worried about that, but perhaps I ought to try! For me the main thing is that I feel pretty from the panties outwards.
So that's how a shy inherently cautious guy finally got out the door and went public. The confidence to do so came largely from 2 totally unexpected sources-a breast form supplier and XDress, both completely unknown to me until recently.
Thank you XDress!-and I will be back for more pretty panties soon!
Never lose the dream, guys-seek and you shall find!
Love to all,
I m so similar even without the SO support
I keep my toes polished they look sooooo much better
I wear bras in the winter almost daily and panties that match
I wear women s jeans and sweaters
Wish i guts to do heels but i do wear a fairly high boot
Stay confident and push that envelope
Nice to hear everyone sharing their experiences. My GF is supportive and helpful with suggestions. I wear makeup and lipstick daily but I use the “no makeup” makeup look, very subtle with light foundation and concealer. I use matte lipstick that closely matches my natural lip color, along with eyebrow pencil and light mascara and nail polish on my toes. That, along with bikini or thong and a bra undermy regular clothes allows me to express my feminine side. I push the envelope a bit when we go out on weekends, with tight jeans and a blouse along with 3-4” block heels. Can’t do stilettos due to sports injuries to both ankles, but the more I push it, the greater my confidence grows, and the support of my GF is so important. I wish all of you the same
Jon/John-what a lovely story, well done both of you getting this far. That’s a huge step forward, so brave-and once it really sinks in, you’ll feel the confidence/ability to move on further, if you feel you want to. I was always comfortable in my lingerie, and gradually became more comfortable when fully dressed at home, it felt more natural, and that gradually gave me sufficient confidence to actually go outside. I’m trying to get out fully dressed at least once a week, and the initial fear/embarrassment is receding, there’s almost a joy-still nervous, but it’s just wonderful. Well done!
I’ve been secretively dressing up in women’s underwear since I was about 10 years old. I’ve always felt embarrassed and ashamed about my crossdressing and despite being in several trusting and supportive relationships over the years have never felt confident enough to tell anyone about my crossdressing desires or habits. I love the way I look and feel when I wear lingerie but the thought of letting someone else know or to let them see me dressed up has always come with a great fear of rejection and feelings of overwhelming embarrassment. That is until relatively. Over the last couple of years I somehow found the confidence to gradually hint at, and very gradually share, my secret with my wonderful girlfriend (now wife). To my amazement, and delight, she was not only open minded about the subject of men wearing lingerie, but she has also been encouraging to me experimenting with different looks and gradually pushing boundaries. Now, I regularly and openly wear lingerie with my wife and have an extensive wardrobe, including panties, stockings, garter belts, basques and even heels. When I’m crossdressed in lingerie I now feel confident in myself instead of the shame I used to feel. My wife tells me that she enjoys it when I’m dressed up because it seems to enhance my confidence and unleash a passionate part of me. I’m still not completely open about my crossdressing, as it’s only my wife who knows, but finding the confidence to be open about it with someone has actually also been a confidence enhancing experience. Jon
This is so amazing, reading all your comments! I feel so humble, but also so happy that there are so many of you-us!-out there, sharing a similar desire. We’re all at different stages, and in different circumstances, but finding ways to express our feminine side, and it’s inspiring! Rose, Don, David-just wonderful. Rose-I’m completely with you regarding a fear of being laughed at, and when I go outside fully dressed I try to choose the safest conditions, but even then there’s always a chance of things going wrong-I suppose that’s part of the thrill! I’m trying to ease myself into broad daylight dressing by swopping my black skirt for ladies trousers, and no wig. I have a beard-kept short but still there, and am receding on top, so a wig is always a conundrum, but I’m edging towards without-I really just want to be me, a man-albeit with breast forms!-but in pretty feminine clothes. Good luck and best wishes to everyone. Georgina
That’s a great story, Georgina. I am not in my first youth but over the past few years have been gradually becoming more willing and wanting to express my femininity in my dressing, so have assembled quite a collection of lingerie, which I wear pretty well all the time, as well as some outerwear. Actually, I don’t dress fully when I go out – I am not at all convincing when dressed and I fear the possible laughter that might result. However, at home my wife seems to be pretty comfortable in me wearing lingerie, although I do try to be careful not to be in her face, so to speak. Being married for 40 years tells me that she can handle my self indulgences! Best wishes, Rose
Within my journey, the furthest I have come is just dressing in the excellent lingerie and thongs that I have bought at XDRESS, they make me feel the person I really want to be… but honestly I don’t dare to go ahead. However, this feeling of being the person I want to be motivates me to be able to freely come out of the closet and shout to the world who I really am! Thank you XDRESS for continuing to motivate me with your designs!
I have way more with people I know! I struggle with the persona i ve created with people i know
But i wear what i want now
I dont want to look like a woman per se
I m more like the woman who wear jeans and nice shirt
I m a guy that likes to wear dress heels polish my nails
Occasionally wear a little make up to enhance my features not transform
I d love to wear heels in public with skinny jeans blouse and appropriate bra and panties still looking male
Hi Georgina, Breast Forms had the same effect on me! I immediately felt a sense of completion and empowerment that I’d never before experienced! The physical feeling was intense. Such a powerful hug. My self confidence was soaring.. When I took them off to complete the purchase, I felt like part of me was missing. I told the woman who’d helped me. She said, “would you like to wear them now? “ Absolutely!. She told me a few other clients had the same experience and perhaps I would like to try on several more bras with the forms so that I could verify the fit and also make sure that the exceptional feeling was present in more than just the one bra design I’d chosen to start with. She had me try on several sport bras, a sleep bra and two that might be suitable for work. I was soaring in all of them. I wasn’t sure immediately about wearing my forms to work, but even the fact that I was starting to think of a plan to accomplish it amazed me! I do wear them under fitted preppy blouses with women’s trousers and shoes. I wear thigh high stockings and garter belts and of course panties. (XDress has been my go to for those.). So those I work with regularly know, but a quick glance on the street, I’m not that apparent. The people I work with are fully supportive because they’ve seen the change in my self confidence and effectiveness. I’d never worn anyone of my XDress. Lingerie to work until I decided to reveal my feminine profile. Away from work I wear the same type of “hidden in plain sight wardrobe.” I know this isn’t as bold as others, but it feels right for me.
I love buying XDress lingerie, sleepwear and garter belts to complete my underdressing wardrobe. I started out wearing XDress bras and still have a few for rare times when I take my forms off,
My journey mirror’s yours in so many ways that I fully understand the commitment and bravery we must overcome to fulfill our lives and desires. I too have been catapulted into who I am today thanks to Xdress, who have given me the foundation on which to build on. My partner accepts my lingerie collection but is not supportive of it and would be horrified if she knew I venture out in public in skirts, blouses, stockings, and heels! At the moment I don’t wear a wig or make up but never say never, I class myself as a cross dresser rather than female and enjoy the comfort of femme clothing and the excitement of mixing in public. It’s a huge leap of faith and confidence, but we’ll worth the initial jump.
I would love to be able to show, and express what l believe to be the real me. L have been x dressing for decades.
John-I feel for you, that’s exactly where I was a few weeks ago! It will happen, trust me-an opportunity will appear, and you’ll go for it. By nature I’m a cautious person, but I was ready, I felt good, it was getting dark, so off I went. One word of advice-for a first outing make sure your shoes are really comfortable!-I found myself walking much faster than usual, and had to tell myself to slow down- you want to blend in, and heels can be an issue! I’m also completely with you regarding the blurred lines. That’s why I’m so surprised at myself loving breast forms and being happy for people to see my bust. Somethings just don’t add up and you have to go with it! Last thought-if you are UK based and within shouting distance of Birmingham, you could try the Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar-3rd Sunday of every month, you can dress as you want in a friendly, safe and welcoming environment-might be a good chance to test the water? Good luck!
Well done and congratulations on your courage and confidence Georgina. I too love wearing satin lingerie and stockings and have recently purchased heels and a couple of skirts. I’d like to have the bravery to venture out but am not quite there yet. I don’t really want to pass as female (although I wouldn’t mind trying) but really like the blurred lines and androgynous results of being an obvious and masculine man wearing obviously feminine clothes. I’m hoping that I can build the confidence to venture out whilst wearing my satin panties, bra and garter belt along with my glossy stockings, heels and a figure hugging skirt or dress (whilst keeping my cropped hair and my beard!). I love my look in the privacy of my home and am working towards taking my first steps out into the world. The acceptance you have found so far can only help me to find the confidence I need. John
That is huge step and much further than I am willing to try. Recently my wife and I went on a vacation to Florida, 90% of my wardrobe was female, but all were “gender fluid.” For instance on the plane I was dressed in a bra and panties, woman’s white socks, unisex sneakers, VS Pink joggers, t shirt and hoodie. My wife and I got matching toe nail polish (white) and although her fingernails have extensions, we both had a slight French manicure. Oh and just a little mascara. (A side not, I take my bra off before going through TSA and put it back on when done. I don’t want the security officers to pay me down if it shows that I have more than expected going through the check point) I know how blessed and lucky I am that my wife is so supportive, we enjoy shopping together and she likes that when I am dressed that she takes the lead. I don’t think I have mentioned this before but although I am not in chastity she does control my sexual release, Never more than once in a 7 day period. This is another thing that she likes being in control of and I feel makes me a better husband. If it wasn’t for my wife, I am not sure I would have the confidence. But thankfully I have her and kudos to you for just doing it!
So happy for you and your journey is inspiring! The leap to dress is a tough one but once you do, you don’t go back. You sound confident and strong and happy this community could help you get there! Nothing better than a pair of satin panties!